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August 24, 2006
Nasty, Nasty, Nasty
Around the time I left New York for Argentina, I noticed a bug bite on my shin that was about the size of a marble and oozing green pus. While, I'm very "on top" of things like toiletries, my attention seems to really take a hit when it comes to personal injury. I think it's partially because I'm not very sensitive to pain and partially because I just think everything will go away if I ignore it. Including people. And while this policy rarely seems to work, I remain committed.
Regardless, this bite caught my eye and then became a source of some conversation with Matt and Marie.
Sentences like, "I've never seen a bug bite that looks anything like that," and "I think it looks worse than it did yesterday," and Holy shit, that's sooo gross - what the hell is that?" were bandied about with little care for the sensitive nature of my soul. Thankfully, I had stolen some antibiotic ointment from Jenny and Marcus's apartment, which I applied diligently (once per several days) and, weeks later, the beast was tamed and my summer was ready to be reclaimed.
So imagine my delight, dear reader, to find...oh...about 17 more over the past month. Including about 10 extra since I got back to Colorado. Reeediculous. And nearly all of them on the same leg. Spiders, mosquitos, anything with venom: I welcome you.
After convincing myself these would all go away with no care or attention needed on my end, I awoke a few nights ago in a panic - itching like crazy - and determined I had BED BUGS. Which, as anyone who knows me can attest, is pretty much just cause for leaving my apartment in my underpants, getting on a flight out of the country and never, ever, ever coming back.
Me + bugs = no estan amigos.
Suffice it, I ripped apart my bed. And while I found absolutely no evidence of anything organic, I still dry cleaned all my blankets, vacuumed the mattress and box spring, bleached all of my sheets and started sleeping on my couch. I'm an alarmist. It's how I do.
So, a mere 18 hours after this excapade began, I came to the realization that I don't have bed bugs.
What do I have?
What's the big answer to this big mystery?
WHAT could it BE?!
Ladies and gents, may I please bring to the stage: SHAVING IRRITATION.
Sure there's a couple bites in there, but the main deal...barber burn.
I feel like I'm in junior high again and just discovering how my body works. Note to self: you are allergic to several types of soap; don't use cheap soap sent to you for free from drugstore.com after you shave your legs; try to tone down the idiocy; have another cup of coffee; read less celebrity gossip web sites; don't dry your towels with the rest of your stuff unless you want everything all linty; update your Ipod; etc.
After coming to this realization, I took a bath in Tend Skin and Neosporin, went swimming in a chlorinated pool, and am now getting to be good as new. Panic abated, ready to take on the day, etcetera and amen. So imagine my delight when I found this article in my inbox this morning.
The screaming you hear is mine.
Posted by Bree at August 24, 2006 10:29 AM