September 22, 2008
Quote of the Day
“She’s annoying, and she eats shit out of a can.” - Alexis Stewart on Rachel Ray
Via the excellent article, How Did Martha Stewart End Up With Howard Stern's Baby? in New York Magazine.
Posted by Bree at 04:17 PM | Comments (0)
September 17, 2008
Breaking: Alec Baldwin Looked to Off Himself in my Home County!!
"Driving up the Taconic Parkway, heading to an inn in the Berkshire Mountains, I began to think about what little town I would repair to in order to commit suicide. What semi-remote Massachusetts state park could I hike deep into and overdose there?"
- Quote via my brother and Fox News
Ah, the Berkshires. Source of so much...bonhomie. Though, to be fair, the Taconic Parkway often does inspire thoughts of death even in the non-suicidally-inclined. If he really wanted to end it, eff the OD, he should've just driven up there on bald tires in a snow storm or played an invigorating game of deer-dodge at 90 mph in a Jeep Wrangler...not that I'd know from experience or anything, Mom.
Posted by Bree at 10:02 AM | Comments (0)
August 19, 2008
Keeping Me Up at Night
Why do all the articles and stories and news about Gossip Girl's Blake Lively (above) ALWAYS fail to mention that her brother is Jason Lively (below) AKA the bereted Rusty (Whooostay) from National Lampoon's European Vacation? How can that NOT be the hook?
Special Bonus: Rusty the European Tour
Posted by Bree at 02:44 PM | Comments (0)
August 14, 2008
Sad But True
Denver's legendary "Papa Jack" Well (aka the world's oldest CEO, founder of Rockmount Western Wear and designer of the oft-imitated Western-style, snap-buttoned shirt) died yesterday. He was 107 years old.
Posted by Bree at 03:11 PM | Comments (0)
July 12, 2008
Not Really Much More to Say Than...
Holy Fucking Shit (I reflect when I'm happy).
Oh and yes. So glad the Flashdance hoodie I borrowed from my brother tonight was immortalized. Such is this life.
Posted by Bree at 12:00 AM | Comments (1)
June 12, 2008
Back Away From the Aqua Net, Amy
Via Jezebel
Posted by Bree at 04:34 PM | Comments (0)
June 04, 2008
Breaking: Ed McMahon House Pictures Posted Online
Ed McMahon might lose his home!
As those of you who've read the "About Me" section over there realize, this is OF VITAL IMPORT when it comes to my romantic future. IT SEEMS THE LIVING ROOM IS NOT SUNKEN:
But...if he gets kicked out, will the NEXT house have a sunken living room? Will that be enough? I just don't know where to go with this.
In other news "She's Got the Look" by Roxette is cranking through my office right now.
THIS IS A DAY OF EMOTIONAL UPS AND DOWNS.
Posted by Bree at 01:29 PM | Comments (2)
April 20, 2008
Truly the ONLY Book I Want to Bring to Roatan
And if I happen to scour it cover to cover on the plane ride down, then I'll just read it over and over and over again until the week is through. This is my vow.
sTORI Telling, $16.47 and FOUR AND A HALF STARS at Amazon
Posted by Bree at 08:36 PM | Comments (2)
March 28, 2008
Genius Keith Richards Interview at GQ.com
Like your immune system—legendary.
It’s above average, yes.
That’s a fact of medical science?
Yes. They want it so they can study it and figure out how to make other people much better. [laughs] I mean, I eat everything wrong. I shove terrible things inside me.
Yet you won’t eat cheese.
No! Cheese is very wrong.
Why’s that?
Look at everybody. [makes bloated face]
Do you have any other phobias?
As far as bodily, no. Cheese is a no-no for me. Everybody else, go eat it. Just take a look at yourself. Fermented milk is not the ideal choice for everyday eating, that’s all. [laughs]
Read the whole piece here.
Link via Golden Fiddle.
Posted by Bree at 10:48 AM | Comments (0)
March 21, 2008
Bree = Famous (Again!)
Heee! The celebrity bloggers today are having a field day with the fact that the man behind Charlotte York's NSFW hummer screen grabs is Chef Eric Stapleman of Santa Fe's very own "no-scent" restaurant Trattoria Nostrani. My mom and I totally ate there last spring! No shit! We even forewent our mutual penchant for smelly parfum for the experience.
And, for all the good flavors and lack of smell, I still had to send my ravs back to the kitchen as they apparently had been fire-hosed (wrong choice of word, perhaps) with salt water. Seriously inedible. And I'm not even...er...mouthy about stuff like that.
Posted by Bree at 11:47 AM | Comments (0)
March 13, 2008
If Celebs Moved to Oklahoma...
Jennifer Aniston
Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen
More deliciousness here.
