August 25, 2008

Toastmaster

I am not one of those people who ever has luck in a thrift store. You know the one, the one that has 50 cute things in their apartment and cute jewelry and cute shoes and is all, "Oh these Eames chairs? I got them for like, I don't know, five bucks each at the Salvation Army. HA! It was actually the same day I found this Hermes scarf on the dollar rack!" I may be friends with that person but yeah, that's not me. I'm more the type who spends $30 on a useless clock. So imagine my surprise (which, honestly, is the most oft-repeated expression on this blog to the point that I'm going to add a ™ to each use of it from HERE ON OUT) when I nabbed this chrome Cuisinart toaster for a mere NINE BONES at the Goodwill on Sunday.

And, according to www.internet.com, it's worth a blistering $49.95 on the Cuisinart site (and a totally charred $64.99 on the softer side of suck site).

Sooooo...here's the rub. Although I bought it for the Shangri-la I'm dreaming of in Wyoming (Wyomgri-la), I kind of decided to keep it here after (a) experiencing the deliciousness of a test-Eggo last night and (b) seeing how much better it fit into my decor than my current one - which is as gigantic as it is dirty as it is white. But MATT REJECTED THE IDEA. Why?? What??? In his words, "White appliances suck." So now, shiny chrome wondertoasts must be shipped seven hours away to spend its life perfectly browning bread in a beauteous wonderland while I remain unhappily jamming spelt loaves into its oversized plastic brotherfucker. And, judging from the look of things, rubbing my hands in motor oil before I do it. This, my friends, is a bitter bargain. A bitter bargain, indeed.

Posted by Bree at 08:13 PM | Comments (0)

August 20, 2008

Oooh Now, This is Exciting

Because of my strange shape (aka gigantically tall, narrow-waisted, huge-boobied and with the rib cage of a sperm whale), I have a somewhat hard time finding fitted dresses. If they have any sort of waist, they're out, as it hits me about two inches below the bottom of my bust line. Also out? Any sort that button up the front as it would pretty much take fabric the size of the AIDS quilt to combat the one-two punch of my breasts and aforementioned rib span. So I'm stuck with stretchy jersey options which can look good (here, here [all right, you really can't see that one but hey look! It's me and Jenny!] and here), but can also look relatively vavoomy and are certainly too cocktaily to wear to the office. Nevertheless, I keep trying. For I am a soldier. Hence my recent purchase of a $130 lovely from Banana Republic:

And, zomg, it fits! Well, kind of. It fits in the important parts, though the waist and, weirdly, the very top are kind of bulgy. So, I'm going to do what I've never done (out of a dedication to being profoundly stubborn and also strangely frugal) and bring the bitch to a tailor. A TAILOR! I know. So extravagant. But considering I talked BR into giving me a 15-percent discount after I bought it (they really have *the best* customer service), I think I can take the money saved and actually procure something that conforms to my "never seen on any woman ever...no really, not ever" dimensions like a glove. Which I also can't buy because my fingers are about as long as cartoon octopus tentacles. Oh the travails!

Posted by Bree at 09:06 AM | Comments (2)

August 19, 2008

I Wish I'd Known About This Card Back in the Day

It would've been perfect when my friend's husband left her when she was 8 1/2 months pregnant. Yeah, you read that right.

Come to think of it, it's still applicable.

$3 at Ripe Cards

Posted by Bree at 12:01 PM | Comments (0)

August 07, 2008

With This Ring, I Thee Bed

I love this silver-plated gold "Trophy Ring." Every time you score a skank for the night (word!), you take a notch out of the silver. I imagine that you could customize it by adding stars every time you have to take the morning after pill or get a refill on your Valtrex. Of course, mine would remain pristine for, like the starlets of today, I have decided to remain pure until the night after my wedding night. (The night of, I plan on trying meth for the first time so can make no promises.)

Regardless, I think this would go fabulously with the fucktab necklace of yore.

Via Modern Materialist

Posted by Bree at 09:59 AM | Comments (0)

July 29, 2008

Who CALLED IT, bicches!?

I effing TOLD you ID bracelets were on the comeback.

Sterling ID Bracelet, $150

I would feel infinitely more smug if I hadn't completely forgotten to rifle through my dad's drawers (like my mom instructed me to) the last time I was home and steal the one she bought for him that he never wears. Of course, I think it might be a diabetic alert bracelet which would likely lessen the stylish effect but, whatever. When it comes down to it, I probably shouldn't eat sugar either.

PS Sorry I called you "bicches." I didn't mean it.
PPS I was only on J. Crew's site to check out the vintage Rolexes they're supposedly selling now.
PPPS I haven't found them yet.

Posted by Bree at 08:48 AM | Comments (1)

July 18, 2008

Oh Man, Absolutely Stunning

I saw a post today on Gesine Hackenberg and her repurposed ceramics and had to share the beauty:

Via Let Them Eat Anemones

Posted by Bree at 09:30 PM | Comments (0)

July 01, 2008

A Friend With a Benefit

Readers! Use code "briggles" at Design By Humans for 20 percent off smoking cool t-shirts for the ladies and the germs. Do it, donuts!

Posted by Bree at 08:26 AM | Comments (0)

June 14, 2008

The Royal Couple

I forget where I first saw this, but it's mine now. $20 from Etsy seller almost famous. I also like the Harold and Maude one, but admittedly a little less so ever since finding out a guy I know uses that movie to get the ladeez laid. The whole octogenarian sexual romance thing seems somehow...a bit sullied now. Call me crazy.

Paypal, you're gonna bring me to financial ruin.
Etsy, you're not helping things.

Posted by Bree at 11:04 AM | Comments (0)

June 13, 2008

Time to Move On; Time to Get Going

I've got to hustle into a client meeting in a few momentos (and thus need to change out of my bra-revealing t-shirt and grungy flipflops, SIGH), but wanted to quick let you in on a 50-percent off sale at Lucky Brand Jeans. True, some of the stuff is revolto. And true, some of the stuff is more suited to a Horde (was that an acronym? HORDE, if so) show in 1995 than urbane urbanitude in 2008. And also true, the site is RIDICULOUSLY slow loading. But I got the following for a mere 31 guilder (plus shipping):

Green keyhole smocked top, $19

Tubular lace tank top, $12

So, in addition to not having to use my AK, today has been a good day.

Posted by Bree at 12:50 PM | Comments (0)

June 12, 2008

Gifting: Zombie Edition

Now that the gifts have arrived in the hot hands of their various recipients, I can share with you my latest purchases for both Margo and my number one, chock-fulla-awesome homeslice. BEHOLD:

That's right. The "I Love You More Than Zombies Love Brains" decorative collector mug from foldedpigs on Etsy. Looks like I bought the last two of these, but I'm sure she'll make more if the you ask real nice-like.

People always say to me, "Bree - how do you find the perfect present time and time again? How?? And you're so pretty too!" And my answer to that, friends, is easy: "A lot of spare time, quick typing skills and total lack of budgeting. Also, the application of placenta facials." With the nurturing of this skill set, you too can be broke, popular and GORGEOUS. Good luck!

Posted by Bree at 10:36 AM | Comments (0)

June 09, 2008

Les Papillons

Allposters.com is having a 25-percent off sale (coupon code 25OFFJU), which makes me want to e-mail the person who complimented my Andy Warhol (but not Andy Warhol-ish) butterfly poster recently, but I can't remember who that person was. Molly? Angela? Marie? This is where I got it. The fine frame it's in was conceived of and executed by, of course, Target. I'm immersed in class over here, people. Immersed in class.

Posted by Bree at 07:27 PM | Comments (1)

June 04, 2008

Crusta-Kicks

Nike just came out with a limited edition set (only 200 pairs!) of New England lobster kicks. Packaged in a lobster trap-lookin' thing, and featuring a tablecloth-patterned interior, these are best enjoyed with McNamara's zucchini bread, corn on the cob and Jonathan Richman.

