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November 30, 2007

2 Girls, 1 Cup, 1 Grandma, 1 Reaction

For all you people who don't know what she's watching, consider yourself truly blessed this holiday season.

Posted by Bree at 02:42 PM | Comments (0)

November 29, 2007

Feel the Rain on Your Skin

A very special episode of The Hills starring James Franco and Mila Kunis

Posted by Bree at 05:40 PM | Comments (0)

Pneumonia Update: Straight Outta Outbox

"At least yest. I shaved my legs (after 1 week+ without; bear in mind I'm 1/4 yeti)...but then had to rest (no joke) without TALKING (no joke) for 15 min until I felt like I WASN'T going to barf from the exertion."

Say it with me: "Good times, good times."

Posted by Bree at 03:30 PM | Comments (0)

Things That Bore Me

1. Textiles
2. Saturday Night Live
3. Myspace
4. Pneumonia
5. Jane Austen

Thing That Will Never Bore Me:

Gen Bonkers

Posted by Bree at 12:44 PM | Comments (0)

November 28, 2007

Drooltasm

Designer Emulation Kits are tributes to some of the all-time great industrial designers. Use this kit to make your own instant design classic. Assemble and attach to 9-volt battery and enjoy!

Battery not included, duh.

Available in a few different designs at Cooper Hewitt for only $25! This is so smart it makes my brain itch.

Posted by Bree at 06:31 PM | Comments (0)

Desperately Coveting Log Bowls

Available for a song at Rose and Radish (via Design Sponge's swankadoo gift guide).

Related:

Posted by Bree at 05:17 PM | Comments (0)

A Star is [Purchased Via Paypal]

The fact I just bought the above shot of the charmingly misspelled and adoringly half-clad Barbra and Kris (along with a festive 1 1/4" silver frame) to adorn my bathroom has added a bit of sparkle and gleam to the turd that is this week.

Make it yours over at Allposters.com.

Posted by Bree at 03:04 PM | Comments (0)

November 26, 2007

Wit Won't Watch Your Back in the Shower Tonight

The Smoking Gun posted a bunch of shots of "wittily t-shirted arrestees" for your viewing leisure. More found here, here, here and here.

Reminder:

Posted by Bree at 05:02 PM | Comments (0)

Dialogue

Dad: You know what this is?
Bree: What?
Dad: An heirloom tomato.
Dad: You know what's wrong with it?
Bree: What?
Dad: Tastes like crap. No plup. Or as some pronounce it, pulp.

Posted by Bree at 04:29 PM | Comments (0)

Sicky Sick Girl

Ah, kiddados. Your lovely blogrincess has, apparentaments, come down with PNEUMONIA. Yes, after an absolutely BRUTAL day yesterday (highlights include puking THREE times while lying in my bed and simultaneously sweating like a hoooore in church whilst being totally freezing and goosebumpled), I got my Ma to drag me to the emergency room. One big ole bag of fluid, 30 mgs of painkillers and two doses of antibiotics later, the results were clear: not meningitis (thanks be!) but rather pneumy-onia. Add to that a fever of 102.2 and a headache worse than any migraine I've ever had, and you get an idea of what my night was like.

So. What next? I rescheduled my plane ticket back home until tomorrow, but am still rather concerned that the travel may, in fact, kill me. I'm supposedly burning 4,000 calories a day (say WHAAA?!!) trying to fight this, so have been rightfully and happily eating anything I can get my hands on. Unfortch, my appetite is nil - so this is like, I don't know, the Monkey's Paw of illness benefits? As in, the gift that no one wants? Sweet...but 4,000 calories, bro? Pass the maple syrup. Mama's going out with a bang.

Posted by Bree at 02:53 PM | Comments (0)

November 20, 2007

Welcome Home

"If there was a comic about Bree, it'd be a mix of Ghost World and Cathy." - Brother Matt (BM)

Posted by Bree at 08:56 PM | Comments (0)

November 19, 2007

Hearts-n-Flowers

Big. News. The boy bought a plane ticket today. A plane ticket to my hometown (or at least the closest approximation with an airstrip). A plane ticket to my hometown for the Christmas, which also happens to coincide with his BIRTHDAY.