(Via Denver Egotist.)
Posted by Bree at 08:19 PM | Comments (0)
March 07, 2008
Will Arnett Takes Things Up a Notch
"I can't believe my dick just barfed that much."
Posted by Bree at 03:27 PM | Comments (1)
January 29, 2008
I Sent This Tip In Anonymously to Gawker...
but yeah, the Modern Loves column is totally talking about Rob Lowe.
And the Williamstown Theater Festival.
Holla!
PS: Best Gawker comment - "It was Rob Lowe in Williamstown, Massachusetts, where starfuckery rules!" Well, maybe for some. The closest I ever got was drooling over Tim Robbins as I handed him a medium coffee ice cream in a cup with chocolate sprinkles. Or drooling over that dude from Dexter and Six Feet Under at Heather's rehearsal night party at Mezze. Or tailing Scott Wolf on Spring Street. Or laughing when Kerri Ann heckled David Schwimmer at Side Bar. Or waving at Christopher Reeve every morning when he drove past my bus stop. Or giving Sigourney Weaver water for her dog (gratis). But my brother famously turned down Gwyneth Paltrow's invitation to share a sleeping bag at Camp Sasparilla, so I guess he wins loses the starfuckery challenge.
Posted by Bree at 12:57 PM | Comments (1)
January 24, 2008
Not to Split Hairs Here...
My candle burns at both ends
It will not last the night
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends -
It gives a lovely light.
She shoots, she scores! Game point to MILLAY!
Then again, this is the same guy who was...uh...imprisoned for $1.5 million worth of tax evasion and who knows how those "Po'try in the Pokey" programs so lauded in the mid-90's are faring.
And now, for a semi-related Raising Arizona clip:
Posted by Bree at 12:22 PM | Comments (1)
January 09, 2008
Headline of the Day c/o My #1 Broseph
Mr. Pennski, We Blow You for Rubles, Nyet?
Though Sean Penn and soon-to-be ex-wife Robin Wright remain tight-lipped about the events leading to their breakup, Star Magazine reveals the sordid details of their last weekend together.
It all started innocently enough, according to the magazine, with an intended romantic getaway in Lake Tahoe, Calif. The couple checked in to the Squaw Valley resort just days before Christmas, but sources said Sean didn’t request couple-friendly accommodations.
“Sean didn’t spend much time with his wife — he booked her a separate suite — and when Robin got fed up with being alone, she went over to his suite,” an insider revealed. There, she “found him drunk with two Russian girls!”
Posted by Bree at 09:19 AM | Comments (0)
August 30, 2007
Wondering...
Ahem...did y'all know about THIS?! Also, check out the last paragraph in this one...Who knew the bandana-ed troubadour could cause such homicidal rage? I blame one man and one man only: Rikki Rocket.
Posted by Bree at 08:35 AM | Comments (0)
August 29, 2007
Breaking: Money Can Buy You Neither Love Nor Normal Thumbs
My ViVa crush just withered and died like so many useless appendages.
Posted by Bree at 10:57 AM | Comments (0)
August 27, 2007
I've Never Even Heard of This Show
but something tells me I might like it...
Posted by Bree at 08:42 PM | Comments (0)
July 30, 2007
Time to Hang Up the Leather Shorts, My Girl
Oh Britney.
Posted by Bree at 10:24 AM | Comments (0)
July 05, 2007
Level With Me. Shamon.
Do I look like Michael Jackson?
Do I?
Posted by Bree at 12:32 PM | Comments (0)
June 18, 2007
Forget Looking Like...Dude IS a Lady
Steven(ie) Tyler (pic curtsy Gawker Media's new site Jezebel)
Oh and while we're skirting the subject, this is pretty classic too. "Ellipses-laden glory"...awesome...
Posted by Bree at 01:34 PM | Comments (0)
April 27, 2007
Y'all Be Honest Now...
Is it just me or is Britney Spears getting all kinds of J.T. Leroy these days?
Exhibit A (Defendant Spears):
Exhibit B (Plaintiff Leroy):
Case closed. Mystery solved.
Posted by Bree at 10:39 PM | Comments (0)
April 26, 2007
Breathtaking New Addition to the Holy Crap File
Now those are some hot trousers.
Posted by Bree at 09:31 PM | Comments (0)
March 07, 2007
All Work, Very Little Play
Jenny and I wrote a one-act play today (working title: I Smell Peace Prize) about how Britney's intervention might go down. Granted, we still have a long way to go, but here's the rough version, which is a kind of "choose your own adventure" for Brit's on-stage introduction:
BS: I smell biscuits, y'all... (taser)
OR
BS: Is that the griddle I hear a-sizzlin'?...(brand)
Posted by Bree at 07:42 PM | Comments (0)
August 18, 2006
Friday Morning Shout-Out
Ahhh, there we go...
