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September 29, 2006
Looking for Me Tonight?
Bridgey, if only you were there to enjoy it with all 1992-stizz:
ahem...sweet turtleneck...cough...
Posted by Bree at 12:39 PM | Comments (2)
September 28, 2006
Just 'Cause
Posted by Bree at 10:43 PM | Comments (0)
What I Want to Know is This...
Posted by Bree at 10:21 PM | Comments (0)
Sulligatawny Kitaen Update
Apparently, he's dressed up like a frog...not a pumpkin.
Whaa? Like I'm some baby expert...please...
All together now: Aaaaawwww!
Posted by Bree at 02:33 PM | Comments (0)
Business Plan Update
We're at a robust 37 pages people, including appendices. That's only about 20 pages longer than it has to be. My mom told me she ran out of both ink and paper printing out the first draft. Oh dear Lord, what hath this logorrhea wrought?
In other news, I've finagled my way into a fun lil design consultancy gig for a fun lil friend with a fun lil house - so far, our planning sessions have involved me smoking his ass in ping pong (still got the mad english, Pops!) while listening to The The (what the?) and The Libertines. I also get to come out with statements like, "Your throw pillows are wicked way too small," and "Let's talk chandeliers."
I think I'magonna like this profession.
Posted by Bree at 11:10 AM | Comments (0)
Sulligatawny Makes Modelling Debut
The Twill family matriarch just sent some PDFs of Sully getting all Romign-Stamos in this month's (October) Baby Talk magazine. I know you all have subscriptions, so no need (read: no skill) to try to photoshop dem snaps into a jpeg I can post but in case the mail is delayed, let's just say this: he's gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous and dressed in a pumpkin outfit. He also turned ONE yesterday. Tempus? Please stop fugiting.
West 77th - holla if you hear me.
Posted by Bree at 08:31 AM | Comments (0)
September 27, 2006
Mental Meltdown: Commence!
UPDATE: TMZ has posted a deeply troubling SFW "teaser."
Somewhere in New York, Mike D. is shaking with shame...
From the Daily News:
Porn star's name may ring a 'Bell'
Sex education Dustin (Screech) Diamond will be appearing in a way many of his fans hoped never ever to see him. He may have played nerdy eighth-grader Samuel (Screech) Powers in the sitcom "Saved by the Bell." But former TV geek Dustin Diamond can now take his place with Colin Farrell, Tommy Lee and Kid Rock as the star of his very own sex tape.
Everyone who remembers Diamond as a lovable putz is in for a shock once they see a 40-minute video in which he engages in a kinky three-way with two women, sources tell us.
We can't get too graphic here, but word is that the action includes some bodily functions and an act known as a "Dirty Sanchez."
Phoenix-based agent David Hans Schmidt, who has brokered some of Hollywood's biggest celebrity-skin deals, confirms that he's acquired the rights to a tape featuring Diamond."Just when you think you have seen everything in this business," he tells us, "mankind has raised the bar another notch. Or lowered it."
Schmidt is in L.A., shopping the tape to Hustler's Larry Flynt, Vivid's Steven Hirsch and other major distributors of adult video.
Now age 29, the 6-foot Diamond is much brawnier than you may remember him. He's a black belt in karate, and, four years ago, he defeated Ron Palillo (Horshack on "Welcome Back, Kotter") on Fox's "Celebrity Boxing 2."
Diamond's manager, Roger Paul, said his client has become a successful standup comic and will appear on the ABC sitcom "The Knights of Prosperity."
"I haven't seen the tape," Paul told us. "I've heard rumors. Dustin has been trying to escape the Screech typecast. So this may help me get more bookings."
In 1996, former "Saved by the Bell" sweetheart Elizabeth Berkley bared all in the Paul Verhoeven-Joe Eszterhas trashterpiece, "Show Girls."
The sex vid's working title is "Saved by the Smell." Ewwwww.
Posted by Bree at 03:21 PM | Comments (0)
Tatonka(c) Tatonka(a) Tatonka(v)
In a classic display from our nation's most cunning linguists, the sentence Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo has been wikied as a "grammatically valid sentence used as an example of how homonyms and homophones can be used to create complicated constructs."
Here's the low-down:
The sentence is unpunctuated and uses three different readings of the word "buffalo." In order of their first use, these are:
* c. The city of Buffalo, New York.
* a. The animal "buffalo", in the plural (equivalent to "buffaloes"), in order to avoid articles.
* v. The verb "buffalo", meaning to confuse, deceive, or intimidate
Marking each "buffalo" with its use as shown above gives:
Buffalo (c) buffalo (a) Buffalo (c) buffalo (a) buffalo (v) buffalo (v) Buffalo (c) buffalo (a).
No word yet on how Buffalo Springfield, buffalo soldiers, that guy up there with the finger horns or beefalo - the Mile High meat of choice - works into this but I'll keep you posted as developments occur.
Posted by Bree at 11:32 AM | Comments (0)
September 26, 2006
Frustrating Self/Self Frustration
Writing a business plan calls to mind one song and one song only: "Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying" by Belle & Sebastian. What a task this is! I am confident that my powers of procrastination are unrivaled in this modern world. If only I could build a business around pissing away time...I'd be rolling in revenue.
41 pages into the beast and I still haven't the foggiest idea how much any of this is going to cost. And/or how I'm ever going to make an income again. How can that be?! What the hell am I writing?!