Yes, I am dating Jesus.
And yes, he is psyched about fast-actin' Tinactin.
Those Birks can be a bitch, fungally speaking of course.

Speaking of, HOLY CRAP! This is the first man-person who has EVER joined me for the ho-days. The first! I'm all adultz and shit. And, PS, I think I might be...oh I don't know...maybe even...you know...gushy about it all. Say whaa? Pass the brass knuckles. Bitch needs to fight her way out of all this emotion and happiness and stuff. Or whatever.

Posted by Bree at 09:15 PM | Comments (0)

WOTD

Pooning (verb): The act of soaking a super-sized Tampon in water and throwing it at a wall or car in order to make it adhere. Pooning.

Posted by Bree at 04:49 PM | Comments (0)

HOT. CROSS. PUNS.

Clearly, this dumby dumbs site - which ranks the level of education needed to read one's blog - doesn't take into account my refreshing wordsmithery or jape-based exuberance (see title above). Clearly, this site takes me - and you, recognize - for a sorry lot of unlearned flaneurs. And when I say unlearned, I mean it in the iambic pentameter way, you silly dipshit.

(Via BB Blog.)

Posted by Bree at 04:39 PM | Comments (0)

Urbane Cowboy

Jeff W. taking a bull to task on his 34th birthday.

Posted by Bree at 08:16 AM | Comments (0)

November 17, 2007

Inbox

From: Angela
To: briggles
Date: Nov 17, 2007 10:24 AM
Subject: bold AND italics

I think I mentioned that Meyer has been throwing up? This morning, bright and early, he barfed up a pair of boy shorts. Hanes, size nine, apparently previously tie-died. They were all balled up, about half the size of my arm. Unbelievable. And he picked them up at his puppy sitter's house from when I was in Tokyo, meaning he's had them in his body for over 10 days. wtf? He had a serious blockage - he could have died. Or required serious surgery. But the poor little guy, he's such a hard worker, that every night he worked on bringing the suckers up, and today finally got it done. Best part? The undies are almost fully intact, except for the crotch, which is completely shredded.

goodmorning!

Meyer clearly eyeing his next snack: the tea kettle.

Posted by Bree at 10:27 AM | Comments (0)

November 16, 2007

TGIF

Time to come play!

Posted by Bree at 09:01 AM | Comments (0)

November 15, 2007

Baby Sheur

Angela, Rie and I hosted a baby shower for Pifuka at my crib last weekend. Pocky (above) was munched, champagne was quaffed and japes were bandied. Secretly, one of my favorite parts was looking around at all the people whose company I was so enjoying (including those of the boy persuasion who came later) and realizing I had met them all within the last year or so (minus Marie of course). Awww! AWWWWWW!

Pictures here and here (care of Emily and Angela, respectively).

Posted by Bree at 09:20 PM | Comments (0)

Melanie and Albin: Once Again Manhandled by Fame

From the Denver Post:

LoDo Santas fuel up on holiday spirits
By Bill Husted

Albin Ulle has seen a lot of things. After all, he and his wife, Melanie Ulle, starred in the Travel Channel show "1,000 Places To See Before You Die" this summer, visiting 13 countries in 14 weeks. And Melanie is about to have a baby. Any second. (True! She was due November 5th! - ed.)

But still, Albin Ulle says you haven't seen anything 'til you've seen Denver's annual Santa Claus Pub Crawl.

Ulle, a mortgage broker, started the crawl in Denver six years ago with Will Hamilton. The Santa Claus Pub Crawl gathers hundreds of Santas to Fadó Irish Pub on the afternoon of Dec. 1. All the guys come as Santa, the full get-up. The women come as Santa, or Mrs. Claus or reindeer or Santa's Helpers. Everyone brings an unwrapped new toy, which goes to SafeHouse Denver and Samaritan House.

