August 15, 2008

Let's Get Physical

Like a good girl, I went to the doctor this morning for my annual (who are we kidding)...um...semi-annual physical. This meant I imbibed no substances of the food and beverage sort during last night's poker game and got up this morning and drove all around town to deal with the various animals without coffee of any sort. (Note: the doctor told me I could've had BLACK coffee without affecting the cholesterol test, which is how I drink it - so good to know for the next time but terrible news to hear while I was sitting there all bleary-eyed and headachey).

Her take on my latest round of physical ailments (e.g., almost passing out at the gym, virtually blacking out upon standing, etc.) is that I have low blood pressure. Apparently very low. This, plus my height, means that my heart has to work to get the blood up to my brain, which is apparently 9 miles away from my chest. She told me that the salt in Gatorade would help at the gym and that I should drink more water than your average bear, but all in all - it's good news because people with low blood pressure kick all sorts of ass. I told her what I knew about it, which is that giraffes have extremely high blood pressure to get the shit flowing up those extendo-necks and we had a good laugh during my breast manipulations.

In other news, the nurse thought I was a model. This was after she weighed me and asked my age. I don't think the nurse knows that much about the modeling industry.

Posted by Bree at 11:44 AM | Comments (0)

August 07, 2008

Keep on Moving, Folks...Nothing to See Here

Marie's picking me up momentarily to go to Water World. I promised her at the beginning of the summer that I would take a day off to experience the joy, nay tragedy, of repeatedly having my bathing suit ripped up my asscrack in front of hundreds of children...and now that day has come. I am lubed in sunscreen and ready to lollygag.

In other nonessential news, last night, we went out to eat at Bistro Vendome, a schwanky (relatively) restaurant downtown. I thought the food was decent (the charcuterie was among the weakest I've ever had and considering I order it at every restaurant that serves it - that says something), the atmosphere very, very good and the service pretty godawful. The waitress warned me about my hot plate and then put it down, literally, teetering only half-way onto the table so I had to use my own delicate fingers to push it back. (Luckily for me, this means I now have no fingerprints so can commit felonies willy-nilly.) Then she disappeared for hours at a time. 'tevs, just gives me more excuse to go back to their sister restaurant, Rioja, where I've had nothing but great food and great service. I drowned my sorrows in wine by the glass, ate some killer shrimp risotto, and then forsook dessert to return home and chow some homemade popsicles that Chia (soon to be owner of an all homemade ice cream shop downtown, for REALZ) brought over to my party on Friday. They are very, very good. And I've been eating them all week, so you can consider me an expert on the subject.

So that's what I've been up to. I also almost passed the fuck out at the gym yesterday. For no real reason.

Man...I should really start a blog so I can share this kind of stuff with the world.

Posted by Bree at 10:15 AM | Comments (0)

July 26, 2008

Don't Be Fooled

I kind of...um...how to put this...pulled my butt at the gym this morning. The worst part is that it happened WALKING UP THE STAIRS to the weight room. Where I proceeded to do squats and lunges and treat it (the butt) with a sort of (vain)glorious disregard that I am now paying for. Short story shorter: don't be fooled. That Jason Cooling Mineral Gel still makes you smell like Mr. Benjamin Gay. And by you, I mean me. And by me, I mean my butt.

This may put a serious crimp in my usual Saturday night routine of breakin' offa piece of that yum-yum down Colfax way.

Posted by Bree at 03:04 PM | Comments (0)

July 18, 2008

Denver Times

I'm getting excited for this weekend. Which is unfortunate, seeing as I still have several hours of work and showering ahead of me before it truly starts. But here's the rundown:

TONIGHT: Party for a new magazine here in town that I've done some PR work for. I'll give you a cryptoquip for the name so it doesn't show up on Google searches but it's like when Styx sings "I am the MODREN man" except use the, um, correct word and then the second part is "IN" and then the third is the city that is one-mile high. Phew. Glad we got through that. Anyhows, there's a launch party for it tonight over on the rooftop of the swankadoo condos abutting the Liebeskind-designed Denver Art Museum and I've cajoled my dear sweet Angela into being my plus one (her work is also featured in the premier issue) so looky here! That's good stuff. I may even wear a bra. Or Angela's bra. Undecided.

TOMORROW: Matt's family is having the latest of their once-every-ten-years "Zero's Party." This is to celebrate all the family members born in a year ending in 8, which apparently numbers in the dozens. I'm bringing cupcakes and a penchant for public drunkenness, and have also extended the invitation to my dear sweet Marie so that she too may glory in the glory that is an outdoor party in 100-degree heat with Irish people who don't like seeing your glass half-empty. I predict sunstroke and alcohol poisoning in equal parts.