Alack. Here's the totally Bree answer to the problem: e-mail my Mom the business plan and start mapping a road trip/escape to New Mexico. You can't say I'm inconsistent.
Posted by Bree at 12:49 PM | Comments (0)
Completely Bogus Long Distance Character Defamation
According to one of my unnamed New York sources, the man I once called my brother has apparently been spreading sis slander all over town like mayo on an Oscar Mayer sandwich. In my inbox this morning:
"I just thought you should know that Matthew has blamed you for interfering with his piety AND giving him the (quote) 'silent shakes' in church."
!!!!!!!!!!
The words "total" and "horseshit" spring to mind.
It twere Matt all along. Occasionally, occasionally, I might've come up with a touching quip or witticism to share during our holy time, but most of my hours were spent on my knees, rigid and devout. Mouth shut, eyes to God.
Regardless, this disparagement misses the genesis of the matter. The real perpetrator? The sole reason the N*elys were referred to as "the bad family" (erm...true.) at St. John's house of wafers? The man who would make us wear our coats to communion so that we might sneak out afterwards? The community leader who once fell off a prayer rail - sparking a fit of hysteria that neither time nor societal norms nor the threat of eternal damnation could quell? The trusted patriarch who would draw pictures and notes gently pointing out the idiosyncracies (read: toupees/ugly coats) of our fellow worshippers and then pass them down the pew to us?
I think you know who I'm talking about.
And it tweren't me.
But I did learn from the master.
Matt - you're a dead man this Christmas. If Mom doesn't sit between us I'm going to make it my mission to get you kicked out of the service. You heard me. My mission. And you better pray Mom wears the entirety of her fur wardrobe - as that's how much pelt you're gonna need to muffle them chiggles. And we both know - that's a lot of fucking fur. Godspeed.
Posted by Bree at 08:58 AM | Comments (2)
What Color is Your Parachute?
Track and field line judge Lia Mara Lourenco is helped after a javelin hit her in her foot during 'Brazil Trophy,' a national track and field competition, in Sao Paulo, Brazil, Sunday, Sept. 24, 2006.
Thinking this woman might be due for a career change.
Posted by Bree at 08:14 AM | Comments (0)
September 25, 2006
Jack White TLF TLA...(at least until someone better shows up)
I'm having a brief reunion fling with the song, "The Boy That You've Always Known" by the White Stripes. It's replaced last week's erotic affair de couer with "If I Ever Feel Better" by Phoenix, but no promises on any sort of LTR here. It takes a lot (read: Keith Richards, Jenny Lewis, David Coverdale) to get me to that stage. And I'm just not sure I'm ready.
Posted by Bree at 01:31 PM | Comments (0)
Alerting All Ladies: Another Fuer Hits the Brooklyn Streets
Recent evidence indicates he's a boob man who likes cuddling and owns a lot of blankets. Also into milk, bland food and crying when he doesn't get his way.
Sounds like my kind of dude.
Ernest Lachlan Fuer aka Lach aka Lach Ness aka Eliot Ness aka El
Finally the old saw, "Who's your daddy?" is put to rest.
CONGRATULATIONS ON THE LITTLE HOSS!
Posted by Bree at 12:04 PM | Comments (0)
September 22, 2006
Plenty of Room at the Hotel Colorado
"Hotel rooms constitute a separate moral universe."
- Tom Stoppard, Night and Day
No word yet on what kind of moral universe hotel room liquidators constitute, but I spent a good deal of time at one today and made some phiggity phat purchases for The Scarlet, including three gorgeous silver samovars ($25 each) and a glass topped side table ($35) that's just begging to be stripped and effed with. Um...maybe I should rethink that sentence, given the context.
Yep, so right - I skipped the blankets and sheets (ew.) and, though momentarily blinded by the preponderance of BRASS in hotel lighting fixtures (below), also made it out of there lampless.
More pictures of the somewhat eerie lunacy after the jump...
What's the over/under that the CSI ultraviolet/blacklight/semen detector/emergency flare would blow a fuse and start smoking in here?
Life of Bree --> not all glamour and fat-free pudding. Also, quite a bit of cardboard.
I am struck mute by this sign. Mute, I tell you. Paradigm change?! These are the same people that asked, jesticularly, if I was "edumacated" after I used the word "samovar." I matched this cunning wit by lobbing back that my parents sure hoped so. Then we all had a good laugh while my credit card was processed. But all too soon our shared appreciation of jesticles was through.
OH AND PS...this totally wasn't the scariest place I've been shopping this week. Those honors would go to the basement from Texas Chainsaw Massacre I nearly met my maker in on Tuesday:
I realize it's a bit blurry, but can you see the panic? Can you sense the fear? Can you smell the BABY DOLL?
Who doesn't...really...though?
Um...? What? Please let me go now, scary lady.
Posted by Bree at 10:54 PM | Comments (0)
Textually Speaking
Best Text Messages of Summer/Fall 2006
Received Category:
PS soon aka not tonight, so go get laid or something.
Posted by Bree at 09:59 AM | Comments (0)
Grouch, C'est Moi
I have a physical - complete with cholesterol test - at 10:45 this morning. Because of this, conservative estimates place my first cup of coffee at no earlier than noon. As a result of the previous stated time frame, I am in a mood most foul, feel a little bit like puking and can't stop yawning. I am also challenging myself to stop relying on the word "this" and thus, am coming up with phrases such as "the previous stated time frame."