Via Lift Magazine

Posted by Bree at 01:13 PM | Comments (0)

June 03, 2008

Glug Glug

The Unhealthiest Drink In America

Baskin Robbin's Large Heath Bar Shake (32. oz)

2,310 calories, 266 grams of sugar, 108 grams of fat
73 ingredients go into this milk shake
66 teaspoons of sugar
11 Heath bars equal the calories in this shake
8-12 minutes to consume this drink
240 minutes on a treadmill running at a moderate pace to burn it off

Via Consumerist

Posted by Bree at 01:39 PM | Comments (0)

June 02, 2008

Adventures in Online Retailing

Question for you: is there something wrong with this picture? Head-size-wise, I mean? The more I look at it, the more confused, ashamed and embittered I feel.
Well, maybe not the last two.
But I'm definitely not buying those shorts.

Via Nordstroms

Posted by Bree at 09:51 AM | Comments (0)

May 29, 2008

Tats for my Toots

I enjoy these, so I bought them. They fit right in with my ongoing commitment to tattoo-free skin and slip-on sneaks. Plus, I think they'll look swell peeping out from under my favorite pair of dungarees.

In other news, a paycheck lasts exactly one (1) hot minute in my hands.

Posted by Bree at 11:42 PM | Comments (0)

Send Me Your Tired, Your Poor, Your Junkstore Treasures

Though I generally loathe checking my mail, I was beyond excited today to find an envelope from my boy Jake in Seattle containing...a Rolling Stones picture key ring!

I just opened it and the laminated pictures are ancient (from the Tattoo You/Mick in kneepads era), yellowed, and rusted together on the keychain. All and all, exactly my kind of gift. THANK YOU, JAKE!

Posted by Bree at 12:20 PM | Comments (0)

May 27, 2008

Sic-o

I kind of love that mug down there, but only because I'm a huuuuuge fucking nerd. So, please, for the love of style, taste and discernment, don't go taking any cues from this joint.

Proofreaders Mug, $14.99

Posted by Bree at 05:53 PM | Comments (2)

Breecycle

In an effort to GIT GREEN (and by green, I mean gangrenous, which I feel strongly is the next global trend), I've posted a compelling offer on Freecycle. Read on for how NOT to write sales copy:

I have a 30-inch slide-in electric stove/oven that is probably 15 or 20 years old. It's yellowy/beige and definitely dated looking but it works fine (I used it for a year before getting a new one). Let me know if you need any more info.

Do you feel my disinterest? Do you sense my scorn? Can you tell I'm just too lazy to go out to the garage and check the brand name or take a picture? Yep, yep and yep. Good times. Oh and let me know if you need a stove/oven! She's a real beaut!

Posted by Bree at 03:02 PM | Comments (0)

May 20, 2008

Ruminations on Shoes, Killing Animals

Next time I get paid, I'm buying groceries and these:

Granted, that stretchy NUDE part in the back is kind of hein, but I'll just cover it with trousers. Freals. I need me some animal skins in this life, and since it doesn't look like I'll inherit (or be able to fit into) my mom's all-fur wardrobe (you think I kid; I don't kid) anytime soon, satin print is the way to go.

Oh and back to my mom. This is the woman who when I told her maybe not to wear her fur boots, coat, PURSE (I bought it for her in Iceland and it's very, very awesome, but still) and hat on a shopping excursion to Williamsburg due to the possibility of attack by a paint-splattering lunatic and/or a pelt trader, grumpily unearthed the most non-bloody item in her winter wardrobe: a brown wool coat with a FUR collar, and declared, "This ugly piece of shit is all I've got." And people wonder why I have conservative leanings.

Posted by Bree at 12:21 PM | Comments (0)

May 16, 2008

Breaking: Wal-Mart Produces Well-Designed Item

White Ceramic Lamp with Brown Dot Shade, $39.76

Via Becoming Home

Posted by Bree at 08:09 AM | Comments (0)

May 15, 2008

Breaking: Newfound Love

Posted by Bree at 11:24 AM | Comments (0)

May 14, 2008

I Can Haz Crap

Because I have no standards, I kind of love all some of the stuff over at Perpetual Kid. And yes, I realize it's basically a rehash of Fred Flare, but for some reason - I find it easier surfing. Besides, no matter how many times I fill up my shopping cart o'er at Fred, I can never seem to commit to actually buying anything. Maybe it's because I really don't need any more space-eating tchotke junk, but I demand to differ.

Anyhooos, here are some favorites from Perpetual Kid:

Mr. Bacon vs. Monsieur Tofu, $8.99

I am Not a Paper Cup, $19.99

Kam Kam Giant Cat Body Pillow, $34.99

Posted by Bree at 10:46 AM | Comments (0)

May 08, 2008

KISS® Plasma Light Sculpted Head

In the 70's, KISS® blew our minds with fireworks, fire-breathing, (fake) blood, and larger-than-life personas! Recapture the thrill of those Double Platinum days with this wild LED sculpture featuring an 8" long light-up, flashing fiber optic glass tongue that's just as outrageous as The Demon himself! UL® listed.

$59.98 at Things You Never Knew Existed

Posted by Bree at 09:17 AM | Comments (2)

April 20, 2008

Truly the ONLY Book I Want to Bring to Roatan

And if I happen to scour it cover to cover on the plane ride down, then I'll just read it over and over and over again until the week is through. This is my vow.

sTORI Telling, $16.47 and FOUR AND A HALF STARS at Amazon

Posted by Bree at 08:36 PM | Comments (2)

Good Customer Service

I once was accused by a lover long-past of having "bad retail karma." It's true. I try to be friendly, I try to smile, I trrrryyyy but alas - more often than not, I am treated like a total touchhole by people behind the register. Maybe it's the hate in my eyes or the evil in my soul? No se. Regardless, it's nice to report a situation of a different sort.

You may remember that - along with Angela's plates - I ordered the over-the-sink-shelf from Umbra a few months back. It arrived in an enormous box, and once I put it together, I noticed it had a crack in the wood. Not a huge deal for a relatively cheap objet, but kind of irritating regardless. So, I snapped a picture on my camera phone and sent it along to CSR for some explanation. Following, my email:

Hi,

I ordered the overboard sink shelf from you and it just arrived today. I have attached a picture of a crack in the wood that I noticed when I was putting it together. As the product is only $26.50, I'm not going to spend the money to send it back in the extremely oversized box you delivered it to me in (a cost I estimate to be at least $15 and probably more like $20). In addition, it is missing the black rubber "feet" that you're supposed to put on the bottom. I would like you to send me a new sink shelf to replace this. If that cannot be done without me mailing this damaged one back, then please just credit my credit card for the amount and I'll continue to use the damaged one. I'm really disappointed, and look forward to having this resolved.

Thanks,
b to the riggles

Umbra's response:

Dear baaaaaahriggles,

Thank you for your email.

Our goal is to make shopping umbra.com a pleasurable, design experience and we value any and all feedback that we receive from our customers and visitors to the site.

I do apologize for the item arriving in such poor condition. It is not our intention for our items to arrive damaged to a customer. As such please note that a replacement Overboard Sink Caddy is being shipped out to you. All of our products are warranted for one year from time of purchases online.

Please see below for the new order details.

The new shelf arrived shortly after. I haven't inspected it to see if it's any better, but hollllah! Customer service! Go Umbra Go Umbra GO!

On another note, anyone need an over-the-sink-shelf?

Posted by Bree at 07:20 PM | Comments (0)

April 15, 2008

You Rang?

Guapa ring by Jimena Rios, $20 at Poppytalk

Posted by Bree at 11:03 AM | Comments (0)

April 13, 2008

Baked

Sur La Table has some pretty sweet bakeware these days. If my mom had baked anything besides pecan pies in the last 20 years, I would consider getting her somethin' like this for Mother's Day. Hmm. Maybe your Mom's a bit more domesticated. Or at least off puppy pads.

