Ain't no companion like a blue-eyed merle: August 2008 Archives

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August 28, 2008

Superstarred

Great news out of the NYC publishing world this morning: one of Jenny's books got a *starred* review in Kirkus! These are notoriously hard to achieve so this essentially puts her in the Michael Phelps category of editors. (And not just because of the body-shaving.)

Kirkus wrote (bold mine 'cause that's all the HTML you're gettin' this morning):

"Nicknamed Bird at birth, Mehkai idolizes his older brother Marcus. As they mature, both brothers excel in art. However, Marcus’s drug experimentation spirals into an all-consuming addiction. While Bird’s drawings are intricate and controlled, Marcus’s colorful graffiti sprawls, depicting a bird in flight. Bird’s conflicting emotions about Marcus authentically reflect his African-American family’s turmoil when his brother dies. His late Granddad’s friend responds to Bird’s despair with quiet strength: “You can fix a broken wing with a splint / and a bird can fly again / But you can’t fix a broken soul.”

Elliott’s sensitivity for her subjects resonates with Strickland’s distinctive mixed-media art. Shifting perspectives and colors reflect Marcus’s deepening addiction; his signature cap alters accordingly. Off-kilter lines exude the random energy and volatility of an addict. In two powerful double-page spreads, a doorway separates the brothers; Bird, flooded in light, reaches for Marcus, but his brother remains in the darkness. With unusual depth and raw conviction, Elliott’s child-centered narrative excels in this debut."

Support good children's literature and keep my frantzcy lady in Anthropologie and boba tea by pre-ordering it on Amazon here.

Posted by Bree at 10:03 AM | Comments (0)

August 25, 2008

Tweet Tweet

I finally joined the online revolution and set up a twitter account. I have exactly one (1) friend who twitters on a regular basis. This should be exciting for him. @sogrady, I'm talking to YOU.

For the rest of my ~~reader~~ readers, I've added the feed to the right side of the blog so you can keep up with such fascinating real-time tidbits as, "My living room smells like a dead animal. VOM." which it does, and which is killing me. In other news, I'm watching Intervention and having a Coke Zero. I'll keep you posted!

Posted by Bree at 10:21 PM | Comments (3)

Toastmaster

I am not one of those people who ever has luck in a thrift store. You know the one, the one that has 50 cute things in their apartment and cute jewelry and cute shoes and is all, "Oh these Eames chairs? I got them for like, I don't know, five bucks each at the Salvation Army. HA! It was actually the same day I found this Hermes scarf on the dollar rack!" I may be friends with that person but yeah, that's not me. I'm more the type who spends $30 on a useless clock. So imagine my surprise (which, honestly, is the most oft-repeated expression on this blog to the point that I'm going to add a ™ to each use of it from HERE ON OUT) when I nabbed this chrome Cuisinart toaster for a mere NINE BONES at the Goodwill on Sunday.

And, according to www.internet.com, it's worth a blistering $49.95 on the Cuisinart site (and a totally charred $64.99 on the softer side of suck site).

Sooooo...here's the rub. Although I bought it for the Shangri-la I'm dreaming of in Wyoming (Wyomgri-la), I kind of decided to keep it here after (a) experiencing the deliciousness of a test-Eggo last night and (b) seeing how much better it fit into my decor than my current one - which is as gigantic as it is dirty as it is white. But MATT REJECTED THE IDEA. Why?? What??? In his words, "White appliances suck." So now, shiny chrome wondertoasts must be shipped seven hours away to spend its life perfectly browning bread in a beauteous wonderland while I remain unhappily jamming spelt loaves into its oversized plastic brotherfucker. And, judging from the look of things, rubbing my hands in motor oil before I do it. This, my friends, is a bitter bargain. A bitter bargain, indeed.

Posted by Bree at 08:13 PM | Comments (0)

Five-Word Movie Review Monday GOES HIGH-TECH

Alien

(PS I made this at BigHugeLabs.com)

Posted by Bree at 03:46 PM | Comments (0)

August 24, 2008

Tunes Update

I've spent the whole weekend alternating between Crazy Train (above) and Shove It on the ole 'pod. It's been quite a few days.

Posted by Bree at 06:25 PM | Comments (2)

Ah, Ain't It So Though?

From Regardez Moi, a superbezvouz blog I just found.

Posted by Bree at 02:30 PM | Comments (2)

August 23, 2008

Whee!

Matt and I are going to Santa Fe in early October to celebrate our *one*year*anniversary*! (We, too, are shocked.) Though I was just thinking how I really didn't have any excuse to go back to Santa Fe anytime soon, the idea was planted when a co-worker told me about a weekend trip there and bloomed when my friend said that October is the best time to visit. There was talk of warm days, cold nights, fireplaces, the smell of burning piñon and the crisp light of fall.

