June 24, 2008
Enememorial
In this Wednesday, June 18, 2008 hand out photo, nurses are seen, posing near a monument to enemas at Mashuk Akva-Term Sanatorium in the town of Zheleznovodsk, Russian Caucasus Mountains region. Alexander Kharchenko, director of the Russian spa says the world's first monument to enema treatments has been unveiled at the spa in the southern city of Zheleznovodsk. The bronze syringe bulb, weighs 800 pounds and is held by three angels.
Via AP Photo
(Thanks, Matt!)
Posted by Bree at 08:43 PM | Comments (0)
May 31, 2008
Brown Hair Signals an Economic Downturn
"On a spring afternoon, a half-dozen hairstylists to the very wealthy talked about how customers are stretching their $350 highlights and $150 haircuts to every eight weeks instead of six weeks. Some women are cutting out highlights entirely, saying they would 'rather be brunettes.'"
Via NY Times
Posted by Bree at 10:27 AM | Comments (0)
May 15, 2008
Glee (P.M. Edition)
A Christian group out of San Diego has found grounds for outrage over the new retro-style logo for Starbucks Coffee.
The Resistance says the new image "has a naked woman on it with her legs spread like a prostitute," Mark Dice, founder of the group, said in a news release. "Need I say more? It's extremely poor taste, and the company might as well call themselves Slutbucks."
- Source
Posted by Bree at 12:18 PM | Comments (1)
May 05, 2008
Man, Nay Genius, Accused of Trying to Cash Check for $360,000,000,000
A man has been accused of attempting to pass a $360 billion check, which he claims was given to him by his girlfriend’s mother to start a record business, Fort Worth police said.
Charles Ray Fuller, 21, of Crowley, was arrested on April 22 on an accusation of forgery, police said. 
Police responded to a report of a man attempting to pass the check about 4 p.m. that day at the Chase bank in the 8600 block of South Hulen Street, Fort Worth police Lt. Paul Henderson said.
The personal check was not made out to Mr. Fuller and when the bank contacted the check owner, the woman said she did not write a check for $360 billion.
Mr. Fuller was also accused of unlawful carrying of a weapon and possession of marijuana, Lt. Henderson said. He may also face a theft charge in Crowley.
Lt. Henderson said he did not know if Mr. Fuller and his girlfriend were still together.
Article here. Thanks, brother!
Posted by Bree at 05:21 PM | Comments (0)
March 06, 2008
Athinine
Network Apologizes for Mocking Athol
By STEPHANIE REITZ
SPRINGFIELD, Mass. (AP) - A cable sports network says it no longer will make Athol the butt of its jokes. Comcast SportsNet said Thursday it would pull a newspaper ad that leaders of the small central Massachusetts town called insulting and offensive.
The ad featured two side-by-side signs that together read: "We can pronounce Worcester ... without sounding like an Athol."
A network spokesman said it apologized Thursday to the town and Selectman Wayne Miller, who raised the issue this week after residents complained that the ad ridiculed Athol by linking its name to a similarly sounding vulgarity...
Posted by Bree at 03:50 PM | Comments (0)
February 10, 2008
Biggest Bust in History?
More like biggest ass in history. Wow.
Posted by Bree at 08:17 PM | Comments (0)
January 10, 2008
Beginning to Get Very Disconcerted About This World: Headline Edition
Find all these (and more!) on MSNBC:
- Man spots wife during visit to brothel
- Man stabs self with knives in pants
- Idaho man amputates, microwaves hand
- Probation for mailing cow head to wife’s lover (excerpt: Jason Michael Fife "understands that in a civilized society a person cannot send a severed cow's head to anybody," said his defense lawyer, Henry Hilles.)
- Boy glues hand to bed to avoid school
- Green pig gives birth to glowing piglets (Mmm, Radioaco Bits...)
- Meet a real-life ‘Blue Man’
Posted by Bree at 12:04 PM | Comments (0)
December 11, 2007
Beard News
Jews took their instructions on the wearing of beards from Leviticus, which left strict instructions not to 'mar the corners of thy beard'. Presumably the confusion over where the corner of a beard is found prompted men to just leave it alone. The forced removal of a Jewish beard is considered a grave insult, as Hanum found out to his cost, and in many paintings Christ is represented with his beard defiled prior to crucifixion.
- The Hirsute History of the World
Posted by Bree at 12:34 AM | Comments (0)
November 07, 2007
Ha! Take THAT, Death!
MSNBC published an article today called "50 Ways to Beat the Reaper." Because this blog is service journalism at it's finest, I'll get friendly with my cut and paste functions and sum up below the first 11 below. If I were you, however, I'd just click over and read the whole piece. The studies cited are wicked male-focused (Duh, it's an article from Men's Health - ed.), but prolly still useful to the fairer sex.
1. Drink at least five 8-ounce glasses of water a day
2. Take a laugh break
3. Don't go to work sick
4. Put out the fire in your chest (aka treat your heartburn)
5. Indulge your chocolate craving
6. Say no to Froot Loops (and all cereal made from refined grains)
7. Take a magnesium supplement
8. Burn 1,100 calories a week
9. Take a daily multivitamin
10. Hit the weights
11. Set a three-drink limit
Posted by Bree at 04:37 PM | Comments (0)
September 20, 2007
I Knew It!
Carting a book called Infidel on my last flight gave me a little delirium tremens, I ain't gone lie, and now: my deepest suspicions confirmed, nay VALIDATED. Luckily for me, I guess, the screeners at Southwest were too busy looking for boobs and buttcheeks to heed my scandalous (read: totally anti-Islam and pro-lady, democracy, etc.) text.
Posted by Bree at 12:43 PM | Comments (0)
September 19, 2007
Good.
Iranian President Asks to Lay Wreath at Ground Zero, Request Denied
The U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, Zalmay Khalilzad, told reporters Wednesday that the United States would not support Iran's attempt to use the site for a "photo op.''
Posted by Bree at 05:35 PM | Comments (0)
September 17, 2007
Weather Journalism: Hitting a New Low
(c/o the Denver Post. Bullseye!)
Posted by Bree at 11:31 AM | Comments (0)
Polls Are Open!
Which headline gleaned from my newsreaders this morning most titillates your ocelot?
A. Maddie 'like dingo case' (c/o Google News)
or
B. JODIE ON TOP OF BOX... (c/o Drudge, naturally)
Think carefully before deciding. Sex sells, course, but so does the rallying cry of "The dingo et ma bebbay!" It's a toughie.
Posted by Bree at 08:09 AM | Comments (0)
September 14, 2007
The Dorks are Coming, The Dorks are Coming!
Sword scares RTD bus riders
By Kirk Mitchell
Denver Post Staff Writer
The man was wearing a fu manchu mustache and armor and brandished what appeared to be a blood-splattered sword at an RTD bus stop at University Avenue this morning.
Commuters were concerned enough about the realistic-looking sword, with a curved Arabian-style blade, that they called police.
"He was Goth in appearance," said Orin Levy, a free-lance television producer who called 911. "It was very bizarre. Surreal. The guy's expression looked more like he was a bewildered traveler."