DAY AFTER TOMORROW: My dear sweet Matt has promised me the best of all gifts of this day: 24 (give or take 18) hours of work on my house! This pleases me to no end, as it will give me a chance to attack some of the Jurassic Park-style weeds in my backyard (seriously, what I would GIVE for a brontosaurus to help out with lawn maintenance) as he runs outdoor conduit for my *best*purchase*ever* swamp cooler. There's even a planned trip to CENTENNIAL, COLORADO to procure some bushes for my landscaping treatment in the front yard. I'm all, "Have Bush, Will Travel." But anyway. We'll cap off the day during a kick-backed showing of Dark Knight and maybe...just maybe...try to best our current record score of 75,000 on Text Twist.

My privates are already burning in excitement. At least...I think that's what it is.

Posted by Bree at 10:45 AM | Comments (0)

July 15, 2008

Oh the Irony

I wrote a long post today about how I never write any long posts anymore and now it's done and left me. Points I remember:

I don't write long posts anymore.
This is because of a number of reasons.
These reasons include returning to a profession wherein I write for a living, falling in love and wanting to not drag my number one homeslice into the personal muckraking of my life, increased pressure due to increased readership.

Other highlights of the piece as remembered: an investigation into my longstanding stance regarding not overtly blogging negative stuff about former beaux, a conclusion that men, in general, are "private privateers" who are much less likely to spill the beans than the ladies, a rumination on what it would be like to be this sort of private privateer and be on the ass-end of a laissez faire lassie with a bone to pick and incredibly skillful typing capabilities, and a conclusion neatly summing up the twaining of private matters and personal blogging and the value of the latter when not determined by the former.

Then I showed my readers a cooter belonging to one Ms. Suzanne Somers:

http://view.break.com/536871 - Watch more free videos

Posted by Bree at 06:01 PM | Comments (3)

June 12, 2008

Abuse

I know it gets confusing around here, but the upstairs is from my brother. I am, of course, considering legal action.

Posted by Bree at 10:30 AM | Comments (0)

May 31, 2008

Datey McDates (and TWO Five Word Movie Reviews)

Matt and I went on a special sojourn last night that did not involve either the dogs or Home Depot. That's right. A DATE. I even wore earrings.

We had dinner at Encore (the new restaurant attached to the new Tattered Cover) and many drinks later (word, they had ZOLO - made RIGHT HERE!), went to see The Visitor at the Neighborhood Flix joint attached. The Visitor was somewhat somnolent. Indeed, I had come up with my five word review PRIOR to seeing the movie, which I stand by ("Strange combination: cloying and genuine") but Matt's came mid-way when he said loudly, "Molasses uphill in the winter."

But the best part? Neighborhood Flix has loooove seats with ottomans where you can snuggle up to your sweetness (or, you know, "get to third") with no one any the wiser. Or that's what I told myself the second time I fell asleep sprawled all over Matt like a cheap date suit. Suffice it, I left the theater with my head ducked hoping no one had heard our commentary or our snoring. BUT I highly recommend the place. And hope that other theaters start following their lead in terms of having a full bar, decent independent movies and a place to catch a snooze. It's like a mozzarella, basil and tomato combo...it just works. Someone alert Images. Please.

Posted by Bree at 09:41 AM | Comments (0)

April 22, 2008

Important Bulletin

I have such a hard-on for bulletin boards and magnets and chalkboards and anything else that lets me clutter up my visual space with a bunch of random effluvia it's ABSURD. Note hastily photographed and very reflective examples below:

Thus, I was both delighted and intrigued by the embroidery hoop bulletin boards from Etsy seller LittlePrettyStudio featured on Decor8 this morning.

Prices range from $12.50 to $32, which seems perfectly reasonable when you think of all the joy and love I've brought into your life.

In other news: I'm judging senior theater something plays? something tonight and tomorrow at East High School, alma mater of three people I hold dear: Neal Cassady, Marie Grrrrruuueautiful, and Matt Suuuulliivanostein. I trust the depth of my background in the performing arts will stead me well throughout this challenge and I look forward to gettin' all Lorenzo Lamas about it.

Posted by Bree at 11:14 AM | Comments (0)

March 10, 2008

I May Be 32...

but I still enjoy a good dip in the pool (table).

Picture c/o my photoshop class last year - aren't I a MASTER at the cut and paste? NB: I was wearing that exact same outfit all weekend long at the cabin (minus a short break of ski pants, wicking shirts and sports bra) to effectively hide the gluttony. I'm nothing if not consistent.