Then I remembered there's a Trader Joe's and I was done for.

Posted by Bree at 05:07 PM | Comments (1)

Hint to Self: Read More Carefully

I just nabbed the clock, above, on ebay for $15 plus $15 shipping. It made me happy because it's the exact clock I stared at for five years at Mt. Greylock Regional High. (Yes, I said five. It was a combo jr. high and high school and, yes, due to my somewhat nomadic tendencies, I went to a different school in the ninth grade. I assume the other school had clocks as well but can't summon them to mind quite the way I can this lovely.)

No bigs, pricewise, but UNFORTCH I read the description wrong. See, where it says this:

Q: Since most clocks in the classrooms are slave clock hardwired into a master clock in the main office. Has this clock been converted to a standalone clock with a standard plug?
A: Hi, No, it has not been converted.

I read as:

(Slave clock?)

And apparently this picture still didn't clue me in to the fact I was buying the shell of a clock:

My first thought, beyond the "UGH!" I mean, was that I could just set the clock to 2:25, which is when the final bell rang, and happily live with it as an objet. A tribute to freedom, if you will. But no. Even with thoughts of a $30 tribute to freedom, I was still unsatisfied. So I researched how to fix it myself and install new hardware and figure I could do that as well, though it will certainly be an onerous task fraught with annoying interludes in Hobby Lobby.

So that's my story. Similar to much of my academic career, I made an oopsie by not paying enough attention. And now I must scramble to fix it on the back-end.

Posted by Bree at 11:27 AM | Comments (0)

August 22, 2008

Make a Fan, Build an Advocate

If only all brands were so easy to support...

via Denver PR Blog.

Posted by Bree at 11:47 AM | Comments (0)

Animal Rescue

This is what Matt said to me on the phone a little while ago: "I'm gonna finish up here, go home and get the cat or squirrel or whatever that's stuck in the wall out and then meet you for lunch." I asked him if he suspected it was actually a baby humpback whale that had mistaken his wall for its mother, but he didn't seem to think that would be the case.

UPDATE: It's a cat! And it's still in there! : 0
UPDATE PART TWO: It was two cats! (Well...kittens.) And they're now currently resting comfortably at the home of his vet tech friend who has promised to bring them to the shelter in the morning. He said they were a. wicked cute and b. beasts I would've wanted. Color me gladd I didn't go over there this afternoon to "lend a hand" (i.e., stand around until the work was done and then cuddle me some kitty).
UPDATE PART THREE: It was three cats!

Posted by Bree at 11:40 AM | Comments (0)

August 21, 2008

My Socks Make Me Famous

Lookee loo, I got the above featured on Jezebel in their Past Fashions: Sports section. It is sorrowful that there is no Olympic event for tee-ball. 'cause I was a natural.

Posted by Bree at 04:16 PM | Comments (0)

August 20, 2008

Oooh Now, This is Exciting

Because of my strange shape (aka gigantically tall, narrow-waisted, huge-boobied and with the rib cage of a sperm whale), I have a somewhat hard time finding fitted dresses. If they have any sort of waist, they're out, as it hits me about two inches below the bottom of my bust line. Also out? Any sort that button up the front as it would pretty much take fabric the size of the AIDS quilt to combat the one-two punch of my breasts and aforementioned rib span. So I'm stuck with stretchy jersey options which can look good (here, here [all right, you really can't see that one but hey look! It's me and Jenny!] and here), but can also look relatively vavoomy and are certainly too cocktaily to wear to the office. Nevertheless, I keep trying. For I am a soldier. Hence my recent purchase of a $130 lovely from Banana Republic:

And, zomg, it fits! Well, kind of. It fits in the important parts, though the waist and, weirdly, the very top are kind of bulgy. So, I'm going to do what I've never done (out of a dedication to being profoundly stubborn and also strangely frugal) and bring the bitch to a tailor. A TAILOR! I know. So extravagant. But considering I talked BR into giving me a 15-percent discount after I bought it (they really have *the best* customer service), I think I can take the money saved and actually procure something that conforms to my "never seen on any woman ever...no really, not ever" dimensions like a glove. Which I also can't buy because my fingers are about as long as cartoon octopus tentacles. Oh the travails!

Posted by Bree at 09:06 AM | Comments (2)

August 19, 2008

Keeping Me Up at Night

Why do all the articles and stories and news about Gossip Girl's Blake Lively (above) ALWAYS fail to mention that her brother is Jason Lively (below) AKA the bereted Rusty (Whooostay) from National Lampoon's European Vacation? How can that NOT be the hook?