A police officer tracked the man down, asked him about the sword and learned that the man was headed to a video game convention and that the sword - though it appeared metallic - was made of wood, said Sonny Jackson, Denver police spokesman.
"No harm no foul," Jackson said. "We let him go."
Posted by Bree at 10:43 AM | Comments (0)
August 27, 2007
Storm Anticipates My Arrival
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Apparently, a heavy-duty storm brought Williamstown to a level of batterment and bruisdom not seem since the produce section at the old Grand Union.
From ma mamma:
We had quite the lightning storm Sat. evening with high winds. Many limbs down on fence lines, etc. About 12 hrs of clean-up work. I was standing in the kitchen watching the pool when a large object came flying over the road and landed in the shallow end. The splash went 6 ft. in the air. We had no idea what it was and could only see that it wasn't floating. We couldn't go out until the storm stopped. It turned out to be a 2 ft. by 1 ft. stainless chimney cap, about 18 inches high. I assume from the house across the street. Our power was off from 7:00 p.m. until 4:00 a.m.
That's AWESOME. Especially 'cause I missed the "12 hrs. of clean-up work." AHMAGOD. Anyone up for a swim?
Posted by Bree at 11:24 AM | Comments (0)
August 14, 2007
RIP Rizzuto
No Yankee fan I be, but just had to take a moment to give a respectful shout-out (in my church voice, naturally) to Phil Rizzuto. Ever since the ninth grade, when my roommate in boarding school dated his nephew Mike (a kid who pronounced his hometown "Reviyah" and had Homer Simpson's head spraypainted on his jeans), I've felt a special kinship to the man. And, after reading the article, I see my instincts were right.
One question though: why didn't the Times feel it relevant to mention his awesome Money Store ads? Too low-falutin' for the paper of record? My word. As my mammy always said, "Judge not lest ye be named Lester." We've all gotta make a buck - especially if it's just at seven and a half percent.
That's right.
Seven and a half percent.
Posted by Bree at 12:25 PM | Comments (0)
August 13, 2007
No Spin Zone? Hardly.
The overwhelmingly negative implications of this article offend on nearly every level. Has anyone even bothered to ask why a young girl would need feeling in her lips?
Posted by Bree at 10:55 PM | Comments (0)
July 22, 2007
Wondering if It Was Jungle Wing..?
Whooo! The serendipitous stripes of a couple of black and gold tigers get a major shout-out in the Times Vows section. And strangely? It's not the bride and groom.
Posted by Bree at 06:23 PM | Comments (0)
July 19, 2007
Worst. Nightmare. Realized.
I repeat: Worst. Nightmare. Realized.
And I'm not talking about being named Midge. Though I see why you'd be confused.
(link c/o foxy Froxy)
Posted by Bree at 10:20 AM | Comments (0)
July 11, 2007
Rhetorichard
Why does THIS remind me of THIS?
Hahahahah!
SNAP!
Posted by Bree at 10:30 AM | Comments (0)
July 09, 2007
Telling It Like It Is
Posted by Bree at 05:11 PM | Comments (0)
July 01, 2007
Question
WHEN IN THE FUCK DID I MOVE TO PHOENIX?
Posted by Bree at 10:17 PM | Comments (0)
Nota [Gross] Benz: Thai-er Beware
Me and the skier boy got delivery last night from a popular Thai place on Colfax. After he ate all of his, he started grubbing mine (which was the E5 - stir-fried veggies, garlic sauce, brown rice) and pulled out of his mouth a piece of plastic ZIP-TIE. A few bites later, he pulled out another piece of plastic. (Bear in mind we were sitting outside, eating in the dark, and the plastic pieces actually looked like bean sprouts.) I called the restaurant - they gave me a credit for a free meal, and we continued on with our evening.
So, this morning, I get up and go to throw out the one styrofoam container left on the counter. Right next to it? A little maggoty worm. On my counter. Now - granted - one could have nothing to do with the either, but I am meticulously clean in the kitchen (due to the fact I don't cook or own any food - ever), and I have NEVER seen anything like that in my house. I don't really care about that stuff too too much (after the fact, I mean), and I probably am not going to tell him (unless he's reading this - in which case, "Hi! So sorry I ordered from the vile restaurant of wormy infestation and salmonella-laden plasticates! My bad!") because it'll probably just gross him out and I have no hard proof, but EW.
The more I think about it, EW EW EW.
Anyone want a free meal credit? Just use my name and phone number. I'm serious. The chances I'm calling that place again range from .0001 to .00001 percent.
Posted by Bree at 02:34 PM | Comments (0)
Mmm, Pass the Aspic Ball
This is exactly why I don't eat samosas or Johnny Cakes. Clearly, there is some digestive process that makes them TRIPLE in size the second they hit the 'ole buddha...too many days have spent howling in agony to ever trust those dirty carb bombs again. But a pill? Manufactured by the Italians? Tested on 20 people? Sign me SO up. I'm gonna take, like, four and see if I can reacquaint myself with the Argentinian distention of last summer. Buenos. Tiempos.
Posted by Bree at 12:08 PM | Comments (0)
June 29, 2007
Ew
Thank God my AC is working so flawlessly...oh...wait...
Posted by Bree at 05:08 PM | Comments (0)
June 27, 2007
Plague of Baseball-Sized Hail
Posted by Bree at 11:05 AM | Comments (0)
June 15, 2007
Is It Just Me...
or is something going on in the Middle East?
I'll let you know if I hear anything.
Posted by Bree at 11:08 AM | Comments (0)
May 30, 2007
Wait Just a Minute...
Now I really mean it.
First the Bubonis, then killer hail and now TB?! Can I come home please?
Posted by Bree at 02:59 PM | Comments (0)
May 29, 2007
As If In Answer...
to the news posted below (aka: I! Got! A! Job!), the heavens just opened and unleashed a hail storm ne'er seen by the likes before:
"What in the..? Who in the..?"
That was pluuuum freakytowns. In fact, I daresay I might go so far as to call it Over the Top. But probably just the once.
Posted by Bree at 01:48 PM | Comments (0)
May 24, 2007
Live Blogging the Presidential Press Conference
"One area I've been disappointed is beef." - GWB
Me too, G-dubs. Me too.
Posted by Bree at 09:16 AM | Comments (0)
May 08, 2007
Stupid Babies
Posted by Bree at 12:10 PM | Comments (0)
April 19, 2007
Oldboy
"There has been some speculation, especially among online forums, that Cho may have been inspired by the South Korean movie 'Oldboy.' One of the killer's mailed photos shows him brandishing a hammer — the signature weapon of the protagonist — and in a pose similar to one from the film.
The film won the Gran Prix prize at the Cannes Film Festival in 2004. It is about a man unjustly imprisoned for 15 years. After escaping, he goes on a rampage against his captor." - AP Article on Cho Seung-Hui
That's a somewhat interesting and wholly disturbing angle on the killer's motivation. I saw that film with the XBF back in Brooklyn and found it to be one of the most agonizing cinematic experiences of my life. Though skillfully made, the main tenet of the plot was so wretched, so twisted and so contrary to everything positive about humanity that it was nearly unbearable. Somehow, it makes sense to me that the killer may have found something to relate to in this movie. That's how awful it was.