Posted by Bree at 12:36 PM | Comments (0)

February 05, 2008

Woke Up This Morning...Got Myself a Gun

Or, rather, I would've gotten myself a gun had I not had to head immediately to the far reaches of town to deal with the $180-fact that my windshield wipers had recalibrated themselves to turn "off" in the middle of the windshield. That's right - the middle...not nestled sweetly at the base like every other fucking windshield that ever existed. Trust me - I looked and, yup! I was the only one on the road with that sweet problem.

So yeah - speaking of recalibrate, I'm beginning to recalibrate my decision to buy European. I think I'm turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so as far as my next car purchase is concerned. In my life I've had a Saab (Swedish), an F-150 (American), a Lexus (Japanese) a Mercedes (German) and an Audi (German) and lo and behold, all this classy line-up of second-hand, gas-guzzling, piece of shitsicles has taught me is: A. it's possible to commute down CT's I-95 every summer weekend without air-conditioning on leather seats - possible, but not recommended for either your constitution or your romantic relationship and B. the Japanese know a thing or two about mechanical engineering. That ODL (Ole Dirty Lexus) up there was probably the most reliable and least break-downy of the bunch (AC excluded) and it was from 1990. My dad used to pick me up at boarding school in that beast! ODL! In fact, the fam just got rid of it last year. (What? We have a hard time letting go.) Teaches me to turn my back on the land of the rising sun. From now on it's Sapporo and unagi and Lexi/Toyoti. Them's my solemn vow.

Oh and PthefuckS: It totally drives me nuts how transparently gleeful people are when they hear about a nice car having to go into the shop. Thankfully, I'm lucky enough that I don't have to deal with too many complete a-holes during my day to day, so it's limited...but still. Me and my sensitive soul (read: paranoia) can just feel the excitement brewing. Put a lid on it. I don't get all giddy when somebody busts a heel off a Louboutin, so please, populace, I beg you to not get all giddy when my windshield wipers decide to sport a massive and unwieldy erection.

Posted by Bree at 01:22 PM | Comments (2)

December 20, 2007

C-U-LATES

Happy Holidays, my darlings!

Matt and I are off tomorrow at SIX IN THE MORNING for a week spent in both the foggy valleys of Western Massachusetts and the concrete fields of New York City. I expect to be showered in eggnog, rolled in confectioner's sugar and roasted on an open flame before 2007 is through, but plan on getting back on track (Word up, Weight Watchers!) in the new year. Well, as back on track as my utterly hedonistic lifestyle allows. And by that, I mean only one day of skiing, two nights of binge drinking, and 4,000 servings of bread per week.

In the meantime, I wish you et yours the loveliest of all possible seasons. I hope they are filled with all sorts of good things, like hugs and laughs and yule logs and presents that make you all, "Awww...they do know me!"

SMOOX!!!

Posted by Bree at 04:06 PM | Comments (0)

December 18, 2007

Tis the Season

Ever have one of those days when you've just got, like, 50 appointments and obligations and social events to go to but you stayed up so late reading Ford Madox Ford's unbelievable book The Good Soldier that you are on the crispy side of burnt out before you even start?

That's kind of how today's been for me. Between hitting snooze too many times to forgetting my gym clothes rushing out the door to a work lunch to getting a half an hour-long oil change that turned into an hour-long oil change to walking a bit longer than expected with Deuce because there was the smell of fireplaces in the air and bulbs in the bare trees, I am a cross between knackered and overextended. Thankfully, I've only got to go get a few glasses of wine with a friend, swing by Whole Foods to pick up dessert for tomorrow night's dinner with the boy's momma, exchange gifts with Angela and meet up with Matt before my day is through. And by "Thankfully, I've only got" I mean "how in the fuck am I going."

Never did make it to the gym, either.
Ah, the holidays.

Posted by Bree at 04:33 PM | Comments (0)

November 26, 2007

Sicky Sick Girl

Ah, kiddados. Your lovely blogrincess has, apparentaments, come down with PNEUMONIA. Yes, after an absolutely BRUTAL day yesterday (highlights include puking THREE times while lying in my bed and simultaneously sweating like a hoooore in church whilst being totally freezing and goosebumpled), I got my Ma to drag me to the emergency room. One big ole bag of fluid, 30 mgs of painkillers and two doses of antibiotics later, the results were clear: not meningitis (thanks be!) but rather pneumy-onia. Add to that a fever of 102.2 and a headache worse than any migraine I've ever had, and you get an idea of what my night was like.