Special Bonus: Rusty the European Tour

Posted by Bree at 02:44 PM | Comments (0)

And Now a Word From Our Guest Editor: Captain Spicer

Following, Jenny's two-part review of a Neil Diamond concert:

Part One
M and I went to a Neil Diamond concert last week. (equal parts ridiculous, awesome, and cult-like) I recommend if you never. Anyway, Neil also talks to himself, typically over soft backing music. And when he is talking to himself he says things like "Hey, Diamond." He's really beyond human.

Part Two
Neil D is in pretty good shape for an old guy. Definitely looks less disgusting than Billy (Fat Walrus) Joel and less surgically altered than Barry (Cat Woman) Manilow. Not sure I'd go so far as to ogle his ass, MARIE, but he does get around the stage pretty quickly (and not just on his lighted motorized platform). Also, when he slow danced with his back up singer during a You Don't Bring Me Flowers interlude, I truly believed they were in love.

Posted by Bree at 12:31 PM | Comments (0)

I Wish I'd Known About This Card Back in the Day

It would've been perfect when my friend's husband left her when she was 8 1/2 months pregnant. Yeah, you read that right.

Come to think of it, it's still applicable.

$3 at Ripe Cards

Posted by Bree at 12:01 PM | Comments (0)

August 18, 2008

Manga? Faced!

Like everyone else apparently, I faced my manga over at Face Your Manga.com and here's what I came up with for an avatar:

Not bad, and it basically gets my XXL "husky section" head size just right, but it's still not nearly as good as my Wii one, where I'm wearing a black shirt and red pants and have my face basically covered by giant black sunglasses. Kind of like I do every day. (To clarify, that's every day I get dressed in something other than a muumuu.) My mom's Wii icon, though? Has to be seen to be believed. DEAD RINGER (and I don't just say that because she had an appointment with one of those freaky gyno twins that she didn't go to because he UP AND KILLED HIMSELF. True story.).

Posted by Bree at 04:39 PM | Comments (0)

August 17, 2008

Sure to Please All Comers

I got some comment spam today that impressed me with its activity-based inclusivity:

gay circle jerk teenie porn naturism gallery teenage simpsons hentai gagging blowjobs hot teen girls whipping girls dog lover dog--lover man nudes gallery

Don't know about you but a night spent watching the Simpsons, loving my dog and gagging on naturism (not to mention the hentai!) sounds just about perfect.

Posted by Bree at 01:05 PM | Comments (0)

August 15, 2008

Let's Get Physical

Like a good girl, I went to the doctor this morning for my annual (who are we kidding)...um...semi-annual physical. This meant I imbibed no substances of the food and beverage sort during last night's poker game and got up this morning and drove all around town to deal with the various animals without coffee of any sort. (Note: the doctor told me I could've had BLACK coffee without affecting the cholesterol test, which is how I drink it - so good to know for the next time but terrible news to hear while I was sitting there all bleary-eyed and headachey).

Her take on my latest round of physical ailments (e.g., almost passing out at the gym, virtually blacking out upon standing, etc.) is that I have low blood pressure. Apparently very low. This, plus my height, means that my heart has to work to get the blood up to my brain, which is apparently 9 miles away from my chest. She told me that the salt in Gatorade would help at the gym and that I should drink more water than your average bear, but all in all - it's good news because people with low blood pressure kick all sorts of ass. I told her what I knew about it, which is that giraffes have extremely high blood pressure to get the shit flowing up those extendo-necks and we had a good laugh during my breast manipulations.

In other news, the nurse thought I was a model. This was after she weighed me and asked my age. I don't think the nurse knows that much about the modeling industry.

Posted by Bree at 11:44 AM | Comments (0)

August 14, 2008

Sad But True

Denver's legendary "Papa Jack" Well (aka the world's oldest CEO, founder of Rockmount Western Wear and designer of the oft-imitated Western-style, snap-buttoned shirt) died yesterday. He was 107 years old.

Posted by Bree at 03:11 PM | Comments (0)

Defense

I've been instructed to buy the above for my rock-ribbed-Repub brother (size L) when they come out next week at The Fabric Lab. Although I'm more of a Rock-and-Republic-ribbed-henley, I would sport one ~~two~~ too if it meant we were to be defended against numbers one and two. But I guess the City Council's already got that under control.

Via Westword

Posted by Bree at 12:18 PM | Comments (0)

Blogging Merit Badge

This is what the intelligentsia call a "must."