Ice-cream cone cupcake pan, $27.95

Giant cupcake cake pan, $27.95

And the coup de grace, the Stadium Cake. For when you want to celebrate your team's home turf with, um...a frosting-less masterwork?

Stadium bundt cake pan, $31.95
The ridicule and mockery of every single person at your tailgate party? Also $31.95.

Posted by Bree at 05:48 PM | Comments (0)

Alas Alack, My Wallet is Slack

I would very much like to buy this rug by West Elm ($549 for 8 x 10) for my study, but am feeling the pains of a recent economical yet still bruising home-based spending spree ("new to me" Jenn Air stainless gas range/convection oven, lawnmower and gas grill off Craig's List + new bathroom sink [the same as Marcus and Jenny's] with a ten-percent off plus free shipping deal at Home Depot + new tile for the kitchen) and must say "neigh." I hope that others among my readers are not quite as monetarily strapped as I at the moment and can still, you know, enjoy the finer things of life. Like steak. And exciting underpants.

Posted by Bree at 04:48 PM | Comments (0)

April 07, 2008

More Stuff

Have you checked out Stars and Infinite Darkness yet? Not to give away state secrets or anything, but it is a place at which I like to spend a lot of my jewelry and accessories coin. Keeping in touch with my urbane fems side, you know. And! More Importantly! Bonus! They've even started stocking the V-day bigfoot magnets I gave my beloved (and since stole back for my own fridge) this past Febs:

If you stay in my guest room, you might even be lucky enough to score your own, non-romantic set as a welcome/sorry for all the cat hair gift. Oh and pssst, they're a dollar cheaper on Etsy. But you didn't hear that from me.

Posted by Bree at 12:37 PM | Comments (0)

April 06, 2008

Palming the Profits

I don't like to get all crazy against the small merchant trying to make a living, but jeebles. I was perusing the web site of Pieces, an Atlanta shop with pretty hefty prices, and was flabbergasted to see they've got the extendo version of my tabletop palm (above, scattered among the former detritus of my study) for $1,200! Whattt? If mem serves, I got mine for about $75, new, in Seattle. It's about 2 1/2 feet tall, whereas the one they've got is five, but still. More than 15 times the price not including shipping? Locotalk if I ever saw it.

Ah and yes, speaking of shipping, the shop in Seattle wanted to charge me about $75 to send it home so - cheapy yet resourceful lady I am - I said, "Tanks but no," brought it to a Mailboxes Etc. and shelled out less than $25 to get it back to Denver. Keep that one in mind next time you're getting all crazed with the purchases away from home. No need to depend on the shops to do your mailing no mo. We've got options, people! America. Love it or leave it.

Posted by Bree at 03:31 PM | Comments (0)

April 02, 2008

Napa $$$tyle

Napa Style is so ridiculously overpriced, it makes me STEAM. Like $64 for these vases? They're $30 at the Artisan's Center in North Cherry Creek.
Trust me, I know. In 1995, I broke one Marie had pulling my bag out of her car at DIA. All over the durned road. (Whoopsies.)

Yet, stoopidly spendy or not, I still find myself salivating over - and even buying - some of the stuff in their catalog. Indeed, I'm considering signing up for this this wine club business - which is $90 (plus shipping) a month for six wines. Not too shabs. Of course, in the catalog I received YESTERDAY (April 1), it had a coupon for $25 off the wine club deal if you ordered by March 31st. Ah. Gotta love it. Thankfully, there's another $25 off code available on the web site but still. Come the fuck on.

And in other Napa Style news, what do you think of these plant nannies?

At first, I was all, "WHOA! LOVE!" but about 30 seconds later, the lust had passed and I started thinking they'd look really dumb and messy. Especially since they come in packs of four so, like, all your plants would have them. And because my used wine bottles are generally stained with driblets and droplets and...er...regretlets. Still undecided, though of course, the $20 price tag makes them a bit more attainable than oh say, this. $800? Right.

Oh and another thing! I bought these knobs at Anthropologie a few years back and they suuuucked. All the nuts were stripped. CAVEAT.

Posted by Bree at 08:38 PM | Comments (0)

March 31, 2008

Summ Summ Summertime

It's summertime and the living's easy. Well, in my mind at least. In reality, I woke up today and yesterday to a snow-covered yard and frozen little tootsies. Matt is *right now* driving over Teton Pass in a blizzard, and I'm thinking of wearing a coat (?!) to the gym in a few. Ridonx.

On the plus side, I just scored the above gas grill for $40 off of Craigslist. The owner's even going to deliver it Wednesday. Says she works like a beaut but got a new one, and it has to go. Considering the schmance-o grill we bought my parents a few years back was about $500 brand spanking, this is a serious skeeeyore!

Come on over. I'll make you a burg. We'll talk.
Don't forget your scarf.

Posted by Bree at 02:14 PM | Comments (2)

March 30, 2008

Snug As a Slug

Ooowee! Check out these loverly indoor/outdoor rugs from Gaiam. Made in some absolutely mysterious way from soda bottles, they're easily cleaned (with a hose!), reversible and CHEAP. Mmmm!

Floral Pattern Reversible All-Weather Floor Mat, 4x6, $39

Turkish Pattern Reversible All-Weather Floor Mat, 6x9, $89

Posted by Bree at 10:59 AM | Comments (0)

March 23, 2008

Lady Diana

Inspired by a sculpture-bust of Diana, the goddess of hunting, in the latest issue of Domino (p. 157 for those of you keeping track at home), I just scored this modest replica on Ebay for $39 plus shipping.

Not bad for two reasons: (one) I needs me some sculpture up in this piece and (two) mythology was always my favorite subject in school. For realz, if being a Classics major didn't (one) require me to learn Greek and (two) destine me to a life of professorship, I would've spent my (four) years researching the wheres and how-for's of Clytamenstra and other folk whose names sound suspiciously like skin viruses.

Compromise? An english degree and a phony bust. Ahem.

Posted by Bree at 10:36 AM | Comments (0)

March 20, 2008

Shit's Bananas

In between writing a script about geriatic pain and mapping out a site plan for a new client (!), I have managed to find time today to order two of these banana holders from Delight.com. One for me and one for...wait for it...the GIFT CLOSET, where I store rando selections for rando events wherein I am imparted upon to bring a rando present. Like Christmas. Or Boxing Day (Canada).

They're only $13.50 with free shipping if you order today. Added special: get 15% off if you use the code Decor8Delight (from, natch, Decor8). That sounds like Decor ATE Delight, which makes me laugh but then again I am high on the crack cocaine. It is Thursday, after all.

On a side note, do yourself a favor and watch this Eddie Izzard clip:

Matt and I constantly do "Can I have a bahnahna?" bit. We're fun like that. You should TOTALLY get to know us. Bear in mind that we also know a really, really reliable source for crack cocaine.

Additional side note: Hey Mike, remember when we broke up during that Eddie Izzard show in New York? Them's were some good times.

Me: Wait, are you saying you don't love me anymore?
[Curtain rises for second act. Life as I knew ends.]

Posted by Bree at 01:31 PM | Comments (2)

March 19, 2008

The Days of Our Knives

James and Kay Salter's wonderful book, Life is Meals, offers the following advice about cooking knives (a subject close to my heart seeing as my feet are shaped as such).

Three knives are essential in the kitchen: - A chef's knife, eight to ten inches long with a wide, tapering blade for slicing and chopping. - A carving knife, thinner for slicing and carving meat, turkey, etc. - A paring knife, which is a small version of a chef's knife, for peeling, coring, mincing.

Also useful:
- A bread knife with a serrated blade.