This year, more than 250 people have already RSVP'd with a "HO, HO, HO!" After the Santa brigade gets in the mood at Fadó, it moves onward to Code-3, then the Tavern Downtown, then Wynkoop Brewing Co. - finishing off the night at the chimney at Jackson's. That's some sleigh ride.

It's fun at Fadó, says Ulle. "But all the Santas moving on the sidewalk is one of the funniest things you'll ever see in LoDo. It's about three blocks of solid Santas. People go crazy. It's a wild night of stumbling Santas."

Posted by Bree at 12:56 PM | Comments (0)

Branching Out

Awesome awesome awesome idea for curtain rods, via one of the design sites on my Google reader:

I mean, sure, you couldn't really close the drapes but who cares? It's so pretty, it makes me feel funny in the area where my bathing suit covers.

Posted by Bree at 12:28 PM | Comments (0)

Achoo.

In my ongoing battle to banish the bronchial MUCUS that has been effing up everything from my career ("Pardon me," gurgle, gargle, hack) to my love life ("Um...hang on," choke, snot-blow), I've come across a product called Mucinex that promises to have me ship-shape by the morrow. Only problem is it apparently dries you up like a raisin in death valley, so I've been glamorously chugging water and bypassing Red Bull in an effort to counteract the effects. I'll keep you posted on my phlegm as the day progresses. Lucky!

Posted by Bree at 12:05 PM | Comments (0)

November 14, 2007

'smas Shopping Sites

For the lovies in your life, here's the oft-requested (and never before shared!) list of where to bust out the AMEX this holiday season:

Rose and Radish
The Curiosity Shoppe
Etsy
Wrapables
Frock Shop
Paxton Gate
Velocity Art and Design
Modern Dose
Wishing Fish
Spoon Sisters
2 Jane
Papylicious
Stars and Infinite Darkness
Cog & Pearl
The Shiny Squirrel
Sweet Tooth
Keep Calm LTD.
Elsewares

Posted by Bree at 11:19 AM | Comments (0)

November 13, 2007

For Molly

Something to put in your fireplace while you're waiting for it to be redone?

Plush firewood, $12 each at Shiny Squirrel

Posted by Bree at 05:28 PM | Comments (0)

I Didn't Write This...

but I do agree with it.

Why Denver is the greatest city in the world...

It receives 300 days of sunshine a year, is the nation's most highly educated city with the highest percentage of high school and college graduates, is the third best-looking state in the U.S., brews more BEER than any other American city, has the largest city park system in the nation, is the 20th in the U.S. in population, but has the 10th largest downtown, has the nation's second largest performing arts center, has the thinnest residents of any U.S. city, and according to a federal study, really is a mile high.

Posted by Bree at 12:24 PM | Comments (0)

November 12, 2007

Can I Have a Banana?

Posted by Bree at 09:32 PM | Comments (0)

Pop Goes the Breesal

Porcelain soda cans from Chinese artist Lei Xue (via NOTCOT.org)

Posted by Bree at 09:03 PM | Comments (0)

Making My List, Checking It Twice...

The esteemed Butt-out 2

You'll love this new tool! I used it this past season--and like the commercial when the guy gets hit on the forehead and says, "I wish I had a V-8!!" -- I certainly wish I had invented this tool!! It's the best thing to come along since the invention of the first gutting/skinning knife!

Proper care of harvested animals in the field is essential to having quality, great-tasting game.

Cutting around and removing the anal canal on deer is a necessary step in field dressing that is difficult and potentially dangerous, often resulting in contaminated meat.

With Hunter’s Specialties new Butt Out big game field dressing tool, hunters can quickly and easily remove the anal alimentary canal on deer and deer-sized game.