$1.65 at the Boy Scout Store

Posted by Bree at 11:07 AM | Comments (0)

In Case You Were Curious...

That there on the left is what CLAW TOE looks like. (On the right is either part of Jame Gumb's lady suit or the corrected claw foot. Hard to say. "He's making a PATTERN!")

I ♥ my work.

Posted by Bree at 09:36 AM | Comments (2)

Wyyyyyoming...Where the Wind Comes Whipping Down the Plain

As hoped for, our trip to the hinterlands was a great success. There were hikes, beers, sunshine and rainbows, cowboy potatoes served up alongside cowboys and my first ever golf game (during which, ahem, the owner of the course said I was a "natural" and better than 25-percent of the women who played there). I learned that the U.S. Forest Service is not a respected agency, that women who work summers around town are called "ranch cookies," that hubcaps lock in 4-wheel drive, that native son Matthew Fox is a hot motherfucker (though I already knew that, just confirmed), that taxidermic skins are stretched over foam molds and that, when you golf, you have to decide whether you're going to put your arms over your boobs or under them. The squeeze method I perfected is not the ideal.

Photography, ye do no justice.

The scenery was increeeedible. The people were increeeeedibly friendly and funny and cool. There were five stuffed bighorn sheep heads lined up on the wall of the bar. I left the shampoo and conditioner Matt bought me in the motel. The dogs hated the "all natural" biscuits I got them. Matt packed four pairs of shoes, me only two. (Turns out he was right.)

So here's the story: turns out if I play my cards right, I just might get to spend **all** next summer up there, writing and reveling and dodging moose in one of the most beautiful places I've ever been in my life. Matt's pleased as rum punch that I'd even consider it but, like I told him, Dubois reminded me a lot more of where I done came from than Denver ever would or ever could. I guess there's something to be said for trying to find home. Besides, the longer I stay up there, the better chance I have of matin' and relatin' with the aforementioned Fox. And that's important.

Posted by Bree at 08:32 AM | Comments (0)

August 12, 2008

LOL WALTER

(This was on my laptop when I got back tonight, thanks to the lovely and talented catsitter: Ms. Angela S. Come to think of it, there also was a used condom in my bed and an empty bottle of Courvesoir in the shower, but I'm giving the benefit of the doubt that these were just forgotten remnants of my last night in Denver and not sordid clues to Angela's double life.)

Posted by Bree at 07:38 PM | Comments (0)

August 07, 2008

Keep on Moving, Folks...Nothing to See Here

Marie's picking me up momentarily to go to Water World. I promised her at the beginning of the summer that I would take a day off to experience the joy, nay tragedy, of repeatedly having my bathing suit ripped up my asscrack in front of hundreds of children...and now that day has come. I am lubed in sunscreen and ready to lollygag.

In other nonessential news, last night, we went out to eat at Bistro Vendome, a schwanky (relatively) restaurant downtown. I thought the food was decent (the charcuterie was among the weakest I've ever had and considering I order it at every restaurant that serves it - that says something), the atmosphere very, very good and the service pretty godawful. The waitress warned me about my hot plate and then put it down, literally, teetering only half-way onto the table so I had to use my own delicate fingers to push it back. (Luckily for me, this means I now have no fingerprints so can commit felonies willy-nilly.) Then she disappeared for hours at a time. 'tevs, just gives me more excuse to go back to their sister restaurant, Rioja, where I've had nothing but great food and great service. I drowned my sorrows in wine by the glass, ate some killer shrimp risotto, and then forsook dessert to return home and chow some homemade popsicles that Chia (soon to be owner of an all homemade ice cream shop downtown, for REALZ) brought over to my party on Friday. They are very, very good. And I've been eating them all week, so you can consider me an expert on the subject.

So that's what I've been up to. I also almost passed the fuck out at the gym yesterday. For no real reason.

Man...I should really start a blog so I can share this kind of stuff with the world.

Posted by Bree at 10:15 AM | Comments (0)

With This Ring, I Thee Bed

I love this silver-plated gold "Trophy Ring." Every time you score a skank for the night (word!), you take a notch out of the silver. I imagine that you could customize it by adding stars every time you have to take the morning after pill or get a refill on your Valtrex. Of course, mine would remain pristine for, like the starlets of today, I have decided to remain pure until the night after my wedding night. (The night of, I plan on trying meth for the first time so can make no promises.)

Regardless, I think this would go fabulously with the fucktab necklace of yore.

Via Modern Materialist

Posted by Bree at 09:59 AM | Comments (0)

August 06, 2008

Chairwoman of the Bored

Anyone who's scouting around for a present to give me this Labor Day has got an easy task.