Knives should be kept on a wooden block holder or on a magnetic wall rack (OR! The totally swank-ass squishy countertop knife holder Matt's sister gave me in celebration of my birth! - ed.) rather than loose in a drawer. They should not be put in the dishwasher.

Posted by Bree at 10:38 PM | Comments (0)

Best Bumper Sticker Ever?

Just wondering.

Posted by Bree at 09:12 PM | Comments (0)

March 13, 2008

Eye Level Plightful (Say it Aloud)

The delightful Miss Angela Schwab's spectacular Benta plates have finally made their debut on Umbra's web site! For a mere $42 American, you too can own a piece of the Schwab design legacy. Read her take on them over at her web site, and order yourself up a set here. Do it.

Yay Yay Yay Ang! You're, like, the only one of my friends who has ever accomplished anything of import.

No offense!

Posted by Bree at 07:47 PM | Comments (1)

March 06, 2008

Text of my E-mail to Consumerist.com

Hey Ben,

I'm a big fan of Consumerist and just wanted to let you know of an experience I've been having for the past NINE months with Unica Home (an online, high-end furniture and accessories store based out of Las Vegas).

On June 26, 2007 - I ordered four chairs for a total cost of $1,500. The contract I signed stated this:
Delivery time for the items is approximately 12-16 weeks not including August as all factories in Europe are closed during the month of August. Unicahome will use its best efforts to adhere to the delivery schedule but cannot be responsible for delays due to customs, manufacturing or transportation services.

The tail-end of that estimate was December, 2007. It is now March (NINE MONTHS LATER) and I have still to receive the chairs. I have paid a deposit of +/-$750 that - according to the contract - is apparently not refundable. After several emails and phone calls to this godawful company (most of which were unreturned...at one point, they even told me that because they were moving offices the people I needed to speak to didn't have phones!) I found out the following today (after yet another email from me):

We have received news just yesterday afternoon that the container which has your chair is on the water and is on its way to us. We are in the process of contacting all the customer's whose products are on that container to let them know that their items are on the water and are on their way here to the US. The products will take 4 weeks to get here from overseas, and once they hit land US Customs will be contacting us once they allow the container to ship via truck to us. It usually only takes about a day or so for our items to get cleared through customs.

I don't know if this is really up to Consumerist standards - and I know I'm not doing the most eloquent job of explaining it - but I just can't believe that they can so clearly not live up to their end of the contract in a timely manner (bear in mind they give customers a whole 48 HOURS to cancel an order). Unbelievable.

Also, if you google them, you find quite a few disgruntled customers with similar stories:

http://www.shopping.com/xMR-Unicahome~MRD-420879
http://www.yelp.com/biz/unica-home-las-vegas#hrid:r4Z0ImhH52JuSb6m-Rv1fw/query:unica (that's my review on the top, there)
http://www.dyslexicchicken.com/?p=191
http://www.epinions.com/content_286140173956
Check out the comments here: http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/ny/onlinecatalog-only/unica-home-big-modern-fun-001062

Again, I don't know if my particular experience is quite so bad as to merit a posting on Consumerist but I wanted to alert you to this company. That they continue to operate in this manner is truly an abomination.

Posted by Bree at 07:00 PM | Comments (0)

March 03, 2008

Today in GLGS News

Sick to death of misfiring your spermatophores and TOTES missing the ladies' buccal cavities? Scrub your blues away, squidados, with this new dish brush in your likeness(es). $8 at Urban Outfitters. Tell 'em GLGS sent you.

Posted by Bree at 02:17 PM | Comments (0)

February 26, 2008

$$$icky Poo

Ughhhhhhhers. I'm sick as the dog over here. Have been feeling like crreezap since Friday, and it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. So, I'm stuck on the couch - watching an edited version of "Showgirls," lucky me, and trying to determine how long I can go without showering or shaving before my boyfriend dumps me for a yeti - and the only thing that's making me feel better is trying to track down some of the stylin' fashions from the TV show Weeds.

First stop: Medium slouchy hobo bag from Lucky Brand jeans for $158.

Nancy Botwin sports the tan version, but I decided to order the hemp.
Isn't it ironic?

Posted by Bree at 12:58 PM | Comments (0)

February 13, 2008

Amazon is Really Branching Out These Days (Gaff Department)

Product Description
For the guy that's just too big! Introducing the Nearly Me Gaff - the perfect solution for men who wish to be "tucked" in and out of sight! Nearly Me gaff provides firm control up front where you need it. Nearly Me gaff with low thong style back for a sleek invisible look.

Posted by Bree at 02:11 PM | Comments (0)

February 12, 2008

Don't Call It a Comeback

I've totally nailed the next trend coming down the pike. Seriooz. ID to the bracelet, just like the one I got at Goodman's Jewelers on Spring Street in 1989. (By the way, last time I was home I went in to see if they still sold them...no dice.) Look for these in Urban Outfitters in oh...six months. I swarr. I'm magic in my trend prediction prowess (see: side ponytail, Jack Purcells, purple eyeshadow, et al).

I'm going to hunt around on ebay and see if I can find a big chunky burnished steel one. After that, however, the question remains: whatever shall I have engraved on it? Thoughts: WWJD!!!?!! (as in Jimmy, as in Page), My Boxer Farted on Your Honor Student, or *Medical Alert - Chocosaurus.

Posted by Bree at 10:29 PM | Comments (1)

February 11, 2008

And Daniels for Police Commissioner

"It's a new day for Baltimore."

$18 at Busted Tees, also home to this 18-1 beauty.

Posted by Bree at 08:45 AM | Comments (0)

January 28, 2008

Momma Long Legs

Hey ANP (and other ladies with inseams hovering in the realm of "Holy shit, that's ridiculous...sexy, but yeah - mainly ridiculous")! New workout pants place = Lululemon.

Angela and I sojourned there for a brief visit Saturday morning, from which I walked away with two pairs of size 8 TALL reverse groove pants. At least I think that's what they were. Expensive as a mofo, true, but considering I find and buy workout pants that fit my go-go-gadget legs about once every four years, I managed to talk myself into it. The idea of buying Matt an $85 pair of Valentine's Day trousers for his kung fu class, however, made me laugh and laugh and then laugh some more as I sauntered around Cherry Creek with my Frappucino, Juicy track suit, and Louis Vuitton tote.

Posted by Bree at 02:11 PM | Comments (0)

January 24, 2008

Squid Merch

c/o the lovely Suzanna (in the highest), here are some squidadelic t's from Malicious Glee:

[UPDATE: Matt thought my comment here was kind of mean. He also didn't get all the ANTM references, so the true essence of the quip was lost on him. Regardless, I hate being mean to people outside of my family and close friends, so I've deleted it and am wearing a hairshirt for the rest of the month in penance. Lucky for me, it's January. Unlucky for me? It's nutria hair. Covered in insulation fibers.]

I'll take the men's green, size M.

In other Girls Love Giant Squid (GLGS) news, as of January 12, 2008, the GLGS delegates have elected John Stossel as our official Spokestossel. Expect the press release any day now.

###

Posted by Bree at 02:04 PM | Comments (0)

January 13, 2008

I Do! I Do!

Nut and bolt wedding bands from Kiley Granberg (via Notcot) make me totally want to, you know, buy the cow.

Posted by Bree at 10:17 PM | Comments (0)

January 10, 2008

And the Gifts Just Keep-a Coming

The Roman Goddess Flora embodies the flowering of all Nature

Mr. Brown Shorts just brought me a surprise package from Rick! Seems somebody got the memo re: my REAL gift list (Amazon somehow has also held on to one from late 2002, meaning my Christmas was chock full of Black Eyed Peas and The Lovely Bones - whee!) and bought me Slash's autobiography! No! Way! As a delightful bonus, he also included the disturbingly titled - and conceived - "Coloring Book for Big Girls," along with the note: "Because when I think of Bree, I think of two things: artist and ecofeminist."