Grumble, grumble, WAAAAH!
One benefit that this bleak, barren morning has brought, however, is the discovery of a little shop in town called Composition that has Sarah Cihat's delicious line of delicious dishware. Indeed, the Composition site is the second one that springs up on a Google search for Ms. Cihat. I'll tell you what, this the availability of such products is a good sign for Denver design denizens.
I'm going back to bed to pout now. 'scuse.
Posted by Bree at 08:23 AM | Comments (0)
September 21, 2006
Today in Purchasing
I snaked this cold-lampin', cross-processed 8" x 8" photo from a British artist on etsy.com this afternoon. Damage? A modest $35. In celebration of what some might call my coup d'etsy, I finally verified my Paypal account and steeled myself to get this online "buy buy buy" thing rolling. Ebay - you're never gonna know what hitcha. It's gonna be all A+++++++++, BEST TRANSACTION EVER!!!!!!!!! all the time.
Posted by Bree at 11:23 PM | Comments (0)
Apple? Tree.
My dad is very excited that the word idiosyncrasy (meaning "a characteristic, habit, mannerism, or the like, that is peculiar to an individual") is a derivation seemingly at odds with its root: the Greek for "personal blend." He told me about this exciting lingual development on the phone and followed up our robust back and forth with a mailed print reference. In other news, The Gap has underpants on sale.
It's been quite a day.
Posted by Bree at 09:35 PM | Comments (0)
Breaking: Denver Fans Denied "The Dink"
Humperdinck's Denver Date Delayed
Engelbert Humperdinck's Denver concert on September 30 has been postponed.
Today, promoter Live Nation announced the change.
Humperdinck, best known for hits such as "Release Me" and "After the Lovin'," was scheduled to perform on Saturday, Sept. 30 at the Paramount Theatre.
Posted by Bree at 04:17 PM | Comments (0)
September 20, 2006
Confidential to M*D
Aw dudes.
Your lil Brix misses you so.
Posted by Bree at 05:45 PM | Comments (0)
Motive? Loco!
Please note what time I'm awake.
Marie is picking me up in 10 minutes to go run up and down Red Rocks with her and her Mom. And by "run," I mean walk briskly enough to avoid frozen breast break-off. And by Red Rocks, I mean the steep, foggy place where the video for "Sunday Bloody Sunday" was filmed.
And where Tesh jams it the hardest. 'cepting for me, naturally.
Posted by Bree at 05:36 AM | Comments (0)
September 19, 2006
Scarlet Harlot
Breaking News.
I'm not sure if you, loyal readers, have the time to sift through the landslide of comments I get daily on this site, (I know, I know - "work," "salary," "GNP," "family," "priorities," "goals"...really, now. Your slavish devotion to the brutal constraints of such hegemony is rather nauseating and I for one am sick of hearing all your bloviations to that effect.) - but there was one left below, yesterday, that really rocked this town, rocked it inside out. Indeed, there was an [Cue: angel's choir/Brian Setzer orchestra] awwwwwesssssome little piece of awesome pie left for me by Jenny Frox to the Rox, lady of the Heights, down there on the Czech/Viet Nam post.
Did you miss it?!
Are you REEAADDYY?!?!!
She named my store!
THE SCARLET CONSERVATORY.
As in Clue (or, as her husband the Tory might call it, "Cluedo"). Taking into account the facts that a. red is my most favored color and b. Clue is my most favored board game and c., much to Natasha's chagrin, I never read or even saw Gone With the Wind and d. Scarlett Johanssen has extremely nice boobs and e. Marie keeps finding mysterious Clue weapons in her Jeep (this is true.), it's the most perfect name ever. EVER!
I am so psyched! Guilty as charged: Professor Fox KILLED THE COMPETITION with an icepick to the dome straight up in the effing board room. Oh snap!
Good one, lady my lady.
Posted by Bree at 08:21 AM | Comments (0)
September 18, 2006
Ugliest Muffin of the Year Award: Bran Category
Posted by Bree at 04:57 PM | Comments (0)
September 17, 2006
And This is Why I Don't Like Birds
Posted by Bree at 11:34 AM | Comments (0)
September 16, 2006
Credit Czech; Name Nam
I just opened my first business credit card under Sweet and Bitter, LLC. That's the name I have registered with the Secretary of State, but - of course - now that the thrust of the business has evolved and become slightly less...thrustacular?...I may need to change it.
As far as this goes - I like the Sweet aspect. Hometowners know my family's place was once called "Sweet's Farm," which led to our first nursing home - Sweet Brook - which is still the name of my Mom's stables. Sentimentality; it's what I heart. But the "Bitter" thing...a little offputting I'd say, now that we're not talking about wine. But does that really matter? I mean, look at Otto Tootsie Plohound - (a shoe store in New York named after the owner's dogs) they don't seem to have suffered any ill effects. Or even Mxyxplyx - which no one, including me, has any idea how to spell. They're going gangbusters.
Then again, I was never that hyped on that name anyway, but I loved the Sweet thing, loved the Stones reference (it's a lyric from Sweet Virginia) and love the logo - and the man who done it. Clearly, I love to love. Now come gimme some sugar.
How about Sweets?
Or perhaps just K. Swevard? Like Mr. "I've been schucking on a Schnapple all day" Swierad, hey Susie? Where'd you get that sweater anyhow? J.L. Crews?! I wonder if he finished that Sam Walton book yet. Or if he got a new pair of pants.