Turquoise Leather Chair, $1,331

Posted by Bree at 01:50 PM | Comments (2)

August 05, 2008

Goings Ons

Matt and I are heading up to Dubois, Wyoming on Saturday for a four-day vacation. Matt lived in "The Equality State" for eight years, and still has a house there. Actually two houses. But the one that's livable has a renter. And the other one apparently doesn't have water. Or walls. Or floors. Or something like that. He's assured me that by no means will he force me to stay there. And, reader, it's that kind of consideration that makes me tell him, "I love your head and everything that's in it."

I know from Wikipedia that Dubois was once named Never Sweat. And that's good news. Other good news from Jacksonhole.net:

Set in the upper Wind River valley, the town is framed by Butch Cassidy's haunting Dubois Badlands to the east, the stark, stunning Absaroka Range to the north, and the majestic Wind River Range to the south.

A stroll down the main street, most of it still appointed with boardwalks, yields a taste of Wyoming's Old West flavor. Log buildings, saloons, quaint shops, and even tipis welcome the travel-weary visitor.

The nearby Wind River Range, revered by Native Americans for years before the white man's arrival, is replete with history and wildlife second to none. Shoshones and Sheepeater Indians traveled and hunted throughout this range, which borders the 2.2-million-acre Wind River Reservation, today home to Northern Arapaho and Eastern Shoshone tribes. A summer outdoor enthusiast could easily spend an entire season in the Winds, taking in the glow of the past and the appeal of the present.

Backpackers and hikers to the Winds can choose from nearly 800 miles of trails lacing the range's vast, stunning even sublime beauty. Over 150 glaciers work the Winds, calling out to hikers and climbers alike. Naturally, the Winds are studded with lakes and creeks, themselves teeming with rainbow, cutthroat, golden, brook, German brown, and Mackinaw trout. So anglers should come well supplied and ready to reel. What's more, the same wildlife that Yellowstone visitors can spy also makes its way among the Winds.

One of the world's most magnificent big game animals, the Rocky Mountain bighorn sheep, is showcased in the Dubois area, both indoors and outdoors. The Whiskey Mountain Wildlife Habitat Area, just minutes from town, is home to North America's largest wintering herd of Rocky Mountain bighorn sheep. And the National Bighorn Sheep Interpretive Center, in downtown Dubois, provides an awe-inspiring venue for the country's most impressive display of these majestic creatures.

We're planning on hiking, golfing (I may just drive the cart. Remains to be seen.), drinking, hanging and going to see a SECRETIVE wonder of nature that no tourists know about yet (and I'm not talking about the tipis). It'd be a real shame if we couldn't schedule in some sort of joust between the bighorn sheep and the Sheepeaters while we were there as well.

Posted by Bree at 05:42 PM | Comments (1)

August 04, 2008

Summed

I've had this on my desktop for a while, waiting until the time was right to post it. Ta Da! The time is right! The day I'm not feeling it is today!

Art by Elbow-Toe via my love for you is a stampede of horses

Posted by Bree at 04:10 PM | Comments (0)

August 03, 2008

Spoon Covers "Rocks Off"

Not bad. Not bad a-tall.

Posted by Bree at 07:57 PM | Comments (2)

Five-Word Movie Review Sunday

Running With Scissors

Well-designed and extravagantly shallow.

Posted by Bree at 10:53 AM | Comments (0)

August 02, 2008

Picture of the Day

Via NY Times

Psst, this one's awesome too:

Excellent work, Finlay MacKay! Oh yes, and you too Nastasia.

Posted by Bree at 01:39 PM | Comments (0)

August 01, 2008

Sticks and Stones

Tonight, Matt and I are hosting the Sticks and Stones Party. Similar to 2007's Ball Ball, Sticks and Stones will pay tribute to ball-based cuisine but this year we've thrown a spoke in the works. Or a stick in the spoke. Whatever. Stick-based cuisine will also be on the menu.

Pulling the decorations for the party together pretty much equals taking down the sex swing and buying some plastic forks so I was doubly pleased with myself for having the gumption (and credit-based buying power) to go get some flowers from an actual (non-grocery store) florist for the occasion. And lookee what I done got!

Awww! I even pulled some of the parsnips or kumquats or cucumbers or whatever those things are out of the bottom of the vase BECAUSE I'M AWESOMELY SKILLED LIKE THAT.

Next on the list: wash Kryten dirt off of the baseboards. It's only about 110 degrees here so I'm looking forward to accomplishing about 15-percent of my chore list before collapsing from heat stroke. Good times.

Posted by Bree at 02:05 PM | Comments (2)