"It must be my lax attitude towards shaving that inspires such platitudes," she ruminated.

Thanks, Ricke*!!!!! You get the TOTAL TITS award for today, January 10, 2008!

Special Bonus Review:
This isn't a coloring book for everyone. If you're at all offended by pagan-type images, don't bother with it. There are amazon and goddess images all the way through. A number of the images are also nude or semi-nude.

Bo-honus!

Posted by Bree at 02:41 PM | Comments (0)

January 09, 2008

Weekend Purchases

City Mission Wall Bracket x 2 with 4-inch shades from Rejuvenation

Parchment Glass Table Lamp (undecided if hideoooz or not) from Acacia

Large sweater storage boxes x 3 (pretty firm on the "not hideoooz" declaration but could conceivably be swayed) from Acacia

Reservation at The super-haunted Stanley Hotel (where they *supposedly* filmed the interiors of The Shining but which was *definitely* the inspiration behind it!) for early September.* We'll be there to hit up the Longs Peak Scottish Irish Festival! That's my blood, bicches!

One of the weekend highlights is the hour-long parade on Elkhorn Avenue, Estes Park’s main street. Bagpipes, drummers, dancers, clans in tartan, Dogs of the British Isles, brass military bands and precision drill teams give a preview of what can be seen on the festival field.

*Reservation subsidized by generous gift certificate from Marie! Thanks, lady!

Posted by Bree at 12:35 PM | Comments (0)

January 07, 2008

Super-Derishous Balls

Visually repugnant

Matt Grubbbbbes made Scotch Eggs for The Ball Ball ('07) and man oh man, in a word they were delectaball. To the point that after overcoming my initial revulsion regarding their look and ingredients, I handily sucked down about four. Then I went and put on a pair of Spanx. And considered moving to a country where fat is celebrated. I'm looking at you, Samoa!

I'm not sure if this is the exact recipe, but search around if you're so inclined. Trust your girl in breakfast over here, these sausage and stuffing covered eggs are worth the effort and the ensuant arm cellulite.
(4 servings)

* 1 pound bulk pork sausage
* 1 tablespoon fresh parsley -- chopped
* 1 tablespoon grated onion
* 1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
* 1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg
* 4 hard-cooked eggs -- shelled
* 1/2 cup fine dry breadcrumbs

Combine sausage, parsley, onion, cinnamon and nutmeg; mix well. Divide sausage mixture into 4 portions; shape into patties. Place one egg atop each patty, shaping the sausage mixture around egg till completely covered. Roll each sausage-covered egg in breadcrumbs. Bake in a preheated 350 degree F. oven for 15-20 minutes until golden brown.

Duffy - I think these lard-laced lovies might best your vaunted HOLIDAY SALAMI BAGUETTE. Just sayin'.

Posted by Bree at 10:14 AM | Comments (0)

January 04, 2008

Pitcher Perfect

Though hints were dropped like a sheet of acid all o'er this holiday season regarding my *soon to start* vintage pitcher collection, I received nary a one from all those supposed friends and loved ones. MOAN.

So, like the womyn of the wyrld I pyrpyrt to be, I've taken it upon myself to buy me own danged detritus. Behold above care of Etsy seller White Elephant Vintage for a mere 26 dubloons. Bonus: the sellers operate a smokin' little blog called "Love It A Lot" that is well worth your time on this glorious Friday.

Posted by Bree at 09:49 AM | Comments (0)

December 10, 2007

Two Tastes That Taste Great Together: Custom Publishing and Obsessive Documentation

Oh man! Seems someone in the culinary cosmos has heard my prayers for a personal cookbook - or perhaps just laid eyes on the tattered binder I shove all the recipes I've collected (and, ahem...rarely tried) over the years - and invented the COOLEST THING EVER (beta).

Behold Tastebook!

Not only can you upload recipes from anywhere you durn well please (well...probably not your dead grandmothers' collective heads, but MOST anywhere you durn well please), design the layout and cover and tabs, add photos and there you have it! A cherished heirloom/repository of plagiarism! All for less than $40! If I ever entered the kitchen to do anything but eat straight out of cans standing at my fridge, I would be truly psyched on this one. As it stands, color me super psyched with a side of deep-fried glee. Or is that ghee? I get confused.

(Link via a little blog I like to call How About Orange...)

Posted by Bree at 11:48 PM | Comments (0)

December 02, 2007

Toiling Over My Purchases

I met the folks from Vital Industries yesterday and picked up one of the fancy-doo toilet tank graphics the BLEGHOSPHERE has been heralding in every gift guide from here to North Kakalaka and Compton. I chose the octopus because of its squid-like visage, and though I have yet to install, Angela assures me it's very easy. She also assures me that it's no big deal I made the beast mine even though she was going to get me the scuba diver one for Christmas.

While you're on the interwebs, also check out Little by Jenny - another swanko Brooklyn lady relocato to D-Town who just happened to make the shirts Matt and I are BOTH sporting this morning. We're cool like that.

This is all. Back to my espresso and leftovers from our amazing dinner at Carmine's on Penn last night. Ziti with sausage, shrimp, chicken and peppers? Say who?

Posted by Bree at 09:21 AM | Comments (0)

November 14, 2007

'smas Shopping Sites

For the lovies in your life, here's the oft-requested (and never before shared!) list of where to bust out the AMEX this holiday season:

Rose and Radish
The Curiosity Shoppe
Etsy
Wrapables
Frock Shop
Paxton Gate
Velocity Art and Design
Modern Dose
Wishing Fish
Spoon Sisters
2 Jane
Papylicious
Stars and Infinite Darkness
Cog & Pearl
The Shiny Squirrel
Sweet Tooth
Keep Calm LTD.
Elsewares

Posted by Bree at 11:19 AM | Comments (0)

November 02, 2007

Have I Shown You My Watch?

For allyouze alwayze bugging for detes regarding my stylin' little timepiece, I'm letting the cat out of the bag and admitting I got it here. And for allyouze who don't understand what the title of this post indicates, be sure to ask my brother, Elliott or Joe F. They'll be glad to elaborate.
Repeatedly.

Posted by Bree at 03:23 PM | Comments (0)

October 23, 2007

Are These for Skiing???

'cause if so, howly crap I want them. (In black, Dad! xoxox!)

Oakley Medusa Goggles

Militant design with 8-base lens curvature for vast peripheral view, durable PLUTONITE® lens material with 100% UV protection, Black IRIDIUM® lens coating for precisely tuned light transmission, stitch detailing, and rivets for attachment to leather skullcap (sold separately). For those who pursue defiance without restraint.

Er...wait...leather skullcap? Er...ABORT! ABORT!

Posted by Bree at 12:39 PM | Comments (0)

October 05, 2007

Face Paint on the Cheap

I think I've forwarded this to every fallopian tube in my address book, but *in case you're just a rando lurker* - feel the bargainy love c/o my favorite Chicagoan:

Inventory closeout on makeup – I guess Nordstrom’s is buying e.l.f. makeup so they’re selling everything for $1.00.

Use the coupon code "Carolina" to get $7.50 off your order of $15 or more. Shipping is $6.95, but its well worth it when everything costs $1.

Go HERE!!!

It's true! It's all $1! Your lady in lip gloss (along with several of her cronies) have already ordered about a bazillo things for NADA so get going, ladies. Seriously. This is the most important thing you'll do all year. And that's not a slag on charity work - just the God's honest.

Posted by Bree at 11:54 AM | Comments (0)

September 28, 2007

This Speaks to Me

Available for purchase for your favorite breelinquent right here. And people say I'm hard to shop for. [Insert Pee Wee Herman: HAAAH!]