OMG. This trip down 11th grade lane/yearbook entry is giving me wicked bliggles (blogging giggles). Especially the fact that during this class, Susie and I took a 12-pack of beer and 4 packs of smokes to write an unnamed senior's final paper (complete with typos) so he could graduate. An unnamed senior who's now on the Williamstown police force. HAHAHAHHHA! Power is mine.
OK - back to the point: I'm thinking something like desden - (? eh...you know, design denver?) or, hmm...Stash? (Is that too Sellecky?) Or...GOD I NEED HELP. Someone please e-mail me the perfect name. My old store name idea - Magpie - has been totally snaked by a place in Boston. I am at loose ends and I sadly feel that neither of my go-to DBAs - Knicholas Knack (get it? Knick knack? HAHHAAHHAH Kill Kme.) nor "The Lurkin Gherkin" will suffice.
But the Lurkin Gherkin would've had such COOL t-shirts...just picture a pickle, with a fedora, peering around a door...! Genius!
Posted by Bree at 12:24 PM | Comments (2)
September 15, 2006
Jake's Gorgey Snaps OR: Why People Live in the West
My inbox brought me a favulous treat today: Jake's pics from his recent move/road trip from Coloradey all the way up to Seattle. One Budget truck hauling one Suburu over three mountain ranges - and he still managed to get some stellar shots. Definitely click through to see them all. Oh and yes, the captions are his.
B-Bye!
Beautiful CO!
Oooo, aahhh, Colorado
Racing the Train
Una Cerveza y Los Tetones Grandes
Columbia River Gorge
Mmm, wheat
Idaho Traffic
Not so much
Montana es muy lindo
Mysterious and Elusive Mtns
Posted by Bree at 02:55 PM | Comments (0)
Awesomeness
Since moving, I've spent about $30 on clothes. This doesn't count "los ensembles de negros" I collected for my Nana's funeral week, nor the unnamed sums put towards shoes and jewelry - but one has to draw the line somewhere with all this "moderation." So, in keeping with what I like to call "The Year of Justification," I bought some stuff this week.
1. A killer white Columbia parka - marked down to $129 at a ski apparel/equipment event here called "Sniagrab." That's "Bargains" backwards...clever! And cheap! It has a furry hood that I'm not quite sold on yet, but goes with my whole Meg White all clothes must be black, white or red aesthetic so I'm a fan.
2. Two small faux bois jewelry stands ($26 ea.) for aforementioned earring explosion I've been trying to manage since late 2004:
3. Building on the realization that I can put more than two throw pillows on my couch, as well as my realization that orange is the new red, a Queen/Union Jack little beauty ($39):
4. NOT BOUGHT YET - but oh my! I need these candles from Crate & Barrel desperatmente ($12 - $22), but am also torn as new ones I've been seeing are wrapped in CORK...mmm....so cool...
That's all! For today, at least. But I'm going to check out my competition later this afternoon so we might get ourselves in a little Amex trouble, if you know what I'm saying.
REMINDER!!!! Buy some photos!!!! THIS MEANS YOU, DAD.
Posted by Bree at 10:00 AM | Comments (0)
Premier Cru Wine Chicks Entry Posted
It's 9:14 a.m. over here. I've already written a scathing critique of eight wines, put my laundry in and watched Meredith Viera pattycake with the "Roke." What have YOU done?!
Posted by Bree at 09:14 AM | Comments (0)
September 14, 2006
"Buy Some Stuff" Page Launched
Your girl in HTML cracked some secretive nerd code and - high on the power that brought - posted a few photos and purchasing info in the "Buy Some Stuff" link to your right.
Enjoy - and please do be in touch if you need any further details or want to see bigger versions. For many of the black and white ones, I already have prints made of various quality and sizes, so I can be flexible with prices. For the others, I'm rigid like stale cheese.
Posted by Bree at 10:49 PM | Comments (0)
AFERNOON UPDATE UPDATE
I got rid of the little fucker.
I call him that because he chewed through the casing on one of my electrical cords. Sweet revenge, eh?!
Not. So. Fast.
Also because he squeaked when I picked him up.
And when I threw him into the dumpster.
I'm going to go have a fair amount of scotch right now. Excuse me.
Mike, Zoe - you're free to leave.
Posted by Bree at 02:01 PM | Comments (0)
Afternoon Update/Cry for Help
There is a mouse.
Trapped in a glue trap.
Under my bed.
It's alive.
Jenny suggested I call the Irish Carbomb himself as he's been the one to deal with our infestation problems over the years. Like the time we made him leave work early and come to the east side to dispose of a dead mouse in her kitchen. Or the time I made him leave work early and come to the west side to dispose of a waterbug the size of a cat. Um...or all the other times.
Manhattan's gross, yo.
And he works too much anyway.
MCNA - WHERE ARRRRRRRRE YOUOUUUUU?!
Alternatively, J Person also told me that Zoe had thrown a "sprung" glue trap out of her window once. That's the kind of balls I can get behind.
ZOE - WHERE ARRRRRRRRE YOUOUUUUU?!
Posted by Bree at 01:36 PM | Comments (0)
Clickety Clackety on the Typerackety
A business plan is supposed to be about 20 pages long.
So far, mine's a robust 31.
And I've still got a LOT more to say.