At the start of the field dressing process, the tool should be inserted to the handle into the deer’s anal cavity, then turn it approximately 1 ½ turns and use the handle to pull out a 10-inch section of the deer’s intestine, which can then be cut off. Then the rest of the field dressing job can be done quickly.

The Butt Out is light and compact; making it easy to carry in the field and it can be easily cleaned and disinfected for re-use.

You no longer have to cut around the opening to the anal cavity--just insert, slowly twist and then pull out. It's that simple.

$ 9.75

Available here.

Posted by Bree at 09:02 AM | Comments (0)

Growing Pains

Since last Wednesday, some oblique muscle in my corpus has been on strike. Latin trans: seriousyo, est brutalis. Between that and the pre-emphysematic phlegm-chortle I like to call my "sexy cough," it's like important parts of my body are engaged in a cage match. A cage match to the death.

This morning, par ejemps, I woke up to stabbing pains where my ribs used to be and hobbled downstairs to be of no assistance whatsoever in the a.m. machinations of dog pee/dog food/dog pills/coffee/toast/find and dismantle the beeping smoke alarm/complain about wireless service routine me and the boy like to enjoy in the pre-dawn hours. But between my moans and calls for caffeine, I did muster enough chutzpah to realize the following:

a. Valium may actually have been invented for situations like this. Not certain, but thinking...thinking...
b. I don't know any drug dealers in Denver who can score me some of them sweet dolls
c. Due to the fact my insurance situation sucks worse than Michael Moore, I can't go to my number one pusher - the doctor - for my bronchitis/abdominal atrophy unless I also get hit by a car.

That's all I've got. So if you see a girl huddled in the road coughing and grimacing with a sign that says "Not too hard, and make it quick!!!" - do the world a favor and just lightly tap her with your bumper until she falls over. And then bring her some quad-shot Americanos and Archway soft snacking cookies while she's recooping in the hospital. 'cause she might like that. Just sayin'.

Posted by Bree at 08:43 AM | Comments (0)

November 10, 2007

If You Loved Me...

you would buy me this ceramic antler bowl:

(Or, you know, a bag of Archway Iced Molasses Soft Snacking Cookies to replace the one Angela and I mowed through last night. Mmm...TGI cookies. A moment on your lips, a lifetime morning of guilt and regret.)

Posted by Bree at 09:15 AM | Comments (0)

November 08, 2007

Special Delivery From Jenny: Disco

As she says, "Gotta watch the whole thing. Patience my prettttthiiiiiiiiiouuuuuuthhhh."

Posted by Bree at 03:24 PM | Comments (0)

Upgrades in the Hizzouse

I'm totally locked out of my house right now. There are two men here applying environmentally sound cleaning solution to my once-white couch in an effort to remove the effects of one (1) dog-owning, red wine-drinking, ciggy-smoking, coffee table dining, dark denim-sporting lady who shall remain blameless.

In other news, the transition of my study from a room into which I never venture to a room into which I often venture is coming along. I've spent roughly 8,000,000 dollars turning my fireplace from wood burning into gas (including: new gas lines, ceramic log set, custom-built metal doors and a custom-built mantel), and another couple mil on wood for the new baseboards and built-in bookshelves. The good news is I'm going to have over 100 feet of shelving for all my literature, tchotkes and picture frames to collect dust upon.

I also found a dresser yesterday for my guest room (and my chief guest) over at one of my favorite local shops for reclaimed/refinished/relatively cheap wooden furniture: Five Green Boxes in Old South Pearl. Granted, it's been painted this kind of barfu shade of lime green, but I have hope I'll be able to refinish her without too much pain/trauma. Now the only thing standing between me and enhanced clothing storage is the fact I have not yet bought the dresser in question. Ah...details.

Oh and one more thing: the hugely expensive custom-made roman shades I ordered for my living room and guest room will be installed next week. It's beginning to feel like a real house over here! In fact, as soon as my kickass dining room chairs arrive (which, with their six-month lead time, could be as late as CHRISTMAS), I'll have you over for a perusal.