Posted by Bree at 10:23 AM | Comments (0)

September 27, 2007

Things Bought in New Mexico

• 2 bracelets (one silver cuff, one silver and garnet)
• 1 ring made of some stone called druuuzie (?)
• 3 pr. earrings (including one from Afghanistan...say wha? and one that I coveted at $250 and then found on the plaza for $90 - skiiiizore!)
• 2 black sweaters from rando Italian shop
• 2 James Perse long-sleeve shirts (one black, one brown)
• 2 James Perse tank tops (one green, one black)
• 1 CD from Pennsylvanian buskers in Taos
• 1 Vince gray stretchy skirt (love!)
• 1 Free People weirdass longsleeve shirt with a wacked out pattern and a deer/ski crest on it. Yes, you read that right.
• 1 pr. Citizens of Humanity BLACK jeans (didn't realize blackness until I left the store - not sure how I feel about it)
• I pr. Rock and Republics with RED AND SILVER R's on the pockets (love, love oh my LOVE)
• 1 absolutely insane winter hat from Turkmenistan
• 1 antique winged burro "piggy" bank (charming, I swear.)
• 1 potted plant pot
• 1 giant pack of matches
• 1 carton smokes on an Indian reservation (30 bones, kids!)
• 4 tanks gas (care of Moms)
• 18 sugar-free Red Bulls
• 1 Big Hunk
• 1 loaf Indian bread
• 2 giant pencils

Posted by Bree at 05:45 PM | Comments (0)

August 29, 2007

Must. Be. Stopped.

I have so much stuff hanging on my walls, it's absurdity. But alas, that's how I roll. So when I saw this tonight on Happy Mundane, I jammed over to the artist's web site, logged into Paypal and made her me own. Easy peasy; wordy birdy.

Posted by Bree at 11:14 PM | Comments (0)

August 28, 2007

Slagging on Nature's Candy

For the haters in the crowd, care of the always awesome MolPope.

Posted by Bree at 10:48 AM | Comments (0)

August 20, 2007

Oh Man Oh Man Oh Man!

Are we in trouble or what? Design*Sponge just posted the Bloggers' Guide to Online Shopping. [gulp.]

I may (may) resurface sometime next week. 'til then, just send sustenance in the form of Zone bars, Diet Red Bulls and baby carrots. Thank you and goodbye.

UPDATE: Here's part two.

Posted by Bree at 08:31 AM | Comments (0)

August 15, 2007

Hallelujah Jeff Gillooly!

Sucker for the crust

Looks like the geniiii behind the brownie edge pan have come up with a new innovation to tempt this culinary numbnutty into hanging up her cellphone, putting down her Progresso and spanking the crap out of some no-boil lasagna noodles.
You heard me.
Spanking the crap.
Mmm, appetizing. Just like Tal Bagels.

(Link curtsy Angie, Annnnnngie)

Posted by Bree at 02:28 PM | Comments (0)

August 14, 2007

Hi, My Name is Mat

I bought this bathmat today. It is soft and nice and reasonably priced. I like it. It is my new best friend. I am now going to rub it all over me, as I do with all my new best friends. It is happy to live here.

Posted by Bree at 05:44 PM | Comments (0)

August 09, 2007

Parfum

I got a lil vial of Agent Provocateur parfum in my most recent Sephora order, and have been wearing it around for the past few days. You know, to the gym and the dog park. Anywhere I really need to impress. It smells pretty good to me, Madam of Olfactos, but - ladies, listen up: I have gotten *SO MANY* (two) compliments on it from dudes. Seriouuuz. One guy last night told me how great I smelled and then started free-associating adjective-based clauses (repeat: adjective-based clauses) including "fresh sheets" and "with an edge." He loooved it - and was married and not hitting on me, so his opinion somehow means more.

Anywhoos, seeing as all I do is try to please and/or shore up my crumbling ego with material goods, I'm going to buy myself a tajut of the stuff before I go out tonight. Guaranteed the menfolk quake in my scentilicious wake. Constantin - you have been warned.

UPDATE: Denver does not carry Agent Provacateur. Now I am forced to sport an eau of mixed parts laundry detergent, frustration and Deuce. Sadness, badness, hurtness and pain. Pass the Good-n-Plentys.

Posted by Bree at 10:34 AM | Comments (0)

August 06, 2007

Pass the Merchy on the Lefthand Side

In the dog days of summer, few things excite me more than thinking about winter. Specifically, the clothes. I'm such a woolens, sweater, cozy socks, fleece chastity belt kind of girl woman it's a little out of hand. Especially given that I've taken to cranking the AC recentementes so I can wear my hoodies around the house. Not very earth first. Next stop fake snow.

So, in the midst of my excitement over this weekend's rain and gloom and mopey hangover/movie/internet porn weather, I managed to tear myself away from www.hotslutslikeitinthebuttandotherplaces.com long enough to actually ingest Lucky Magazine (I've been tossing them the second they get in the door lately; that shizz is uggs) and get some fall shopping done over at my favorite store, Stars and Infinite Darkness. Granted, I only really bought jewelry. And a t-shirt. But I'll pretend it goes along with the brrrrr! winter! point of this post anyway. Which, in addition to thinking about brrrrr! winter! is to admire my style and grace.
And then check and see if that hot sluts link really holds water.
ANYS! BEHOLD! (Boys - feel free to step away...and back to that dark den of haberdashery known as The Chess King.)

Ahpeele tee for a mere 28 dubloons

MMM by Laura East brass necklace

Ach Ach Liebling: Capturing a Sperm Whale necklace (If only there was a squid in the mix!)


Spragwerks Kismet ring (to match the Spragwerks star ring, which I wear almost every day)

And the piece de resistance - this gold, glass and onyx ring from Magpie...loooove!

Next stop: clothing. For realz. Though am thinking I might wait until I get to New York in September for the big spend, something tells me I won't be able to resist the conch wail of Neimans and...er...Old Navy (whaaat?) for that long. Or, really, for today.

Posted by Bree at 07:47 AM | Comments (0)

July 30, 2007

Cancelled!

I just cancelled my land line. This is big. I'm feeling very modren man. Next step: tossing the Epilady®.

Modren man, indeed.

I have a very nice cordless phone, if anyone in D-town wants it. I got the land line, initially, to make sure I had another means of communication if the events in Red Dawn came to fruition and cell service went down. Then I realized that by buying a nice cordless phone - dependent on power supply - I was fizzarked anyway. So, too bad. I guess I'll be back in the hurricane fence gulag with Harry Dean Stanton and the rest of the losers.

Anys! Let me know if you want the phone. It's sleek, it's sharp, it's hot, it's now and it's been used...mmm...once. If you're in desperate need, I'll even mail it to you. Lord knows I hate the waste. And the commies. WOOOOOLVERRRRINES!

Posted by Bree at 10:13 AM | Comments (0)

If You Really Loved Me, You'd Buy Me the Things That Make Me Happy

MUST! HAVE! From OathNYC at Catbird.

Posted by Bree at 08:33 AM | Comments (0)

July 20, 2007

V is for Vomitorium

Wow. I was just innocently scanning this article about a woman getting chemical burns from Wal-Mart flip flops, shaking my head in (relative) dismay at the crap customer service the big retailers are rolling out these days*, idly wondering if there's a Chinese Minister of Thongs who will be put to death over this event and THEN...THEN I scrolled down and saw the pictures of her feet.

I invite you to do the same. Seriously. Click on that link up there and then scrooooolllll. You'll thank me never. But it's a must.

*Case in point: Some yoyo at Best Buy wouldn't show Rick a $300 digital camera the other day because he "couldn't take it out of the box." Fucking absurd. Ever since guys at that SAME STORE wouldn't give me any real information about laptops until the DUDE I WAS WITH walked up to join the conversation, I've been on a general boycott. Every electronic purchase I make these days is online so I don't have to deal with this crap. Better prices, better information, better selection, better everything. Harrumph.

Posted by Bree at 11:11 AM | Comments (0)

July 17, 2007

Three Words

Coffee Ice Cubes.