Posted by Bree at 10:31 AM | Comments (0)
March 29, 2007
Fire...or Firewater? Either Way, the Effects are Devastating!
Shot through the heart by some sad news out of Western Mass this morning. Apparently there was a fire last night in that new coffee shop on Spring Street which has DAMAGED THE PURPLE PUB (web site yet to be updated...of course). Damaged to the point that it may be torn down. Damaged to the point that it may NE'ER REOPEN. Fingers crossed the corn escaped unscathed.
I would link to a news article on this ghastly happening, but - naturally - The Transcript has more important things to report.
Posted by Bree at 12:12 PM | Comments (0)
March 01, 2007
Alert
Posted by Bree at 08:30 PM | Comments (0)
February 07, 2007
Life Without Mike's Forwards?
Heeeelarious.
Posted by Bree at 01:42 PM | Comments (0)
February 06, 2007
Posted by Bree at 11:55 PM | Comments (0)
January 16, 2007
Talk About a Lemon Squeezer
"In California, three nights of freezing temperatures have destroyed up to three-quarters of the state's $1 billion citrus crop, according to an estimate issued Monday. Other crops, including avocados and strawberries, also suffered damage."
c/o NY Times
Posted by Bree at 10:55 AM | Comments (0)
December 29, 2006
Funken Gonuts (Ah.)
Wow. Finally vindicated for the Dunkin Donuts debacle of '06 (wherein I verbally accosted my rude-n-rotund server, rightfully accusing the corpulent countess of crullers of, er, a rather impressive magnitude of bitchery), I will now descend to my position as the "2nd worst customer of all time."
Posted by Bree at 08:47 AM | Comments (0)
December 28, 2006
Shovelful of Suck
Denver's forecast, care of the National Weather Service:
This Afternoon: Periods of snow with areas of blowing snow, mainly after 2pm. The snow could be heavy at times. Temperature falling to around 20 by 5pm. Northeast wind around 11 mph. Chance of precipitation is 90%. Total daytime snow accumulation of 4 to 8 inches possible.Tonight: Periods of snow with areas of blowing snow. The snow could be heavy at times. Low around 9. Wind chill values between -2 and 3. East northeast wind between 9 and 14 mph, with gusts as high as 22 mph. Chance of precipitation is 100%. New snow accumulation of 10 to 16 inches possible.
Friday: Periods of snow. High near 22. Wind chill values between -4 and 6. East northeast wind between 3 and 10 mph. Chance of precipitation is 80%. New snow accumulation of 3 to 5 inches possible.
Posted by Bree at 11:02 AM | Comments (0)
November 15, 2006
Pretty Hilarious...You Know, As Far As Death's Concerned
My neighborhood association puts out (aka throws over our gate in a manilla envelope) a mimeographed little newsletter about local happenings and real estate and so on. Not to be too picky as far as service journalism goes but, by meants of introduction to this fine publication, let me present the opening paragraph of the first page:
"Did you know Diane Laueren? If you didn't it's too late now. She passed away at the end of the summer."
Good gracious, how's that for a howdeedo?
The author continues to pull zero punches throughout the piece, memorializing the woman's character with a series of heartwarming anecdotes, including:
"My favorite story about her was when she stopped her car near East High to assist a disheveled drunk whose pants had slipped down to his ankles. She walked up to him and yanked his pants up, pinned them and left him swirling around in his drunken stupor while she got back in her car and drove away."
That is so disturbing on so many levels, I don't even know where to begin. One point I can't let slip away into the nether, however, is who the hell has pins in their car? Diane, apparently.
After this in-depth exploration of the seedy undercarriage of Colfax Avenue - or at least one of its denizens - the eulogy comes to a peaceful end with a list of the woman's remaining family, including the name of her "best significant other." Her best significant other? [Insert Utah/Bill Paxton joke plz.]
Well, that's the morning news from City Park: where we like our ledes direct, our drunks properly attired and our relationships loosey-goosey. Oh how I long for the moral fortitude and sensitivity of the New York Post.
Posted by Bree at 10:33 AM | Comments (0)
October 27, 2006
No Means No, Except When It Means Medium-Rare
I can't help but feel that if Hilali had really absorbed the concepts behind my 10th-grade treatise on date rape, he might reconsider this controversial stance. And I'd also like to go on the record that the only reason I got a B+ on this groundbreaking work (positing, among other bold theories, that alcohol sometimes could sometimes be thought to impair judgment) was because of an improperly formatted bibliography and a somewhat laissez-faire annotation system. My research stands unchallenged in the courts of my peers.
Posted by Bree at 11:40 AM | Comments (0)
October 05, 2006
Do You Sometimes Feel Like...
Also, does anyone know where I can get a rubber tarpaulin and some buckets? Home Depot, right?
Posted by Bree at 09:55 AM | Comments (0)
September 28, 2006
What I Want to Know is This...
Posted by Bree at 10:21 PM | Comments (0)
September 26, 2006
What Color is Your Parachute?
Track and field line judge Lia Mara Lourenco is helped after a javelin hit her in her foot during 'Brazil Trophy,' a national track and field competition, in Sao Paulo, Brazil, Sunday, Sept. 24, 2006.
Thinking this woman might be due for a career change.
Posted by Bree at 08:14 AM | Comments (0)
September 09, 2006
Breaking: Slovaks Do It Better
Auto-eroticism Undoes Driver
BRATISLAVA (Reuters) - A Slovak driver who crashed into a bus shocked rescuers who found him unconscious and half naked with a vacuum pump on his penis.
Police said the 42-year-old man, driving an old Citroen in the Slovak town of Levice, had ignored a "give way" sign.
"It's very likely he had auto-sex while driving, it is a matter of investigation. After the accident he was found lying in the seat, his pants were off and it (the pump) was placed on his penis," police officer Peter Polak told Reuters.
"I've never seen anything like this, nor have my colleagues," he added.
The man was taken to hospital with head injuries.
Posted by Bree at 03:01 PM | Comments (0)
August 30, 2006
Halfway, Oregon (and Then I Lose my Mind to High School Political Gossip Rivalry Followed by a Threat of "Autumnal" Porn)
The Design Observer has a great article about Half.com, Oregon - a small town that sold its naming rights to...right...well, to Half.com.
Who'd you think I was gonna say?
Which totally reminds me of reading an article in the late-90's about an old woman named Dot Com.
That's it.
That's all I got.
Why don't YOU try to google "Dot Com" and see how much progress you make.
Then we'll talk.
All right. I'm spewing so much tech over here, I might as well have gone to McCann. Go Hornets!