Posted by Bree at 11:39 AM | Comments (0)

John Mayer Actually Amuses Me...?

Hard to believe.

Posted by Bree at 10:04 AM | Comments (0)

November 07, 2007

Ha! Take THAT, Death!

MSNBC published an article today called "50 Ways to Beat the Reaper." Because this blog is service journalism at it's finest, I'll get friendly with my cut and paste functions and sum up below the first 11 below. If I were you, however, I'd just click over and read the whole piece. The studies cited are wicked male-focused (Duh, it's an article from Men's Health - ed.), but prolly still useful to the fairer sex.

1. Drink at least five 8-ounce glasses of water a day
2. Take a laugh break
3. Don't go to work sick
4. Put out the fire in your chest (aka treat your heartburn)
5. Indulge your chocolate craving
6. Say no to Froot Loops (and all cereal made from refined grains)
7. Take a magnesium supplement
8. Burn 1,100 calories a week
9. Take a daily multivitamin
10. Hit the weights
11. Set a three-drink limit

Posted by Bree at 04:37 PM | Comments (0)

The Anti-GIMME!

Donot buy me this donut ex machina.
Seriously. I would weigh 40 more deliciously glazed and delicately sugared pounds by Groundhog's Day. In fact, if you find yourself ordering this for home use, time to face the corpulent music and admit you've just g-damned given up that whole "I would not enjoy dying of a massive heart attack" ruse. As well as that whole "I want to get laid again in this lifetime" dream.

Then again, who're we kidding? Fresh, hot donuts can warm many a lonely night.

Posted by Bree at 01:37 PM | Comments (0)

Kiss Me, Plate!

OK - this blog totally is just turning into stuff I want. Sue me, mofos: I'm a graby lady with a penchant for finery. But, as I think I've mentioned, I also have a totally fantastic ass so all's forgiven, right?

Right?

Ceramic plates by Snowden Flood, $50 a pop

Posted by Bree at 12:25 PM | Comments (0)

November 06, 2007

Bicycle, Bicycle, Bicycle!

Please make my dream come true and buy me the Folsom from Swobo (complete with pedal brakes!):

Available here for $499.

(P.S. Is it OK that this blog totally just turns into stuff that I want? 'cause that seems to be the way the cookie's crumblin' o'er here.)

Posted by Bree at 08:54 PM | Comments (0)

Waxing and Milking

These would look favs with bright yellow yolky candles. £69.75 per pair at Hidden Art.

Posted by Bree at 04:30 PM | Comments (0)

November 05, 2007

Christmas List (aka First Entry in the new "GIMME!" Category)

Come In/Go Away doormat from Sprout Home. A modest $27 (plus S&H) to put a smile on my face come the hoho-days seems a small price to pay. Just sayin'.

Posted by Bree at 10:25 PM | Comments (0)

Just Thinking

If there's anything more charming than watching your dog barf up a little chunk of her dinner on the floor, lick up part of it and then come directly over for a smooch, well...I can't name it.

Posted by Bree at 04:50 PM | Comments (0)

Bringing Deeeesign Back

Straight outta Tokyo, crazy mofyo named Angela wants to start up a Denver chapter of Pecha Kechu. What is Pecha Kucha? Funny you should ax. According to the Angenator, and I'm quoting directly: "[Pecha Kucha is an event wherein] they let people present [on design topics], and the person shows 20 slides for 20 seconds each, and [the presenter] talks over the photos, and then the next presenter goes, rapid fire, and everyone hangs out and drinks beer. [It's awesome, just like you, Bree. God, you're so pretty and cool. I think that the entire world should spend each day in gratitude that you walk among us. Also, your ass is fantastic.]"

Anyways. That's all the news from Tokyo this morning. I have to stop all this blogging madness, put on a bra and go to a second round of interviews for a job I already turned down. Once you're done riddling me how I got myself into this odd little situation, I would appreciate a short synopsis. Powerpoint is fine. THXXXXX!!!!!