(If I had more than three, I would write about how totally jazzed I am about this idea...and how confused I am that anyone would write up a recipe for it. I would also tell you how much I love my C.O. Bigelow Ultra Menta Lip Shine. And Deuce's new SENSE-ible dog harness. And then I might talk some more about those pretzels from Whole Foods. Seriously. They're soft, salty and very 7th grade lunchroom at Mt. Greylock. Pass the moutard.)

Posted by Bree at 10:24 PM | Comments (0)

Something I Really Like

Soft baked pretzels from Whole Foods. I stole part of one from Sully in Seattle, and have been thinking about them ever since. "Huh! Yeah...I don't know why he's crying...he just started up out of the blue when I came in the room. Random. Hey...did you get any more of those?"

Too young to rat me out...

Posted by Bree at 08:00 AM | Comments (0)

July 05, 2007

Radio Shack Attack

Ever since Radio Shack on Montague sold me a REFURBISHED PHONE AS NEW FIVE DAYS BEFORE THEIR CONTRACT WITH VERIZON EXPIRED AND FAILED TO MENTION OH ANY OF IT, they've totally been on my shitlist. I know it's surprising.

That said, I'm such a lovesick fool for this Ipod Alarm Clock, I feel like I might just have to take 'em back.

Oh it's a mistake - it is, it is! But I'm weak. I'm just so weak.

Posted by Bree at 02:26 PM | Comments (0)

June 17, 2007

Picture = 1,000 Words. Video = 1,000 Words + 3 Chords.

Not sure if you can tell from the picture up there (and in the Flickr business to your right), but the Resource 2000 salvage yard up in Boulder in 100-degree heat owed quite a heavy bit of its visual and spiritual atmosphere to the Tom Petty "You Got Lucky" video:

Only thing missing was a slim blond alien in a fedora.
She's coming over later.

Ba du DUM!

Posted by Bree at 07:20 PM | Comments (0)

May 09, 2007

Picnic Nitpick

You know, I don't even like picnics. Something about the trifecta of damp ass, sunburned face and gross ants turns me off every time. Especially if there's a hike involved. Puke-a-rahms. That said, I still totally want this Orange "Metro" P-nic Basket:

I know.
Such a product slut, I be.

Posted by Bree at 10:16 AM | Comments (0)

May 07, 2007

Buy Buy Birdie

During brief breaks in my exhaustive Wikipedia research, I've been spending time spending moola. Among the recent purchases?

1. A krautburger in Keenesburg, CO. What's a krautburger, you ask? Well, Johnny, a krautburger is incommensurate parts old sauerkraut and overcooked, gray, Grade D meat stuffed into a doubly-disgusto dough ball. It's also what I gave the BF for dinner on Saturday because I'm the best. girl. ever. Or something.

2. Espresso beans and diet Red Bull at Starbucks and Costco, respectively. I'm a little ashamed to admit that my caffeine intake has reached near-alarming proportions. The threat level is at Brown. Go on about your business.

3. A Canon Rebel 35mm ($25) camera to replace the OM-1 I won on Ebay that UPS LOST. Fuckers. The "threat level is at Brown" has now taken on new meaning. Naturally, I don't know what that new meaning entails, but it's all more than a little entendric so give it some thought and get back to me. (NB: heroin answers instantly disqualified unless, of course, Keith Richards is somehow referenced.)

4. Plane tickets to Seattle for a June weekend jaunt with the aforementioned BF (hopefully recovered from the Krautburger at that point) as well as Jason and Jakey.

5. A headboard, pillow shams and pillow inserts. Because I'm a girl. And they're pretty.

6. Two pairs Havianas for my upcoming trip to Key West. Because I'm a girl. And they're pretty. And I need something to wear to my Threat Level Brown party.

UPDATE: Lucky Number 7 goes to that beauty up there. A print from Massachusetts-based artiste Dan McCarthy. Though the Squid and the Whale constellation print I covet is sadly sold out, I think this substitution's gonna look reeeeeal nice reeeeegardless.

Posted by Bree at 08:37 PM | Comments (0)

April 16, 2007

I Ees the Weener!

It's early, so I'll admit it: ebay daunts me. Too much STUFF, baffles me mind and paralyzes me fingers. This from a girl that buys everything from underpants to cookies to boyfriends on the interwebs. Somehow, the grandeur that is the online auction has escaped my grasp. I mean, sure, I've bought a couple strange little pieces on there as gifts but in comparison to the damage I could be inflicting on my paypal account, I've been rather metered and wholly restrained.

That is...until now.

CHECK OUT the glory that is the camera I just won for $28:

Look familiar? Same exacto OM-1 as I've been rocking oh these many years. The original girl gave up the good fight a few months ago (with repairs estimated to START at $150) and I've been mourning her loss ever since. No more! 28 bones! My max bid was $130! Cue elation!

I'll tell you one thing: as soon as word about this ebay gets out, the shit's gonna blow sky-high. I would suggest you get in there on the stock gravy train now before the rest of the world discovers this unbelievable resource. Mums the word.

Posted by Bree at 08:16 AM | Comments (0)

April 11, 2007

Fire Sale: So Hot It'll Burn Ya!

The web site Modern Dose is having a crrrrazy sale, plus free shipping, on tons of cool artwork and furniture.

After a cursory examination, and a quick and sucky cut and paste job, I hereby present the things that are tickling my buy button this fine morn:

Marked down from $5,450 to $850

Marked down from $125 to $94

Marked down from $379 to $250

Seems to me that the whole durned site's to be had for cheap, so don't just be limited to the "Sale" section.

Posted by Bree at 08:11 AM | Comments (0)

April 09, 2007

And People Say I'm Hard to Shop For...

Ham Slice Meat Cuddler
Ham Slice has a little fat around the edges, but that just means more to love! Sports "ham" on the backside, in case you forget his name.

Posted by Bree at 07:33 PM | Comments (0)

March 21, 2007

Product Update

For the ladies, I just went over to Bare Escentuals in the 16th St. Pavillions and got some new mineral-based foundation and concealer and such. 15 percent discount for being born in March (skizzike!) so, the whole thing was a tasty 85 dubloons. Supposedly, this will not only help with the occasional WBZ I'm blessed with (uh, that's world's biggest zit for you non-acneic mofos in the audience) but - and this is the best part - you can SLEEP IN THE STUFF.

Um..!? Holla.

As I told the chick in the store, this will TOTALLY be a boon to the ongoing serenade in my sheets. Though natch, I have found that nothing says loving to the boy in your life sack like washing off all your attractiveness (e.g., Chanel Illuminating Foundation), slathering on retin-A and eye cream, sticking in the mouthguard and throwing on the prized least-elasticy set of gigundies, I'm always up for suggestions.

Seductress?
Moi?
Only the finest up in this piece and that's all I'll say re: that.

Well.
At least 'til I get back from the gym.

Posted by Bree at 04:30 PM | Comments (0)

March 07, 2007

Done Gone Missin'

If anyone can point me to the box that has a. my favorite pair of silver earrings b. my black flip flop c. my white and red Brazil-bought Haviana and d. my small iron wall shelf, I'd be much obliged.

Oh wait...you say there's no more boxes left? [Insert puzzled face.]
What would Eric possibly want with two of my shoes?

Posted by Bree at 02:41 PM | Comments (0)

March 06, 2007

If There's One Thing On This Earth That Has McNamara's Name All Over It...

It's just got to be a remote control, hopping, yodeling pair of novelty Lederhosen.