So. What next? I rescheduled my plane ticket back home until tomorrow, but am still rather concerned that the travel may, in fact, kill me. I'm supposedly burning 4,000 calories a day (say WHAAA?!!) trying to fight this, so have been rightfully and happily eating anything I can get my hands on. Unfortch, my appetite is nil - so this is like, I don't know, the Monkey's Paw of illness benefits? As in, the gift that no one wants? Sweet...but 4,000 calories, bro? Pass the maple syrup. Mama's going out with a bang.

Posted by Bree at 02:53 PM | Comments (0)

September 23, 2007

Monday - Thursday

My main Maman and I are off to Santa Fe and Taos tomorrow for several days of margaritas and conspicuous consumption. See you on the flipside.

Special notes:

ANP and MPN and M?P- Good luck(s) with the move(s)!
SIB - Message upon my return. Suffice it, I miss you too. Of kerse!
KJT - Get back to work.
JEF - Same goes.
BROUSSARD - You're dead meat if you don't save me some After 8's.
DEUCE - Get out of my After 8's.
DAD - Stop churning my account.
RJM - Stop making bombs!
SOG - What's the difference between a woman from Maine and a humpback whale? 40 pounds and a flannel shirt. Now get the fuck home. You're missed.

There, I think I've shouted out to all 10 of my readers. 11 if you count Deuce. But she's dyslexic so I understand if you wouldn't.

Posted by Bree at 09:56 PM | Comments (0)

August 15, 2007

A-Haps: August 2007

Eating: BALLS
Reading: Merry-making in Old Russia by Evgeny Popov (a gift from Natasha)
Listening: Hot Hot Heat; Antony and the Johnsons; Devendra Banhart (NB: look for Gael Garcia Bernal in his video!)
Watching: The Hills!
Buying: Curtains, sigh. A new nightguard for my wee chompers, ugh.
Wanting: Everything, naturally, but am trying to curtail the expenditures.
Excited About: Google Reader, the alliteration of Matt and Margo in Massachusetts, my trip to Lake McConaughy this weekend, seeing the A-list fam and frenz during my trip to the east coast in September (6 nights in Williamstown, 3 nights in NYC), my Mom's trip to DENVER shortly thereafter!!!
Trying: To get a job...erk...kinda...yep.

Posted by Bree at 06:34 PM | Comments (0)

July 20, 2007

A-Haps: July 2007

Eating: Peanut toffee zone bars, pickled garlic, sugar-free Red Bull (not together)
Reading: Fraud by David Rakoff (on loan from RJM), this piece on my deadened buds, reviews on Yelp
Listening: Spoon, Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga
Buying: Writing desk from West Elm, bathroom fixtures and lights, curtains, new collar for The Deuce's porky neck, Urban Decay Eyeshadow Transforming Potion
Wanting: Husband (for the health insurance), gardening staff, cure for adult acne
Killing: my abs, one 6:30 a.m. Pilates class at a time
Excited About: Hitting up the lake in Nebraska next weekend, chowing down at Potager this week, having my LAST dog training session, admiring my absurdly wonderful walls, seeing hometown heroes/advertising and art gurus (and my first bosses!) Zane and Leith in town this week!!
Trying: To drink and eat less; to minimize procrastination; to cut myself off from the constant self-imposed pressure of accomplishing! stuff! at a reasonable, as yet to be determined time every evening; to make the Deuce feel extra super-dupes secure in this house and in our relationship. To write more interesting blog entries MY GOD.

Posted by Bree at 03:33 PM | Comments (0)

June 18, 2007

A-Haps: June 2007

Here's the latest column to hit SweetNB - ganked straight out of just about every other blog on the WW Intercomputer. Welcome, A-Haps. And sure, you can call me Ishmael. Just don't call me late for dinner. Or brunch.

Eating: Zingers
Reading: Florence Broadhurst, Her Secret & Extraordinary Lives (on loan from INV/ALT)
Listening: Camera Obscura, Tears for Affairs
Buying: Snapping Deck Tiles, plane ticket to England, chairs for my yet-to-arrive Eero Saarinen tulip table/housewarming present from the folkers
Wanting: New White Stripes CD, new Spoon CD, frames for all my artwork
Killing: Miller moths (vom.)
Excited About: Major scores from Nordstrom Rack (incl: lavender slip-on Vans, burgundy etnies and Juicy Couture jeans), getting an official work e-mail address (!), going to Seattle on Thursday, reconnecting with a charming chap I have not seen in too long, realizing my hair may have finally grown out the butchery of November, taking one of the quilts off the bed, possibly renting a ski cabin with friends in the mountains for the *entire* winter (!!!)
Trying: To be more consistent about training the Deuce, to listen to voice mails and stop listening to the same songs over and over, to run more, to use time more efficiently in all regards, to eat less TUMS

Posted by Bree at 11:03 PM | Comments (0)