Posted by Bree at 10:29 AM | Comments (0)

November 03, 2007

Got a Leaky Toilet?

Matt just told me the number one reason why people have leaky toilets.

Ready?
Toilet sex.

For realz.

Toilet sex. (See image on right.)

Now I've encountered my fair share of smut over the years, but I've honestly never EVER heard of anyone having sex on the john. Bathroom floor? OK. Shower stall? Sure thing. Tub? As long as it's not full of bubble bath, the ladeez shouldn't have a problem. But THE TOILET?! ewwwwww!

So, if you've got a leaky one - try the bed, cowboy. And have fun explaining that one to your plumber. Unless, of course, you're dating your plumber. In which case: the loo's the limit. Get crazy.

Posted by Bree at 02:28 PM | Comments (0)

Facebook Update

Heather Twhigg removed "blue vekvet" from her favorite movies.

giggs.

Posted by Bree at 10:47 AM | Comments (0)

Prove Your Smarts, Send Some Starch

Matt turned me on to a new little site the other night: Free Rice. Seems you get to test/build your vocabulary skills while helping starving folks 'round the globe...all from the comfort of your own Aeron. For each word you get right, the site donates 10 grains of rice through the United Nations. For each word you get wrong, a small child is executed. Fun!

I played for far too long last night - (Yo, it was Friday - no rules, Ma!), and ended up sending over 1,000 grains! Which, I think, is about how many I eat on a typical visit to Fontana Sushi, so there you have it. Anys - here's a hint: TWICE they tried to stump me with MUSHROOM words - morel and chanterelle. Ha! Psych! Try again, suckakas!

Posted by Bree at 10:31 AM | Comments (0)

November 02, 2007

Today in Craig's List: How to Ensure You Never Ever Have Overnight Visitors

"Hotel?! Pshaw!"

Posted by Bree at 03:44 PM | Comments (0)

Have I Shown You My Watch?

For allyouze alwayze bugging for detes regarding my stylin' little timepiece, I'm letting the cat out of the bag and admitting I got it here. And for allyouze who don't understand what the title of this post indicates, be sure to ask my brother, Elliott or Joe F. They'll be glad to elaborate.
Repeatedly.

Posted by Bree at 03:23 PM | Comments (0)

Five Word Movie Review Friday

Dan in Real Life

Predictable and unrealistic, but cute.

Posted by Bree at 03:02 PM | Comments (0)

Um...Seriously?

This chick's stuff almost makes me want to a. have kids or b. take up crafts.* I think it's probably 'cause of the squid. Or the sardines.

*Don't get any smart ideas, God. Note emphasis on "almost."

Posted by Bree at 02:42 PM | Comments (0)

Speaking of Skiing

I dropped off the Volkls yesterday for a free tune-up curtsy the new boy's uncle and the fireplace insert I traded him for his services (and possible free lift tickets in Jackson Hole, challah!), and lo and behold: the kids were all rusted on the edge.

Rusted?!
Rusted.

Apparently, my Ph.duh in Scientific Science did not teach me to dry off my metal things before storing them for the winter. A-hem. It's no bigs; they're getting scraped and sharpened and returned to me this evening looking - and riding - good as newish, but dang kids. Learn from my mistakes and towel off your valuables.

In other news of note, I've eaten roughly a gallon of hummus in the past 24 hours.

Posted by Bree at 02:31 PM | Comments (0)

Google Bats It Out The Park

My Gmail ad of the day:

Posted by Bree at 12:46 PM | Comments (0)

Fish on Friday

Posted by Bree at 12:04 PM | Comments (0)

November 01, 2007

Ski Area Opening Dates

Arapahoe Basin - NOW OPEN
Keystone - November 2
Breckenridge - November 9
Vail - November 16
Beaver Creek - November 21

Posted by Bree at 08:27 AM | Comments (0)