Um...pardon me...MAJOR NOTA FUCKING MAJOR BREAKING BENE UPDATE: Is that a picture of John Kerry on the McCann homepage? (Hint: not wearing safety goggles or a smart beige blazer.) If so, they just TOTALLY trumped Greylock's "The Governor's husband? Yeah, he's our gym teacher," thing. OK - I take that back. Nothing really beats that one. But if Kerry was actually campaigning in N Fucking A, then the reasons behind his loss have become startingly clear. Didn't North Adams elect, like, a 19-year old as Mayor at one point?
UPDATE ON UPDATE: This is real-time people. Live-blogging a high school homepage's artful recreation of the Kerry denouement...if this doesn't drive traffic, well by God, I'm going to have to buy Ms. Com a one-way ticket to Denver and charge a buck apiece for nudie shots. If I can find her that is...curses!
Posted by Bree at 11:19 PM | Comments (0)
August 29, 2006
Foxes on a Plane
Jenny pointed me to the TSA's delightful summation of permitted and prohibited items.
For your next flight, please remember the following items are not allowed in carry-on but can be securely placed in your checked baggage:
- Bubble bath balls
- Ice Axes/Ice Picks
- Meat Cleavers
- Sabers
- Cricket Bats
- Spear Guns
- Axes and Hatchets
- Cattle Prods
- Saws (including cordless portable power saws)
- Billy Clubs
- Black Jacks
- Brass Knuckles
- Nunchakus
- Throwing Stars
- Cheese in pressurized containers
- Pudding
The following items are allowed in carry-on:
- Up to 4 oz. of essential non-prescription liquid medications including saline solution, eye care products and KY jelly
- Gel-filled bras and similar prosthetics - Gel-filled bras may be worn through security screening and aboard aircraft.
- Toy Transformer Robots
- Slate and Stylus
- Pull sleeves used to put on or remove prosthetic devices, if carried by the individual with the prosthetic device or his or her companion.
The following items are not allowed in either carry-on or checked baggage:
- Hand Grenades
- Plastic Explosives
- Fuels
- Gas Torches
- Chlorine for Pools and Spas
- Tear Gas
Strangely, given all the hype, the TSA policy on cobras - either lost or found - does not seem nearly as extensive as the MTA's. (I know there's an enchanting Eden/subway station comparison in here somewhere but between the vomit, the 120-degree platforms and the pile of urine-soaked rags over in the corner, darned if I can smell it.)
Posted by Bree at 12:02 PM | Comments (0)
August 27, 2006
Well...Duh!
I could have told you that. Granted, I was busy earning handsome returns in my high paying occupation that requires more advanced verbal and numerical skills and greater intelligence [than yours].
Or perhaps I was just busy Google image-searching for pictures of Jared Leto in Crocs.
Guess you'll never know.
Posted by Bree at 06:26 PM | Comments (0)
Shear Lunacy
In today's edition of "Wait - what the hell?" Colorado hikers find a domestic sheep atop a 14,000 foot mountain.
No word yet on whether or not he had any wool.
UPDATE: He has three bags full.
Posted by Bree at 01:20 PM | Comments (0)
August 16, 2006
Former Dictator of Paraguay Dies; Paraguayan History Lesson Follows
According to the Times web site, General Alfredo Stroessner - the former dictator/president of Paraguay - died today in exile in Brazil. The article gives some crrrrrazy details about that neck of the bois, some of which I'll recount here with the old "cut, copy, paste" functionality I'm so known for...oh and again, you're totally welcome!
- Today, Paraguay remains the country with the most uneven distribution of land and wealth on the planet, followed by Brazil.
- Under General Stroessner...the country became a haven for Nazis on the run, with new passports and visas sold for a price. Among those it sheltered was Josef Mengele, the “Angel of Death” who selected victims for the gas chambers at Auschwitz and conducted medical experiments on humans.
- In the 27 years before his coup, his small landlocked nation had had 22 presidents, and no experience of a democratic transition of power in its 143-year history.
- Paraguay waged [a disastrous war] simultaneously against Argentina, Uruguay and Brazil from 1865 to 1870, which shrank its population from 525,000 to 221,000, and left the nation with only 28,000 men.
- The 1930’s and 40’s were a period of turmoil for Paraguay, which had suffered 100,000 dead in the Chaco war with Bolivia, which was fought over a swampland that ultimately had none of the mineral resources the two sides imagined was there.
Posted by Bree at 06:26 PM | Comments (0)
July 06, 2006
Shit Hits Fluff Fan; N*elys Respond With Solidarity, Vow "Whatever it Takes"
Massachusetts senator wants Fluff banned from school lunches
June 19, 2006CAMBRIDGE, Mass. --A state senator is taking aim at a childhood food staple: Fluff.
Sen. Jarrett Barrios was so outraged his son Nathaniel, a third-grader, was given a peanut butter and Fluff sandwich at the King Open School in Cambridge, he said he plans to file legislation to outlaw the marshmallow spread in school lunch programs.
"A Fluff sandwich as the main course of a nutritious lunch just doesn't fly in 2006," Barrios said. "It seems a little silly to have an amendment on Fluff, but it's called for by the silliness of schools offering this as a healthy alternative in the first place."
Barrios said he will offer an amendment to a junk-food bill that would severely limit the serving in schools of marshmallow spreads such as Marshmallow Fluff, concocted by a Massachusetts man before World War I and which still is made by a family owned business in Lynn.
Marshmallow Fluff and peanut butter sandwiches -- known as Fluffernutters -- have long been a favorite of New England kids.
"I've been eating Fluff nearly my entire life," said Don Durkee, 80, whose family started the company that makes Fluff in 1920. "The irony of this is Marshmallow Fluff happened to be invented in Somerville, Barrios's home district."
Posted by Bree at 02:54 PM | Comments (0)
June 21, 2006
Survival of the Gassiest
Whales Slap Flatulent Prey
June 20,2006 — Norwegian killer whales slap their tails underwater to disorient and kill herring, which sometimes defend themselves from the assault by disappearing under the cover of their own bubbly flatulence, according to a new study.The study is one of two papers presented at the recent Acoustical Society of America Meeting in Rhode Island that addressed some of the clever techniques whales employ to catch their dinner.
While whales often are successful, some herring escape. The study's authors perhaps say it best: “Farting may save their lives.”
Read the rest of this important - and fragrant - scientific treatise here...
Posted by Bree at 09:51 AM | Comments (0)
June 08, 2006
Political Post of the Year
Bwahha!
OK.
Phew!
Still with me?
Now that I've gotten all "breaking news" over here, I can safely return to my day-to-day life of self-indulgence and mindless hedonism. And curse words. And Lady Sovereign. And black coffee.
Posted by Bree at 08:59 AM | Comments (0)
June 04, 2006
Well Then!
Massholes Need Not Apply
Let the farce be with you, Colorado!
Libation-seekers with out-of-state IDs might not want to deposit themselves at the Bank Bar and Grill, 2239 East Colfax Avenue, on a Sunday night. Because while the Bank does offer $2 you-call-its to officially mark the end of the Sabbath, the deal is locals-only. In fact, signs on the walls advise patrons that the Bank "reserves the right to refuse service to anyone without a valid Colorado State ID."What - no shirts, no hiking boots, no service?