[Sadly, Google Image turned up no useful illustrations for this post. Both my "keyboard barf" and "vomit keyboard" searches struck out. This stands in stark contrast to its homerun with "Fergie pee pants" earlier this morning. Ah well. Can't win 'em all. I can't believe how long this sports analogy has lasted. Will someone please hit me in the head with a wiffle ball bat?]
Back to my bullshit...
Posted by Bree at 12:40 PM | Comments (0)
Confidential to KJT at 787 Seventh: You. Balm. Diggety.
The UPS man just done brung me two bottles of the finest birthday present a girl could ever hope to receive care of the best friend a girl could ever hope to know. Shipment one of my three-month "Wine club" membership includes a nice big ole California Zinfandel (*my favorite!*) and a Rhone blend of Roussanne and Grenache Blanc. Sounds delightful - and totally new to me.
Kirsten - you are the best. Thanks so so so so much.
You have no idea how much I wish you and I could drink them together. Preferably at a Jr. High dance party in Erin Jenning's barn at which you're wearing an oversized green turtleneck and I'm wearing fingertip gloves:
And/or at a 1995 party up to Stone Hill at which you're wearing an oversized green henley and I'm wearing a button-up knotted at the waist:
NB: This was in the middle of a Massachusetts summer - hence our tawny skin tones and long sleeves...
And/or one from this last July right here in the Mile High in which you're wearing the exact same thing I am - down to the bra and abject drunkeness:
But alas. Until I finally convince you to abandon it all and come live with me out West, the mems will have to suffice. Smoox to the ooxtreme.
Posted by Bree at 11:00 AM | Comments (0)
The Bidness of Being Bree
I'm writing my business plan this week. As I have been for a while.
Shut.
It.
As such, I had to come up with this brief summation of my professional experience. I thought I'd post it up here as I feel like most of my friends/family couldn't say what my career encompassed if they had a gun to their head. I might say the same of some of my former bosses. Snap! Also bear in mind, all of this would be much more impressive if I could somehow include how frequently I was incapacitated at work due to my overwhelming propensity to socialize and/or funnel beers. Ah! Adulthood! You crazy mofo!
Over seven years experience in marketing and public relations for consumer product and service providers. Has helped develop and hone brand campaign strategy for clients including Starbucks, Brawny Paper Towels (Georgia Pacific), Ortho Evra (Ortho McNeil Pharmaceutical), Dove health and beauty products (Unilever), and Barilla pasta.As a Senior Copywriter/Creative Supervisor for a boutique advertising and PR agency, Ms. N*ely spent four years covering architecture and design trends for commercial real estate clients. She conceived of and executed a range of marketing and press materials for multinational firms including CB Richard Ellis, Reckson Associates, Kurland Passaretti Group and Tishman Speyer.
Her online marketing experience includes crafting consumer-
based Web site content and catalog copy. She designed and maintains a personal weblog to broadcast her own unique sensibilities and personality. As the business grows, the site will be built out to spotlight her capabilities by incorporating shop information, writing on design trends and e-commerce.
You know how Jame Gumb in Silence of the Lambs is all, "I would fuck me." ? Well. Replace "fuck" with "hire" and, yeah...wait...oh God. This is just disturbing.
Posted by Bree at 09:50 AM | Comments (0)
Damask Unmasked
I see the Times picked up on the damask trend - or, as I like to call it, "Mmmm, need more of that stat." Loyal loyalists know I've been cooling my heels on the "Ottoman?! Uttaman!" I picked up in Keenesburg, CO this past winter - and loving every minute of it. If I had my way, I would get a full-body damask tat so that I might revel in its beauty forevermore. Apparently, I don't have my way. Something about societal norms? Eff.
Anys. Here's a $130 chair from IKEA I would think about buying if there was an IKEA in Colorado.
Not crazed about the pedestal base/lack of arms in a living room setting, but I think they would rule as dining room chairs around a big fat white laquered table. Mod + traditional + cheap = just like I likey like. In fact, I will call it Motrache (pr: "Mo trashy!") and launch a style revolution. You heard it here first.
As for the black and white thing, I'm feeling it more and more as of late. I'm taking an incredible interior design class here - at one of the top schools in the country, apparently, for sustainable/green design - and my project will involve redoing my bedroom. All my big wooden furniture is just much for the space I'm in now, and I'm deathly sick of the brown/white/baby blue/red thing I've been living with since 2004:
Let's put it this way. When I painted that room, it was to the sweet sounds of the Black Eyed Peas. Back before Fergie wet herself:
So I'm thinking of getting into black and white but am also really, really feeling kelly green and white these days. Kind of 80's Benetton shirt style. Maybe toss in some really rich purple. Which, come to think of it, were totally my riding colors back in the Jr. High horse-showing days - plus some hot pink accents. Natch.
Sprinkle on a fine layer of manure and haydust, and I think I've found the answer to my design connundrum. Still not sure what to do with Fergie, though.
Posted by Bree at 08:54 AM | Comments (0)
Hump Day Hotlist
Two things that are making my heart burst with awesomeness this week:
1. Lily Allen (who's playing the Hiro Ballroom 10/10, Big Applers) - British rapper - cohort of Mikey Streets - totally danceable, funny, cute, smart and dirty. Best running CD I've come across in a while. [Careful of clicking on that link if you're at work - launches a few KILLER songs by her.]