Posted by Bree at 09:39 AM | Comments (0)
August 08, 2006
Funnel Cake Vendor Buys Cologne; Plans How, When to Divest Beach Boys Catalog
EX-WILSON PHILLIPS star Carnie Wilson says that she gets sexually aroused by eating doughnuts.Carnie, 38, daughter of Beach Boy Brian Wilson, said: “I have hallucinations with doughnuts all the time. I’m obsessed. I get horny when I eat doughnuts.”
Carnie, who gave birth to daughter Lola last year, says that other foods also make her feel sexy.
She added: “It’s slightly sexual. You know how you want to feed your lover chocolate? I think it must be the chemical that’s released in the brain.”
Posted by Bree at 07:32 AM | Comments (0)
June 21, 2006
That's It; It's Over
Britney Spears has not only jumped the shark, Britney Spears has gestated the shark.
Posted by Bree at 10:07 PM | Comments (0)
June 02, 2006
And the Brits Sweep the Headline of the Day Awards...
with this flawless entry from Star Magazine:
Angelina Jolie Has Shiloh, Holds Depressed Brad Pitt Hostage
Well done, chaps!
Posted by Bree at 12:22 PM | Comments (0)
May 26, 2006
In Honor of Memorial Day...
I'm going to spend the weekend remembering when Britney Spears wasn't full on bunk-in-the-trunk.
PopaZao!
Posted by Bree at 01:38 PM | Comments (0)
May 15, 2006
Slave to Latte, Slave to Love
After spending the weekend switch-hitting between dancing, working, missing the woman who taught me everything I need know of surly portraiture and sobbing my brains out at the Cherry Creek mall, I needed a little pick-me-up last night. And apparently the alliterative flair that three glasses of cheap Chilean and chocolate chip cookies offered Marie and me during a several hour stint at The Thin Man just wasn't enough.
Enter Bryan Ferry's Slave to Love video on You Tube. 
Oh dreamweaver.
Such sighs.
Though it's hard to imagine him driving a "doolie" and tackling a "cougar" like all these Denver boys seem to do in their off time, I've got faith my favorite fop (exceptin' Mick and Dave, natch) is packing up his suits, strapping on his shitkickers and moving out here to find me as I write this. Come on. I quoted him in my high school yearbook. I pour a mean Malbec. I fance it up real nice.
We're obviously destined.
Posted by Bree at 08:26 AM | Comments (0)
April 26, 2006
Breaking News: Amber Alert
An Amber Alert has been issued for Phillip Seymour Hoffman's self-worth and pride of craft. It was last seen several months ago in the vicinity of Catherine Keener. At this point, authorities have one very promising suspect...
Posted by Bree at 11:54 AM | Comments (0)
April 24, 2006
Suri With the Cringe On Top
This video makes me want to stab myself. Forget the placental entree, the pacifier-sucking birthing machine, or the Oprah sofa debacle...if that guy thinks his "handberry" schtick is winning him any fans, he needs his L. Ron Headdard examined.
As a bonus track, listen to Phillip Seymour Hoffman's girlish, painfully awkward titter. He's about 1/2 octave away from mental collapse. If he can stay sober through this press junket, that boy's got some real moxie.
Me? I'd be face-down in a tubful of schnapps.
Screaming.
Silently.
Posted by Bree at 02:46 PM | Comments (0)
April 18, 2006
Jack White, Coke - Don't Let the Entendre Blow Past
I'm not just a big fan of corporate shilling, I'm a big fan of Jack White. And hell, I was weaned on Coke. But even with all those positive forces working together in a bubbly cocktail of yellow #5 and spermicide, I am still disappointed.
First he carries on an affair with my total nemisis the living sinew, and then he goes and marries a model and then he whips off this craptastic ditty. It's not even a cool commercial...what the?
What's going on here?
Advertising, go to your room.
Must say, it's getting harder and harder to keep my Jack White candle burning. My Betty White candle, on the other hand?
Well.
That's more like an eternal flame.
Posted by Bree at 01:30 PM | Comments (0)
March 16, 2006
Straight Up Now Tell Me: Which Makes More Sense?
"The moth who finds the melon...finds the cornflake always finds the melon and one of you didn't pick the right fortune cookie."
-Paula Abdul to American Idol contestants
2006
"I do."
-Paula Abdul to Emilio Estevez
1992
Posted by Bree at 07:20 PM | Comments (0)
February 15, 2006
Oy Oy Oy
Because a day dedicated to humps is so played out, I'm going with Wednesday = Tunednesday.