"Many nights we get some rough people in here," notes Robbie Secrist, the bar's general manager. "And we've found that most of the time the people that come in and want to cause problems are from out of state. I honestly don't even know the reason why."
Could it be rowdy groups of Cornhuskers looking to get shucked? A bunch of sassy Kansans with something to prove? Ben and Jerry, in from Vermont and talking shit? Even in native-conscious Colorado, such a policy seems pretty provincial.
"Two summers ago, we had a lot of gang activity," Secrist says. "At that time, we had a Denver police officer on the door, and he suggested the policy; he explained that when there's a lot of gang activity, a lot of it often comes from out of state. So we tried it, and it really worked for us."
That trouble was an owner ago: Last year, the Bank became part of the mighty Pete Contos empire (think Pete's Kitchen, the Satire, Pete's Greek Town Cafe, etc., etc.). With the change in ownership, the $2 you-call-it Sunday special disappeared for a while -- but now it's back, and so is the locals-only policy. Still, while the always-sell-Colorado rule is a standing one, the Bank usually enforces it only on the $2-special night.
This past Sunday, the bar was packed to the gills with Colorado drink-swillers -- and there wasn't a transplant to be found in the mix. At least eight angry out-of-staters were turned away, Secrist reports. "A lot of it is really attitude when you come up to the door," he adds. "If you're cool and there's plenty of room inside, we'll probably let you in. It's unfortunate that we have to do something like this, but we just want everyone to have a fun, safe time."
Everyone from Colorado, that is.
Posted by Bree at 10:57 PM | Comments (0)
June 02, 2006
And the Brits Sweep the Headline of the Day Awards...
with this flawless entry from Star Magazine:
Angelina Jolie Has Shiloh, Holds Depressed Brad Pitt Hostage
Well done, chaps!
Posted by Bree at 12:22 PM | Comments (0)
May 25, 2006
Ain't No Party Like a West Coast Party
Calif. Winemakers Best French Rivals
NAPA, Calif. (AP) -- French and California winemakers marked the 30th anniversary of the storied Paris tasting with another sip-and-spit showdown.California won -- and by more than a nose.
Native wines took the top five of 10 spots, with a 1971 Ridge Monte Bello cabernet sauvignon from the Santa Cruz mountains coming out on top Wednesday.
''Today was a snapshot in time and all the stars were aligned properly. We had a lot of fun,'' said Peter Marks, director of wine at Copia, the Napa Valley wine and arts center where the New World end of the tasting was held. A European panel of tasters met at a London wine merchant to give their rating.
The May 24, 1976 tasting known as the Judgment of Paris is considered a milestone in the American wine industry because it shattered the perception that the New World was capable only of producing cheap bulk wines.
It was put together by Steven Spurrier, an English wine merchant who owned a shop and wine school in Paris. Spurrier, now a wine consultant, also was co-organizer of Wednesday's rematch.
The tasting was in two parts, with judges re-evaluating the original reds and then tasting a variety of modern reds and whites from both countries. (Whites don't generally age well and weren't part of the re-enactment.)
Back in '76, it was a complete surprise when California wines outclassed the French. A Stag's Leap 1973 cabernet sauvignon was top red and another Napa Valley wine, a Chateau Montelena 1973 chardonnay, took top white.
Tellingly, the judges were unable to distinguish the French and California wines, although they thought they could.
Spurrier staged a re-tasting for the 1986 anniversary, and California wines again took top places, although the No. 1 red then was a Clos du Val 1972 cabernet sauvignon.
The 30-year anniversary tasting sparked controversy, with some wineries on both sides of the Atlantic reluctant to have their new vintages tasted blind, a high stakes game in which someone has to come out last.
In a compromise, the re-enactment tasting was blind, but the new wines were identified by country so there was no direct competition.
Top French white was a Puligny-Montrachet Premier Cru des Pucelles 2002 Domaine Leflaive; for California it was a Talley Rosemary's Vineyard 2002. Top French red was a Chateau Margaux 2000 and the leading California red was a Ridge Monte Bello 2000.
''It's just beautiful,'' said Christian Vanneque, who was a judge at the '76 Paris tasting and again Wednesday in Napa. ''It shows that these California wines ... did win also the test of time.''
Holla at me, Ridge!
Posted by Bree at 12:23 PM | Comments (0)
May 15, 2006
Cut-Throat Trout Takes Lad Book by Short and Curlies
In case your Sweet and Bitter title decoder ring hasn't come in the mail yet, let me put this news another way. According to Gawker, Colorado College alumnus Jimmy Jellinek has been named Editor-in-Chief of Maxim. Though one might think the toughest part of that gig would be deciding which Jessica (Alba, Biel, Simpson-Lachey) to hose down and throw on the cover each month, young Jellinek is a funny, funny man who just might be the shining star to finally bring the CC English Department the recognition it has so long yearned for, it has so long deserv-ed.
Oh! Just in from the Springs: in celebration of our new "golden grad," the lovely ladies of Bemis Hall will strip down and bikini wrestle in a pit of soy pudding, pot and old Birkenstocks. Upbeat rhythms to be provided by Maceo "Llamapallooza" Parker; hot hor'doeuvres and other light refreshments to be provided by Benji's "House of Puke" Café. Mercy flushing, indeedy.
Look for more info in your Worner Box.
Posted by Bree at 04:56 PM | Comments (1)
May 04, 2006
Once You Go Egyptian...
Today's news comes to us thanks to Tan's exhaustive research into antiquated genitalia:
May 3, 2006 — King Tutankhamun's rediscovered penis could make the pharaoh stand out in the shrunken world of male mummies, according to a close look into old pictures of the 3,300-year-old mummified king.The formerly missing sex organ has been just another puzzle in the story of the best-known pharaoh of ancient Egypt.
Photographed intact by Harry Burton (1879-1940) during Howard Carter's excavation of Tut's tomb in 1922, the royal penis was reported missing in 1968, when British scientist Ronald Harrison took a series of X-rays of the mummy.
Speculation abounded that the penis had been stolen and sold.
"Instead, it has always been there. I found it during the CT scan last year, when the mummy was lifted. It lay loose in the sand around the king's body. It was mummified," Zahi Hawass, chief of Egypt's Supreme Council of Antiquities, told Discovery News.
Thinking he's got nothin' on Rasputin and his "mad monk," but you know me. Always been partial to the Russians.
Posted by Bree at 11:57 AM | Comments (0)
May 01, 2006
Impulsive or Let Die
Though there's little need to wonder why Tom sent me a recent Times article on the scientific "whos and whats" of spontaenity and impulse control, there is great need to read it for yourself. Here's a taste:
The people who can binge, gamble or try hard drugs and get away with it have a native cunning when it comes to risk, this and other studies suggest. They are prepared for the dangers like a mountain climber or they sample risk, in effect, by semiconsciously hedging their behavior — sipping their cocktails slowly, inhaling partly or keeping one toe on the cliff's edge, poised for retreat."These are highly self-directed people," said C. Robert Cloninger, a professor of psychiatry and genetics at Washington University in St. Louis and author of "Feeling Good: The Science of Well-Being." "They have goals and are resourceful in pursuing them."