2. The Wire. OH MY GOD, I don't know how I could've missed the first two episodes of this season but OH MY GOD, thanks to HBO On Demand I am back in its ever-loving arms and ready to repent for all my sins. Well - most anyway. Ay, McNulty. I yearn for ye. Ay, Avon Barksdale! Ay, Stringer Bell! Ay, Marlowe! Ay, that crazy braided man/woman/child with the nailgun in the first episode -> most. frightening. character. ever!
Between Lily in the ear goggles and McNulty et al in the eye line - I am in brain bliss.
Posted by Bree at 08:22 AM | Comments (0)
September 13, 2006
Stranger in a Strange Land (And I'm Not Just Referring to Union Square)
My favorite finance-o, Patrick of the Pit, just sent me this sad little link and asked if I missed the dating scene in New York.
Right.
No.
No I do not.
No, Noey, No.
But it reminded me of this (slightly edited) e-mail summation I wrote last winter in the midst of my own banker dating experience. It was a hectic few weeks of sake, opera, cabs and proper utensils. Thank God I got out of that one alive.
From: Bree
To: [redacted]
Date: Nov 12, 2005 10:06 PM
Subject: tangled up in
whoaaaaaaa. things are weird in NYC, baby -- went out w/the banker last night; ended up [hanging out] at his SWEET ASS LOFT on 14th street.
wow.
yeah.
wall street.
wow.
money.
skylights.
brick.
art.
oriental rugs.
expensive electronics.
dining room table for EIGHT.
seltzer.
uhhhhhhh. holy crap. different style than my usual crowd...
he gave me coffee with a SAUCER.
conversely from THAT, i pulled a fucking PLANT out of my drain today.
a live plant.
when i told heather she just said, "isn't it gonna be great when we have money to live in real places someday?"
it looked like a fucking sprout man -- it was GREEN coming out of my drain...
ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm???? what the FUCK?
Posted by Bree at 09:00 PM | Comments (0)
The Freshmaker
Posted by Bree at 03:58 PM | Comments (0)
Super Babes
Nicole and Ted's little dumplings rockin' some serious WeMa pride.
'cause where we come from "wicked" is an understatement, there are just three types of sharks, and the party's down to the resevoiiia tanoooiiiii. Proud to see these kids repping for the BC hillz. Just like their Auntie do.
Posted by Bree at 09:21 AM | Comments (0)
September 12, 2006
Tough Read
I found an article in The Globe and Mail about KBW and September 11th.
It mentions Greg twice.
While I'm not sure if reading the piece will be helpful or heartbreaking to those who mourn him, I do believe that after five years we all know our individual capacity for this one.
Hearts and love and keg stands and extra-special-deluxe smoox to the mad extreme, chiclets.
It's the best we can do.
Posted by Bree at 05:00 PM | Comments (0)
Isn't It Funny How When You Start Hanging Out With Someone Cool...
Updating your blog becomes much less of a priority?
Posted by Bree at 08:55 AM | Comments (0)
September 11, 2006
Missing
Posted by Bree at 12:01 PM | Comments (0)
30 Years Ago Today
An attractive couple from the suburbs of Boston gave about 750 people in the Massachusetts/New York area the best gift of all: H to the motherfucking J.F.
Happiest Happiest Happiest Birthday, babes.
You keep my world spinning.
Now let's go downstreet, get a coffee and talk some wicked shit, hey?
Posted by Bree at 07:37 AM | Comments (0)
September 09, 2006
Breaking: Slovaks Do It Better
Auto-eroticism Undoes Driver
BRATISLAVA (Reuters) - A Slovak driver who crashed into a bus shocked rescuers who found him unconscious and half naked with a vacuum pump on his penis.
Police said the 42-year-old man, driving an old Citroen in the Slovak town of Levice, had ignored a "give way" sign.
"It's very likely he had auto-sex while driving, it is a matter of investigation. After the accident he was found lying in the seat, his pants were off and it (the pump) was placed on his penis," police officer Peter Polak told Reuters.
"I've never seen anything like this, nor have my colleagues," he added.
The man was taken to hospital with head injuries.
Posted by Bree at 03:01 PM | Comments (0)
September 08, 2006
You're the One for Me, Fatty
Here's an interesting little piece from The Nation featuring several different takes and theories about our obesity pandemic/food supply nightmare.
There's some typical rhetoric and smugness, but the overall hypothesis - that we are slowly being totally reamed by the EVIL CORN INDUSTRY (I shit so not.) - among others - holds water. Or high fructose syrup.
Some quotes:
Farm subsidies, tariffs and trade agreements support a food supply that provides 3,900 calories per day per capita, roughly twice the average need, and 700 calories a day higher than in 1980, at the dawn of the obesity epidemic. (Marion Nestle)A McDonald's meal (and most of the processed food in your supermarket) consists of clever arrangements of corn and soybeans--the corn providing the added sugars, the soy providing the added fat, and both providing the feed for the animals. These crop subsidies (which are designed to encourage overproduction rather than to help farmers by supporting prices) are the reason that the cheapest calories in an American supermarket are precisely the unhealthiest. (Michael Pollan)
Grodes, but at least we're not the only species with a self-control problem.
