So. Yeah. The wine bar thing? It stopped working. It stopped working a while ago, namely when I realized just how difficult it is to open a bar. Whoooey. Not impossible, mind you, but a bit along the lines of, "I think I'm going to take up running...oh! You say there's a 100-mile endurance race at altitude this weekend? Sounds smashing!"

Not impossible.
But hard on the joints.

I realized I would have to buy a bar. Buy a bar that was going out of business. Buy a bar that was going out of business yet still had a liquor license and was in a desirable neighborhood and was reasonably priced and at least somewhat fit my architectural and design expectations. Um...and those would be...where exactly?

Right.

And you can't really put together a business plan without a location. And you can't really get a loan without a business plan. And you can't really buy a place without a loan.

So you see the dilemma. And now...and now the solution!

After I came back from Argentina, and my - how do you say - distractions either came to an end or moved to Seattle, the Shasta really hit the fan. I had no excuses to put off the inevitable any longer. I had to face the fact that I didn't know what I was doing and even harder to confront - I wasn't sure that opening a wine bar was what I wanted. At. All. Several crises of various magnitudes - including but not limited to bursting into tears at Wild Oats - followed. I was lost. And the only person who could figure a route out - me - was too depressed and freaked to think clearly.

So, I sought some counsel. And the advice I recieved was invaluable: do only what you want to do for the next several days. Stop doing all the things you think you have to do and do only what you want to do.

Sounds simple but this exercise blew. my. mind. And it showed me something about myself that had been there all along - but had been so hidden under all these other thoughts and stresses and so on that I had failed to recognize it as my true interest and my true passion. In that period of doing only what I wanted, what I wanted was to read about, think about, plan projects and create things all related to interior design. And now, in retrospect - all of the signs seem so clear. My entire life has been spent redoing my spaces, shopping and autodidactically learning about this stuff. In times of great distress, it's been what I've turned to to see me through.

I love it. It's what I love. And it's what I've always loved. And it's what I've always been good at. Yet it's been such a constant in my life, that I forgot to notice it. And now that I have, I feel so free. In fact, I feel fantastic.

Screw the bar. I'm gonna open up a design shop and offer consultancy services out of it. Not only is it about 10 times easier - and cheaper - to launch this business, I'm actually excited about it! Imagine! And to think it was right in front of me - all this time...all these steps leading towards this. How truly humbling; how wonderfully exhilirating.

Oh readers, stick with me...the journey has just begun.