Those who are upended by their own impulses, by contrast, are more likely to trust their first impressions implicitly and absolutely, the studies suggest.
Posted by Bree at 08:54 AM | Comments (0)
April 24, 2006
Cess and Desist
Awestruck, dumbfounded, nauseated - my emotions are running the gamut on this one:
Man, son, neighbor swallowed by cesspoolHUNTINGTON, NY (AP) -- A 71-year-old man who went outside in the rain to pick up the Sunday newspaper plunged into a cesspool in his front yard, and his son and neighbor were sucked in when they tried to rescue him. Firefighters said they helped pull out the victims -- covered in raw sewage but not badly hurt.
Andrew Palladino said the soggy ground, which had been soaked by two days of rain, gave way outside his Long Island home.
"I walked across the lawn, and all of a sudden I disappeared," he told cable television station News 12 Long Island.
He yelled for his wife, Louise, to help him, and she threw a rope and called their son, Dan, who lives with them.
"Oh, my God," the wife said. "A little more, he's sinking. He's a goner!"
The son said the scene "was like a horror picture."
A neighbor who heard the commotion ran over to help -- but the ground gave way again, swallowing him and the son. The neighbor crawled out while passers-by tried to hold onto the others until the Huntington Fire Department showed up. Firefighters secured the ground, lassoed Palladino and his son and dragged them out.
It's not the first time a cesspool -- a pit that collects waste from toilets and sinks -- has swallowed someone in the area.In 2001, a Huntington man practicing archery in the backyard with his two children died when his cesspool caved in and consumed him.
And in 1998, a Huntington Station man was rescued after he fell 65 feet into one.
Posted by Bree at 07:55 AM | Comments (0)
April 18, 2006
Argentinian Meat Tourism Board Shoots, Scores
Enormous Meat-Loving Dinosaur Found
By Jennifer Viegas, Discovery News
April 18, 2006— Remains of an enormous species of carnivorous dinosaur, which was longer than all other previously identified meat-eating dinos, have been found in western Patagonia, according to a news conference held there on Monday.
Researchers announced that the newly discovered meat muncher, Mapusaurus roseae, belongs to a group of gigantic carnivorous dinosaurs called carcharodontosaurids. This group includes Giganotosaurus, the largest meat-eating dinosaur to ever walk the earth.
The discovery is published in the latest issue of the journal Geodiversitas.
Paleontologists say Mapusaurus exceeded 41 feet in length and had a shinbone that was longer than that of Giganotosaurus. The current record-holder, however, retains its "largest" title because Giganotosaurus would have been wider and heavier than Mapusaurus.
***
Thinking Giganotosaurus retains its "largest" title because Mapusaurus is the Worst. Dinosaur. Name. Ever. Mapusaurus? What? Cartography hasn't been menacing since Scylla was chowing sailors. What about Rageosaurus or Bloodbathatops? Must I do ALL the work around here? Somebody get Borges down here!
First the arts and now the sciences - humanity is really letting me down today.
Posted by Bree at 01:57 PM | Comments (0)
April 17, 2006
Easter Follow-Up Reading
Word on the street is: "plenty awesome."
For some of us, anyhow.
And by "some of us," I mean the blondes.
Posted by Bree at 12:15 PM | Comments (0)
April 14, 2006
Friday Mile-HiJinks: Find the Barf Pun
Pilot caught trying to fly plane while drunk
MUMBAI (Reuters) - An Indian low-cost airline suspended a pilot after he was found drunk shortly before he was due to fly an aircraft with about 100 passengers on board, officials said Wednesday.
The surprise Tuesday check at Mumbai airport - India's busiest - threw up several minor violations of safety norms by airlines, including an instance of a pilot in another low-cost carrier trying to fly in a T-shirt because his only uniform had gone to the laundry.
While aviation officials let most offenders off with a warning, Captain N. Ronaldo, a South American pilot flying an Air Deccan aircraft from Mumbai to the eastern city of Kolkata, was referred for "action" after being found drunk on duty.
***
"Action," huh? Sure sounds like Mumbai's ready to party down.
Of course, I'll be taking a boat over.
Posted by Bree at 10:28 AM | Comments (0)
April 13, 2006
Sad Ad News
The AD of the agency that made me want to become a copywriter - and the force behind my all-time favorite campaign and, subsequently, my all-time favorite booze - killed himself.
Former TBWA\C\D Creative Hayes Dies
During his 18 years at TBWA\Chiat\Day, art director Geoff Hayes helped create Absolut Vodka's iconic bottle campaign, one of the agency's most famous and long-running. According to friends, Hayes, 57, took his own life two weeks ago in his New York City apartment.
In 1980, the South Africa native and his copywriter partner Graham Turner, now ecd at Young & Rubicam's Brand Buzz, created the first ad that kicked off the campaign, a stark print ad featuring the bottle against a black background with a halo hovering above it, with the headline, "Absolut Perfection." The award-winning campaign made the bottle the star and the Swedish vodka a top seller.
"He was a wonderful character," said Turner, who worked with him for more than decade. "He was very bright and inventive. We just had a great time together."
Hayes told Adweek in 1998 that his Absolut ad was inspired by The Honeymooners. He drew a prototype while watching the TV classic. "I'm now convinced it was the 'man in the moon' logo that inspired the ad," he said at the time. His original line, "Absolutely perfect," was tweaked by Turner to read, "Absolut perfection."
"There was a visual smartness to it," said Turner of their Absolut work. "What we did together was interesting. It just came easy. It was always good fun."
Turner first partnered with Hayes at Y&R in London in 1976. As a team they moved to Euro Advertising a couple of years later and were recruited to New York by TBWA in 1979. The pair stayed at TBWA until 1984, when they returned to London to work at JWT. Hayes returned to TBWA in 1993, and Turner returned to New York later to join Chiat/Day. In 1998, Hayes left the agency to return to South Africa.
Former TBWA head of business development John Doman said Hayes was "a very intense, sensitive, giving person. He was very dedicated to his work."
Posted by Bree at 12:07 AM | Comments (0)
April 12, 2006
"Yo Quiero Esto Madref**king Cocaína..."
Lo siento.
I couldn't resist.
Mexico Army Finds Tons of Cocaine on Plane
MEXICO CITY - Mexican soldiers seized 5 1/2 tons of cocaine worth more than $100 million from a commercial plane arriving from Venezuela, Mexico's Defense Department announced Tuesday.
The army was waiting for the plane on Monday at the airport of Cuidad de Carmen, 550 miles east of Mexico City, after receiving information from Venezuelan and U.S. authorities, Gen. Carlos Gaytan told a news conference.
The cocaine was stacked in 128 black suitcases marked private.
Soldiers arrested Colombian Miguel Vazquez, 47, who was the plane's co-pilot, but the pilot escaped, Gaytan said. There were no passengers.
The soldiers also arrested two Mexicans who were waiting at the airport with another plane.