Thank goodness "big pharma" is all up in the mix slavishly working away to find the pill to melt away our chub and solve all of our problems. Now I'm an undeniable fan of pharmaceuticals (ahem), but it disturbs me to no end that our advertising and PR agencies and most of the media we consume is bankrolled by these cats. It's no secret that the once creative, independent industries are now heavily influenced by Pfizer and J & J and the like. They have to be: drug companies are the only ones with the scratch to buy ads (which pay for and control content in most media outlets) and to buy PR services (which place targeted content in most media outlets). Think about in terms of ad pages - the bread and butter of the magazine publishing industry. When you see an ad for Celexa or Claritin or whatever, you always see a page next to it filled with fine print. That means for every ad these guys buy - they actually have to buy two. Kind of like the fat dude who has to sit in first class. That's ad page gold. Thus, the publishers love them and court them and to some degree or another shape their content to attract them...and their customers.
Also, to add another point to this neverending rant, think about this next time you consider the state of our public health and healthcare situation: when people are sick, it behooves the pharmaceutical companies (drug sales) and law firms (injury/illness suits). When people are dead, it behooves the government (fewer social security/medicare/welfare etc. payouts)...and law firms (estate settlement, wrongful death). It's all so...intertwined.
THEY ARE ALL TOTALLY TRYING TO KILL US. By hook or by twinkie.
Double Ehh!
All right. This diatribe must be suspended as I have to go out.
Oh and hey - if you're looking for me tomorrow night, I'll be at the Rockies game apparently supping on "pizza in a cup." I'm sure no lifespans have ever been capped in the knees by that entree, but hell - I like to eat out of both sides of my mouth.
¡I'm weak! And hungry! Sue me!
Oh and could you pass the Schlitz...and the Vicodin? Grats.
Posted by Bree at 06:18 PM | Comments (0)
Walls!
AHHHHHH! Coolest apartment walls ever!
Not that I'm one for hyperbole, or anything.
Posted by Bree at 04:52 PM | Comments (0)
Drink With Me...To Days...Gone By
Oh no. Now I'm totally going to have Les Mis in my head all morning.
LOOK DOWN
LOOK DOWN
(Doomed.)
I can only take solace in the fact that I wrote a big bucketful of commentary over on Wine Chicks. Click here for my recommendations and scathing critiques of wines from Burgundy and the Rhone. Yes, even though I'm no longer opening a wine bar - I'm still going to continue my quest to get drunk in scholastic settings with people who are at least 20 years older than I. It's a calling, and one I'm more than comfortable with.
Two - Four - Six - Oh - One!
Posted by Bree at 10:52 AM | Comments (0)
September 07, 2006
The Tarnish Vanquish: Vol. 1, Verse 4
On my way up to Nebraska on Saturday, I stopped in my favorite town in alllllll of Northern Colorado: Keenesburg...home of 500 happy people and a few soreheads, or so the official town motto would like to have us believe.
I was able to circumvent the soreheads and nab what I've been looking for for a few weeks now: a silver tray to put my parfum on. I also went to the bathroom and got a coffee. It was a very positive experience made all the more so when the cashier told me a secret silver tarnish remover recipe. (I say "secret" because Tom Cruise was hovering off the ground behind me, trying desperately not to sweat on the floor. True, he might've just been stretching but who's really to know?)
According to this non-sorehead's classified housekeeping dossier, if you line your sink with aluminum foil, sprinkle a tablespoon of salt and a tablespoon of baking soda over the foil, place the silver on the foil and then pour boiling hot water over it - POOF. All your grime will disappear.
Naturally - and because this will theoretically assist me in my chosen career - I tested the concoction out:
Thar she is, blowing
Boiling hot action
Results? Eh.
It definitely took off a lot of the gunk, but I still had to bust out the old elbow grease - and that weird pink stuff - to get her all shoned up. Verdict, dear readers: my results would've been a lot more impressive if I had more boiled water to use. It's a big piece and I have a big sink and I was just being downright modest in my estimations. Also, as far as that goes, don't be limited by the friendly advice of a Keenesburgian: you should totally add more baking soda and more salt than recommended. Whaa? It's a supersized world out there - deal with it and pass that barrel of fries OVER. HERE. MOMMA'S. PECKISH.
Ah right, where was I? OK - after a bit more scrubbing with, cough, REAL silver polish, I got what I wanted - something real pretty-like on which to display all me special eau de's:
Ahhhhh.
The end.
Posted by Bree at 10:13 PM | Comments (2)
Oh Ma Gah
I am positively yearning for this wallpaper. Seriously.
I must have it. I must, I must, I must.
Whoa...wait a minute.
Keith? What are you doing in there?
Come back to bed, sweetie.
And bring the Coors.
Posted by Bree at 03:27 PM | Comments (0)
An Orgy of Organization
Getting an assignment book/calendar thing last year changed my life for the better. Though I've had about a million Filofaxes, notebooks, datebooks and even a Palm Pilot (a million, I say), this is the first time I've used something consistently. It has taken the stress of remembering every blessed thing happening in my life off of my mind...which is of incalculable benefit. Judging by the popularity of these things, this clearly is revelatory only to me. Color me a fan, color me impressed...just never color me badd.
Ever.
My delight in this "personal accountability" concept you people seem to talk so much about has only broadened with my discovery of the newfangled Google calendar. Minus the strange military time interface, I couldn't be more pleased. Well, I could. But that would probably involve hot cocoa. Or figs. Naturally, the calendar is available wherever you can get an Internet hook-up - meaning you can keep numbers, dates, etc. in there that you might need on the fly. Even if you forget your datebook!
TECHNOLOGY!
WHAT? WILL? NEXT?