Posted by Bree at 12:38 PM | Comments (0)

February 03, 2007

Business Expenses

Things I bought in New York

1. One pair Rock & Republic jeans - marked to $76 (from $180)
2. Two padded push-up bras
3. One sassy, sheer nightie
4. One beautious, silky dark blue and white damask duvet cover - marked to $100 (from $400)
5. Three $8 Jacques Torres chocolate bars
6. One jar of fig jam
7. One decorative plate with a *real* spiderweb inside
8. One hummingbird wall stencil
9. One "Some Girls" album cover notebook
10. Three bottles of wine and one bottle of vodka
11. Three sushi dinners
12. Two New York Posts
13. One bag of ice
14. Three street cart coffees
15. Seven cab rides

Posted by Bree at 02:35 PM | Comments (1)

An AC Introduced in the First Act...

is gone by the Second.

As some of you may recall from my posting of January 28, I had a purloined window-unit AC to rid myself of before the upcoming move. One ad on Craigslist later:

Free Window Unit Air Conditioner (City Park)
Reply to: sale-272655508@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-02-02, 10:20PM MST

Samsung AC I dragged out from Brooklyn last year. Been sitting on my porch ever since. If you want it, let me know. I'm moving soon and it ain't coming with.

Not sure it works but don't see why it wouldn't (*unless, of course, they're not made to sit outside for several months). Dunno. Come get her and check it out.

And, a mere 12 hours later, she's gone. Bruce of "I live by the zoo" fame just came and carted the little girl down the street. Fly away, little AC! Fly away!

Posted by Bree at 10:54 AM | Comments (0)

January 28, 2007

Free for the Taking

Hey Denver!

Does anyone out there want a Samsung window-unit air conditioner? After stealing it from either McNamara or my brother (same diff.), I dragged this puppy from Manhattan to Brooklyn allllll the wayyyyyy out to Denver. And though it's been sitting on my front porch for near a year now (classy) - I have every reason to suspect it works. Just knock the snow off and she'll be good as new.

Lemme know ASAP if you have any conditioning needs as I'm tossing the she-bitch to the curb (i.e., craigslist) STAT-like upon my return.

Posted by Bree at 10:20 AM | Comments (1)

January 13, 2007

Schtuff It

When the going gets tough, the tough use clichés. They also go shopping.

After a morning spent in a Vicodin/americano haze at St. Marks "chatting shit" (as Mikey Skinner might say), with a friend of mine, I hopped down to a couple of stores and got my purchasing on for the new house. Yeah, yeah. I know I'm sick and should be reclining and so forth. Not exactly my style...plus if I'm all illing and have to get surgery and all this, I want to do what I can before the hammer - so to speak - drops, splattering my gall bladder all over hither and yon. So stop worrying, friends and family - I'm pushing through. And I'm realizing how "phat" (as MC Lyte might say) it is to have tax-free exemption. 10 percent discount wherever I go?! Feel me, brothers!
Not.
So.
Fast.
Sisters.

To the point, I think I may buy this tomorrow:

Mirrors?! Silver?! Clothes storage?! These are a few of my favorite things! Though, to tell the truth, I'm a bit torn on whether I want a tall narrow one, or a long, low one, so need some time to contemplate. Psyched as hell to get rid of that P.O.S. I got on Atlantic Avenue last year, though.

Adding to the joy? This lovely, which was purchased online in a Vicodin/Two Buck Chuck haze last night:

That's all. I'm broke as a bloke and need to get some contractors over to the crib, so maybe need to take a bit of a break on the furniture-spending front. Whee! All so exciting!

If anyone's on the hunt for a cheap(ish), well-made ottoman, by the way, I strongly suggest this guy from Crate and Barrel. Ottomans are ridiculously expensive, and he's been marked down over 500 buckaroos!

Posted by Bree at 02:34 PM | Comments (0)

December 04, 2006

Mein Spray-On Condom

Don't you like condoms, because the Dinger disturbs with the Sex? That can be changed: We help to find you „a custom-made “condom, with the Sex guarantee more fun make.

The Dinger?

Posted by Bree at 02:47 PM | Comments (1)

November 29, 2006

Wow

I can't get enough of this new jewelry designer Zoe Chicco. Hot damn, you think this'll fly in D-Town? Eh - who cares - I'm totally melting, and that's all that counts. Well...maybe not ALL that counts.

Maybe.

Posted by Bree at 10:36 AM | Comments (0)

November 15, 2006

Pipe Down

"If only I were a chosen one," Bree enthused, "it is this...this menorah...that would adorn my holiday table."

The crowd surged forward.

Posted by Bree at 06:50 AM | Comments (0)

November 13, 2006

Missing: Old Friend

To anyone who has information as to the wherabouts of my slightly used, wholly beloved OXO apple corer, please e-mail or call me at your earliest convenience. $7 reward.
No questions asked.

Posted by Bree at 07:02 PM | Comments (0)

November 12, 2006

Sashimi for me-me? No, Sushu for you-you!

Beautiful - and expensive - chocolate sushi available here. Clearly the perfect give for your endamommy this Christmas. ("Endamommy! Oh no she dint!")

Budget version here.

(Link curtsy Mike McNamaki.)

Posted by Bree at 07:29 PM | Comments (0)

Bluetooth killer. Why, Bree?

Seems Nokia has a new Bluetooth killing technology called, for no obvious reason: Wibree. Expect this to be the source of many only moderately funny quips by yours truly for the next several years. For instance: "Why Bree, what a convenient handsfree device you have there." Feel free to join in the mirth.

- Matt

Nokia introduces Wibree technology as open industry initiative

A unique radio technology extending local connectivity to small devices

HELSINKI, Finland – October 3, 2006 — Nokia today introduced Wibree technology as an open industry initiative extending local connectivity to small devices. This new radio technology developed by Nokia Research Center complements other local connectivity technologies, consuming only a fraction of the power compared to other such radio technologies, enabling smaller and less costly implementations and being easy to integrate with Bluetooth solutions. Wibree is the first open technology offering connectivity between mobile devices or Personal Computers, and small, button cell battery power devices such as watches, wireless keyboards, toys and sports sensors. By extending the role mobile devices can play in consumers’ lives, this technology increases the growth potential in these market segments.

For more info go to www.wibree.com. I know it's not a link, but darned if posting those links ain't a beeotch.

Posted by Matt at 05:38 PM | Comments (0)

November 09, 2006

Sneaky

I had a crisis of conscience the other day in Nordstrom's that I've been, thus far, too ripped up about to discuss. Here's the deal: I've been wearing Jack Purcells since the mid-90's. Yes, they are Converse...no, they're not Chuck Taylors...yes they are BADMINTON shoes...no they're not for everyone...but...yes, I rock 'em like the sweetness they are.

Sure, I've stepped out with my Pro-Keds, with my Pumas, with my Asics, with my Adidas, with any number of my 400 otros zapatos but it's that crisp pair of white (or black) Purcells that I always depend on to start my summer out on just the right foot. (<--eh? Tramps like us, baby...we were born to copywrite. 'cept for all the prepositions. 'tevs. I'm the boss here.)

So give a minute to empathize with the heartache I felt upon spotting THESE John Varvatos-designed Chuck Taylors:

(They also come in black, but the darker the hue, the more hidden the majesty.) Dude! I LOVE THEM. Extra holes + springy laces = big smiles 'round D-town. But they're...cough...100 bucks!

(Falsetto) "100 bucks!"

That's twice the price of Purcell's! And at least ten times (est.) the price of Kung Fu shoes! Ahhhh! What a rip-off!

But, on the other, don't I deserve the best? Don't I? After all my struggle, after all my toil...don't I deserve a little something once in a while to call my own? A little something special to make me stand out from the crowd?

Dad?

Mom?

You love Nordstrom's, remember? Remember all the good times you had with the piano player? Remember when you went to New Jersey that one New Years and left me and Matt alone and came back with a primary color-blocked mock-turtleneck sweater you bought me there?

That was crazy! What were you thinking?!

No, not the sweater...well, yes the sweater! Have you EVER seen me in yellow?! Repeat: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! But look, that's not the point. The