Gaytan said airport officials initially stopped soldiers from approaching the plane, claiming there was an oil leak and that it might explode. The officials are being investigated to see if they were in league with the traffickers, said Mexico's top drug prosecutor, Jose Luis Santiago Vasconcelos.
U.S. and Mexican officials say that cocaine and heroin is increasingly passing from Colombia through Venezuela to Mexico where it is smuggled into the United States. While drug traffickers used planes to smuggle large quantities of drugs in the 1990s, most Mexican traffickers now use land and sea routes.
A U.S. State Department report released in March said that Venezuela has become a key transit point for drugs because of "rampant corruption at the highest levels of law enforcement and a weak judicial system."
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez suspended cooperation with the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration in August, accusing its agents of spying.
***
Hard to believe the old "Well, if we write 'Private' on the suitcases - there really shouldn't be a problem" scheme fell flat.
Posted by Bree at 10:24 AM | Comments (0)
April 11, 2006
Seven Strangers Picked to Live in a Yurt...
Finally some validation we can all get behind:
MTV's 'Real World' Heads to Denver
DENVER (AP) -- The 18th season of MTV's popular ''The Real World'' series will take place in Denver. The reality show, which features seven young strangers living and working together in a lavish home, is currently in its 17th season in Key West, Fla.
MTV announced Monday that Denver's installment would be shot and aired later this year. The show already has been cast.
''Denver has absolutely everything we could hope for -- diversity, activities, energy and nightlife,'' said Lois Curren, executive vice president of MTV Series Entertainment.
Both Colorado Gov. Bill Owens and Denver Mayor John Hickenlooper voiced support for the series.
''This is a tremendous opportunity for Denver to showcase our cultural and recreational vibrancy to a very large, young audience,'' Hickenlooper said.
Hopefully, these young bucks will be able to stay on the right side of Johnathan Law unlike some would-be stars.
Ten yen their team job has something to do with hiking. And that one of the guys is gay but totally likeable anyway! And that one of the girls eats only air and vodka.
This is all just wild speculation.
Posted by Bree at 08:18 AM | Comments (0)
April 09, 2006
Omen? Oh Man!
Not the most auspicious sign for transplanted Gothamites...gulp...
Manhattan Born NBA Star Shot While Driving In Denver
Denver Nuggets guard Julius Hodge – once a star player for St. Raymond's High School in the Bronx – is recovering in a Denver area hospital after being shot while driving his car early Saturday morning.
Police in Colorado say the 22-year-old was driving down an interstate in the Denver area around 2 a.m. Saturday when someone pulled alongside his car and started shooting. He was hit several times in the lower body.
He was taken to the hospital where he's listed in fair condition. The team says he's expected to make a full recovery.
No arrests have been made.
Hodge is a rookie with the Nuggets. He was born and raised in Harlem.
Posted by Bree at 06:06 PM | Comments (0)
April 07, 2006
*IMPORTANT*BREAKING*NEWS*
Snakes on a Plane (DBA: The Best Movie Ever) is looking for soundtrack submissions.
Someone Fed Ex me my dulcimer. I sense a chance to make Hollywood history.
In other news of outstanding import, check out how SOAP has already influenced our vernacular. This is such an awesome time to be alive!
Posted by Bree at 05:13 PM | Comments (1)
Filth and Muck
In the "terribly exciting news" category, it's finally the day of days in Denver, CO. I woke up this morning, got myself a gun, and realized it was raining/snowing/something wet out there on the outside. And what you call stormy weather - I call a "Scotch-Irish Carwash."
Regardless, it's all ball-bearings nowadays anyhow.
Posted by Bree at 07:47 AM | Comments (0)
April 06, 2006
The Truth of the Matter
When people ask what it was that finally drove me out of New York, my answers vary - job, population, expense, the demise of kozmo.com, Jocelyn Wildenstein - you know, the usual complaints. But the truth of the matter is far more sinister than I may have ever let on. In fact, my journey from from New York started the very moment I began working in the fashionable Times Square district. Spending every day plunked at the intersection of Gawking Pear-Shaped Tourist Way and Crap Crowded Lunch Boulevard chewed on my soul like a carb-starved rat on a corn bender.
And that's why, as I sit here - nearly 2,000 miles from the hustle and bustle of the flagship Red Lobster - news like this still balls itself into a painful knot of dread and tension and lodges itself in my throat. Not to be overly dramatic or anything.
GE puts the road back in roadblock
We didn’t know that Friday was World Health Day until we saw this release about GE Healthcare’s plan to do a digital roadblock in Times Square that day to telegraph its “Picture a Healthy World” campaign. Apparently, this is the first time that much of the digital display acreage in Times Square will be taken over by one advertiser—the effort calls for the LED billboards from NASDAQ, ABC, NBC, MTV, Yahoo, Toys 'R' Us and Reuters to broadcast the message simultaneously. There’s a consumer-generated media angle, too, naturally. People can submit photos and essays demonstrating how they lead a healthy life to this site (created by the folks at Frog Design), or go by the island with the military recruiting station in Times Square on Friday (it’s called Military Island … who knew?), to have their photos taken.
The worst part?
It's not even an Edelman campaign.
Oh the horror...the horror...
Posted by Bree at 11:38 PM | Comments (0)
March 31, 2006
That Man's Nuts...Lock 'Em Up!
Police: Man's Testicles Locked In Padlock
Man Could Not Remove Lock For Two Weeks
BRENTWOOD, N.H. -- Emergency workers helped a New Hampshire man out of a difficult situation over the weekend after a friend apparently locked a padlock around his testicles.
According to the Portsmouth Herald, police reported that the 39-year-old man was intoxicated when they arrived at the scene on July 30 at about 3:40 a.m. The man, who was not identified, told them that he had the padlock around his testicles for two weeks.
The man said that a friend put the lock on while he was drunk and passed out. When he woke up, the friend was gone.
"Never in my 13 years have I seen anything like this," Cpl. H.D. Wood told the Herald.
The man told police that he tried to remove the lock with a hacksaw because the key had broken off in the lock.
He was taken to Exeter Hospital, where a locksmith removed the padlock. He was treated and released, and the hospital said he had no lasting injury.
Police said that they did not know the motive for the incident.
UPDATE: And for some well-reasoned and erudite commentary on this piece, may I present Tan Twhigg: "Yes well, you know, from time to time 'The Earl of Shaftsbury needs to check in with John Locke'."
That's definitely the title of my next book.
Posted by Bree at 09:01 AM | Comments (0)
March 04, 2006
Ignorance? Bliss!
LONDON (Reuters) - The living dead beat rhino horn to be named Oddest Book Title of the Year. Bookseller magazine gave the award Friday to a self-help book on being haunted entitled "People Who Don't Know They're Dead: How They Attach Themselves to Unsuspecting Bystanders and What to Do About It."
In a close fight, the runner-up was "Rhino Horn Stockpile Management: Minimum Standards and Best Practices from East and Southern Africa."