This just may replace my previous system of e-mailing everything to my Gmail account and then just searching for "Matt address Eastchester" or "car Brooklyn" or "budget Vegas escort" on an as needed basis. I was ahead of my time, this much is true - but dem cats done caught up and passed me.
Google, I think I loove yoo.
More organization tips here, PS, thanks to Manhattan User's Guide.
Posted by Bree at 09:33 AM | Comments (0)
September 06, 2006
Just Wondering
Is this really what our forefathers died for?
Posted by Bree at 11:11 PM | Comments (0)
Five Word Movie Review Wednesday
Don't Look Now...only sucky.
Posted by Bree at 10:00 PM | Comments (0)
Achieving, Accomplishing, Accessorizing, Cabbage: It's How I Do
Oh friends. I have just returned from a meeting. And though not quite as official as the meetings of yore - there was nary a black plastic tray of half-bagels and past-ripe fruit to be seen - it was a meeting all the same. A meeting at which I skipped the carbs in favor of a bounty of beneficial info re: shop ownin' in D-Town. I'm talking cornocopia, horn of plenty, giant ugly wicker ear filled with plastic root vegetables - what have you.
This metaphor has quickly gone asunder.
I blame the altitude.
And the propensity for people here to wear Crocs.
It's all quite unsettling.
Regardless, I will soldier on to bring you the news that I just got the TOTAL LOWDOWN ON EXACTLY WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO START A BUSINESS HERE. Including phone numbers for accountants, web designers, marketing people and designers, as well as addresses for state licensing offices and local merchandise markets...and other things! All this from my new favorite person on earth: a girl I just met who has her own cool little line of handbags and her own cool little shop in a cool little neighborhood.
My head is a-spinnin' with all this goodness.
Very exciting stuff.
I plan to celebrate with a celebration salad tonight.
What's so special about a celebration salad?
Red cabbage...! Duh!
Posted by Bree at 04:40 PM | Comments (0)
September 05, 2006
Temporary Suspension of Eggers Distaste
Relax - it's only temporary.
Whether or not it's worth it...well, I leave that to your discretion.
Posted by Bree at 10:26 PM | Comments (0)
Today Was a Good Day
One by Metallica just came on my Ipod shuffle. Considering my shuffle is administered by a middle-aged man of indeterminate sexual preference with a soft spot for Elvis Costello, the Kinks, Maria Callas and live Sinead O'Connor, this is sweet providence indeed.
Posted by Bree at 12:55 PM | Comments (3)
Personal Injury Update
Adding an appealing complement to the scars left behind by the spiders, bed bugs and South American creatures trying to burrow in my once-appealing gams, 
I twisted my ankle on Sunday. Fueled by the need to blatantly urinate, in my bathing suit, in front of ten men, I spryly jumped out of the boat in a bravado- laced display of grace and athleticism. Unfortunately, rather than the welcoming plunge into the toilet I was expecting, I stuck the landing straight into a sandbar. The only thing missing was Bela Karoli carrying me back to the locker room. Oh right - and a gold medal. And pride.
You say potatoes; I say Pocahantas.
And one more thing: I've also got a bunion.
Hi. I'm a hideous, hobbled, sore-infested mess who's apparently 93 years old young. Wanna rub my corns?
Posted by Bree at 08:56 AM | Comments (0)
Five Word Movie Review Tuesday
Posted by Bree at 06:54 AM | Comments (0)
September 02, 2006
Til Tuesday
Posted by Bree at 08:30 AM | Comments (1)
September 01, 2006
Art-icle (Or: Never Judge a Russian by His Dye Job)
Here's a great piece in New York Magazine on the mystery buyer who spent $95 mil on a Picasso at Sothebys recently.
Excerpt: “His nose looked broken, like a boxer’s. He had dyed hair and cheap shoes, like a bodyguard. If he walked into my gallery, I wouldn’t have sold him a painting.”
I wonder if he kisses on the mouth...
"You work on commission? Big mistake...huge..! You dumb slut - how you like me now in my fetching bow-accented chapeau and taffeta frock that combines practicality and panache with its daring display of short dolman sleeves? I'll tell you someone who likes it - Jason Alexander, that's who! Hector Elizondo too! And Laura San Giacomo would if she could just get her mind off the pipe for two minutes...but that's neither here nor there. Whore code. Anyway, do you even know what the word panache MEANS?! I thought not. I am sooooo outta here. And I'm taking that sheer mustard scarf with me."
Posted by Bree at 10:43 AM | Comments (0)
Real Profeesssssioanallll-like
As Kool once noted, it's more than acceptable to celebrate good times come on. He might be right. Brace yourself for some exciting news, folks: this past week I have sold FOUR of my photographs! To TWO different people. NEITHER of whom I'm related to. Though, come to think of it, BOTH of whom I've smooched.
Er.
Hi.
Regardless, they respect me for my profesional output.
And they're willing to pay me to prove it!
Lots! Lots and lots!
Thus you might notice the new link to the right of the site that says "BUY SOME STUFF." For now, it's just an absolutely absurd snapshot of me and Mike role-playing Mohammed and the disgruntled customer. I'm in the part of Mohammed. You can tell by my musky odor.
Once I get my HTML code pants back on, I'll post some prices for photos and details and some of the best ones and you too can join in the fun of owning an OB (original Bree). Smooches most certainly NOT included though I'll throw in handling at cost.
Posted by Bree at 09:34 AM | Comments (0)