(Man, I don't know why I ever got out of copywriting. Nature's first green is gold...and so am I. Tunednesday!
Priceless...priceless.)
Anyway, yeah. Here you go, Mikey Skinner's fit and he knows it. Especially when he wears his bumbag.
Tunednesday!
I'm going back to bed.
Posted by Bree at 01:15 PM | Comments (0)
February 06, 2006
Coincidence or Providence - One of the Two
I think I'll let the evidence speak for itself:
LOS ANGELES -- Us Weekly is the first to report that actress Heather Locklear, 44, has filed for divorce from rocker Richie Sambora, 46. In a statement to Us, Locklear's publicist said, ''After 11 years of marriage Heather Locklear has filed for divorce from Richie Sambora. This is a private matter and there will be no further comment at this time.'' In her filing, Locklear cites ''irreconcilable differences'' and requests physical custody of their child.
Wiggles, indeed.
BREAKING UPDATE: Kenny "The Wiggler" Locklear just scored us some primo tickets to see Bon Jovi's sold-out show at Mile High Stadium in a few weeks. Oh man, oh man, oh man! Though nothing will ever compare to the time he got Heather and me ninth row seats AND access to the BJ VIP room at Giants Stadium - wherein we watched a guy get totally busted after falling through the ceiling panels in an attempt to access the Jove's dressing room a la Bender in The Breakfast Club - this may come in close second. Kenny, my heart goes pitter-pat. Your love is like GOOD medicine. Really.
Posted by Bree at 11:27 AM | Comments (0)
January 31, 2006
Video Tuesday
If you've got a minute, a private office, and a penchant for disturbing - yet enjoyable - celebrity foibles, I invite you to kick back and get Hooked on Hasselhoff's Feeling or Hung Up with Little Edie Beale, her skirt/cape and the American flag.
God, I miss the Hamptons. Each and every day.
Posted by Bree at 08:25 AM | Comments (0)
January 26, 2006
Hersday
Now that's what I'm talking about.
Posted by Bree at 01:02 AM | Comments (1)
January 18, 2006
Brokeback Theorum aka Ledger's Law for Bree
Convictions make you pregnant.
So do convicts (if you let them).
Australians are convicts.
Therefore, Australians make you pregnant.
Michelle Williams = Living Proof
(PS Contrary to early speculation, Melissa Joan Hart gave birth to a baby boy, not an orca.)
Posted by Jenny at 10:34 AM | Comments (1)
Welcome to Denver; Time to Move Back
When I got here, Marie greeted me with a "welcome decal" noting one should "Save a Horse [and] Ride a Cowboy." Just wondering if I should stick it on my car before or after joining the Chamber of Commerce.
Thoughts?
And though it's hard to top the "I Love to Fool Around" bumper sticker Elliott surreptitiously attached to my F-150, I am thrilled to add a stamp of libidinous appeal to my new wheels. Because nothing builds business like advertising your sexual availability - and moral indolence - on the back of your car.
Anyway, this may all be moot as, after seeing Brokeback Mountain last night, I am now OFFICIALLY MOVING BACK TO BROOKLYN to be closer to Heath. I swear we exchanged some serious smolder while he patiently - and handsomely - waited for the lav to free up at Robin des Bois during Frox's birthday. SWEAR! (Though some may think I mistook his bladderful of agony for interest, I saw the love. The love was there. And our love dare speak its name - put that in your pipe, Gyllenhaal.)
Perhaps if I had stayed in NY just a little longer, we would've spent our days sharing vegemite sandwiches, planning walkabouts and listening to INXS. Oh, dear. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: his career is totally doomed. Apologies in advance.
Posted by Bree at 10:23 AM | Comments (0)
January 15, 2006
Hell to the No
Wow.
Posted by Bree at 11:53 AM | Comments (0)
December 29, 2005
Another One Bites It
To my everlasting chagrin, it seems that all famous laddies I set my sights on suffer a sad fate. Death, public humiliation, career annihilation, hotel worker phone abuse, beer boobs , total lunacy -- pretty much standard course.
The evidence of this phenomenon is striking. Case in point? Michael Hutchence.
Doesn't get much worse than hanging yourself mid-masturbation after a yelling match with Bob Geldof. I blame myself...and my INXS scrapbook. New sensation, indeed.
Some of my cohorts even have gone so far as to ask me not to indulge my celebrity crushes on those they like, and want to protect. And, ladies, I apologize. I liked another. I did. I wanted to get beers and play pool and smooch. Even after Elliott said he was tiny, I still had it for him.
And we all must pay the price.
Luke. No hard feelings, right? Call me. I'll make you a Lean Cuisine.
Andy Samberg ...watch your back, son.
Posted by Bree at 10:47 AM | Comments (0)