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May 19, 2006
The Dark Side of Wine Tastings
Last night, Capuvino hosted a private wine tasting for University of Michigan alumni. One of the store's wine reps came in, served four different bottles and circulated among the tables for a few hours shooting the breeze about characteristics, serving temperatures, whites versus reds, what have you. When not busy in the dining room, this maestro of the grape did manage to find time to get drunk, break a few wine glasses, and hold onto my arm during a wickedwaytooclose conversation about Argentina. Bear in mind I was making a cappucino at the time.
More foam with your inappropriate touching, sir?
One of the best parts of all the irritating forework, however, was when he trotted out the old "hips/shoulders" wine bottle saw as a method of flirtation. According to both legend and this jackass, wines with a rounded top at the base of a long skinny neck have "shoulders" and, like a man, are bold and uncomplicated. In contrast, a pear-shaped bottle will hold wine with a more subtle and complicated approach. Just like the bicches.
Not only an interesting theory I look forward to testing, this line of reasoning also allowed the rep to utter my favorite phrase of the evening, "If wine is like men then it has two emotions: trying to get sex and having sex."
Ah. The old "having sex" emotion.
What a heartbreak she is.
So, buttercups, in addition to making a sweet $60 in tips (which I'm blowing tonight here avec the Dumb Friends League), I learned two lessons that will surely come into play...erm...hourly when Sweet and Bitter gets going. One: open bottles + flirtation + reps = special kickbacks. Two: it's easier to sweep up broken glasses than it is to clean them.
Shameless, perhaps, but I'm the one with the hips and the dishpan hands. He's the one with the "trying to get sex" emotion. And if that's not a classic pairing...
Posted by Bree at May 19, 2006 07:35 AM