Previous winners have been "Bombproof Your Horse" and "Greek Rural Postmen and their Cancellation Numbers."
Posted by Bree at 11:19 AM | Comments (0)
February 19, 2006
(Super) Cold (and Totally Icy) War
Seeing as I spent the day skiing with a bunch of cookie and string cheese munching hooligans, much of the ice dancing finals at the Turin/Torino/Totino Olympic Games were lost to me. Apparently, the ice was slippy. Many people ate it. Surely, it must have been brutal to watch an incalculable amount of work and struggle and hope and all the things Bob Costas keeps talking about be reduced to nothingness by one mistake.
Though perhaps not quite as brutal as Russian skater Tatiana Navka's take on the situation:
"A lot of couples fell. I think it's mental problems," said Navka, tapping her head.
Yep. About sums it up.
Posted by Bree at 09:43 PM | Comments (0)
February 17, 2006
The Great Denture Adventure
After last night, Stanley Kowalski's got nothing on the old "Stellllllaaaaa" wail. Seems the beast was still feeling a bit peckish after a day spent farting and drinking the toilet bowl, and decided to eat a good chunk of my mouthguard. (Yes. I wear a mouthguard. Correction: wore a mouthguard. I also sport Pampers and cry when I'm gassy. You wanna fight about it?)
In acceptance of the inevitability that my mini-teef (aka los chicletos pocitos) will be ground to dust by June, I have been researching dentures all morning. I like what I see, kids! Ah, who'm I fooling, I'll do just about anything to justify a 100 percent malted milkshake diet - appearance be durned. Fixodent and forget it, as I always say.
Pass the pudding. And the Zwieback.
Or the Ensure.
Man, my metaphors are all kinds of twisted on this one.
Do with it what you will.
Bottom line: I have no teeth. And it's all because of Bush.
Posted by Bree at 09:33 AM | Comments (0)
February 15, 2006
Oh What A Night!
This morning, we awoke refreshed and enlivened to discover a limo parked outside of the house. No word yet on who's getting the sweet ride to prom at 8 a.m., but I would bet it's either Grandma Nosy-Moses across the street or Shadow, the charming and friendly pitbull next door. They're both popular with the teens. I can only speculate if there'll be a cane involved.
God, I love a formal cane. Almost - but not quite - as much as formal sneakers.
Posted by Bree at 08:11 AM | Comments (0)
February 11, 2006
Weekly Wrap-Up
10 things I learned this week:
1. A car with extremely rusty brakes is not a car you want to drive 2,000 miles cross-country.
Take it from Miguel.
2. The name Apache is actually a derivative of Apachu, the Pueblo word for enemy. Naturally, this caused a lot of regretful misunderstandings during cold season.
3. When moving over frozen ground, walruses sink their tusks into the ice and then use their neck muscles to haul ass forward.
4. Sam Brown leaves the funniest voicemail messages ever. And yes, I will be traveling to Minnesota come August 11. And yes, the "No martinis after midnight" rule sanctioned last time I was in Minnesota is still in effect.
5. When he was in college, my brother came home from a party, went to the bathroom, dropped his pants around his ankles, threw up pink puke into the crotch, hobbled into his bedroom and passed out face first in the middle of a Christian fellowship meeting his roommate was hosting.
6. If, after you get caught going 81 in a 65 in Schulyer, NY, you write an impassioned and creative letter blaming your haste on your father's incontinence, the ticket will cost you a mere $90 (plus $55 handling).
7. Matt runs hot and cold:
8. A business plan should not be over 20 pages long: 10 pages narrative, 10 pages financial. Um...uh oh. My outline is already 18.
9. Funny things from Spike Jonze can be found here.
10. The longer you wait to get your travel pictures developed, the sweeter the memories.
Posted by Bree at 09:39 AM | Comments (0)
February 10, 2006
Winter Park Weather Update: February 10
Scattered snow showers. Mostly cloudy and cold, with a high near 1. Wind chill values between -17 and -22. Blustery, with a north northwest wind between 14 and 24 mph, with gusts as high as 33 mph.
Hmmm.
Thanks but no.
Must say, I enjoy each and every one of my extremities. They're good extremities, and have done nothing to warrant me leaving them - black and shriveled - on the side of some mountain.
Looks like Matt and I will be hitting up Big Momma's House 2...again.
But I know sommmmmebody who's excited we'll be sticking around town today -
UPDATE: Just heard from the living room - "Ohhh Stella nooooooo! Ahhhh! Noooo!"
When pressed for further details, Matt confessed he was simply using the dog as a pillow when she relieved herself of her gas-based intestinal turmoil on his shoulder. She is truly shameless. Truly.
They deserve each other.
Posted by Bree at 08:14 AM | Comments (0)
February 02, 2006
Horse Lovers are Stable People
In case you missed it:
Lawmakers Prefer Drunks on Horses, Bikes
PIERRE, South Dakota (AP) -- South Dakota lawmakers decided Wednesday that it's better to have drunks on horses and bicycles instead of behind the wheel of an auto or truck.
The state Senate Judiciary Committee approved a bill 6-1 that will exempt horses and bikes from drunken driving laws, meaning intoxicated people who either pedal or saddle up to get home after a night at the bar cannot be arrested for drunken driving.
...A former lawman, Sen. Gene Abdallah, agreed. Better to have drunks on bikes and horses than motor vehicles, he said.
"I can't believe that a horse is going to intentionally run into anything," Abdallah said. "This is a good avenue to get some people home."
That is so awesome. I would honestly - and gladly - pay $800 to watch any one of my drunken associates hoist themselves onto a trusty steed at the end of the night. "Giddyup on homeward!"
I might even know where we might even find one...oh, this is all coming together so delightfully. I am atwitter with anticipation.
Speaking of delighful atwitterness, the title of this post? Taken directly from a sweatshirt I was given for my 13th birthday.
Oh. God.
Save me.
No, seriously.
I'm ready.
Posted by Bree at 01:25 PM | Comments (0)
January 19, 2006
From Russia With (G)love(s)
While researching the particulars of liquor licensing in Colorado, (KJT - could you fax over your law degree? 'preciate it.), I was distracted - as I frequently am - by the latest news from ITAR TASS:
"In Moscow, shivering through its fourth day of a cold snap, temperatures dropped to minus 31 degrees Celsius (minus 24 F) overnight...The cold snap coincided with Thursday's Russian Orthodox holiday of the Epiphany, and many defied warnings from doctors and priests, keeping up an annual ritual by jumping into holes cut into thick ice on rivers and ponds to cleanse themselves with water deemed holy for the day...'Minus 30 is the most intense feeling,' one man in the Ural Mountains city of Yekaterinburg told Channel one after taking a dip, his eyebrows rimed with frost...State-run Channel One television, however, warned that Moscow temperatures (on Friday) could drop to minus 42 C (minus 43 F), a low last recorded in 1940."
Natasha's insistence on long, warm, furry coats (and rainbow-striped toe-socks) is suddenly looking like some extremely sound policy. Pass the lard cubes.
Posted by Bree at 10:16 AM | Comments (0)