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July 13, 2006
Puff Didion
How many miles to Babylon?
Three score miles and and ten—
Can I get there by candlelight?
Yes, and back again—
If your feet are nimble and light
You can get there by candlelight.
I spent my last night in my Brooklyn apartment alone, reading Joan Didion's iconic, beautifully constructed and moving take on leaving the city, "Goodbye to All That". Lying there on a mattress on the floor - knowing my best friends were coming in the morning to help me leave them - I had one of those moments when you are totally aware you are having one of those moments.
So, now I am back east. And it is so much harder than I anticipated. Or, more to the point, naively failed to anticipate. Things are confusing; I am torn and somewhat rudderless. Which is frightening and invigorating in equal measure. It is hard to meet a cool guy and ask Marcus whether or not I should call him and hear, "Well...where do you want it to go?" And not know where I want it to go. It is seductive to get texts from my friends and family in response to my waffling that say things like, "Call Ernest; get an apartment" and "My favorite people are those who live by the Dickensian adage: it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind! Bring it the fuck on!" Mainly because the phrase "Dickensian adage" is so seductive. And because it makes me smile that Joe's real name is Ernest.
Then again, one hideously hot commute to Grand Central and I am ready to flee back west.
Though I recognize this is a state of impermanence, and that three months from now my life will not resemble what it is today, it is so very difficult not to want what I once had, and to be happy with what I have now...when what I have now is so very unknown.
How funny, then, to run across this Didion quote this morning in an excerpt from The Paris Review. (Duh...what were you reading this morning? Double duh with duh nuts.)
INTERVIEWER: Do you ever think you might go back to the idea of doing little pieces about New York?DIDION: I don’t know. It is still a possibility, but my basic question about New York was answered for me: it’s criminal.
INTERVIEWER: That was your question?
DIDION: Yes, it’s criminal.
If u have answrs, plz txt. thx.
Posted by Bree at July 13, 2006 09:34 AM